Calling people on contradictions

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False Dilemma/Bifurcation Fallacies

Those are more common than people think.

I just thought it was the black and white thinking that did it. I still think false dilemmas falls under it because it's this or that and no in between, nothing else.

Some people are just 2-faced hypocrites. Let them talk their BS and stay out of it as long as it isn't anything dangerous or harmful to others. That's how I've learned to deal with it.

(formatted because I cant read it back without emphasizing words, hope it doesn't distract non-visual people too much or worse distract the visual people! ha ha ha I almost feel like I need pictures to really explain this)

A decision is made in a group of 10 people that meet on a weekly basis, the resulting decision is a positive one (proceed to do whatever)

one week people number 9 and 10 are absent from the group.
on the same week the decision is reversed, now the decision is a negative one (don't do whatever)

The following week, the group leader notices that person 9 and 10 are still reacting based on a positive decision (doing the whatever)
The group leader tells person 9 and 10 "You need to stop, we decided not to do that"

Person 9 and 10 are pissed off... they are unaware that the decision was reversed and think that the leader has reversed the decision alone and is lieing about the decision.

The leader explains that the decision was reversed in the meeting that they were absent from...

^^^ this scenario happens to me all the time! ^^^

Yes, I do this, and yes, people typically respond in a hostile fashion, as if I'm accusing them of something. I only want to be clear on what the facts are, and this seems perfectly rational to me.

I do understand that sometimes the point of calling them out is moot, in situations where the new or contradictory information is clearly the 'correct' information. For instance, my boyfriend will often tell me that he doesn't work on a particular day, or tells me that he works at X time, then later will say he does work or that he works at a different time. Despite the fact I realize that the new information is probably correct, I still feel compelled to say "Oh, well, you said yesterday that you didn't work or that you worked at 'x' time." This frequently annoys him. He believes I am obsessed with being 'right', I think. Really, I'm just obsessed with FACTS, no matter who is right.

Looks like to me they can't make up their minds so they keep changing their minds. So I don't call them out on it because it's obvious they can;t make up their mind so I don't need to call them out because I know the answer. Instead I would say "Make up your fricken minds."

I think more often than not this is where the crux of the problem is with Aspies. We're often confused by varying contexts. I've found the same as you that most people just don't understand when I have trouble differentiating contexts.

These days, I try to begin the explanation of my confusion by explaining that I have this problem. Not necessarily by bringing Autism into the discussion because the vast majority of people, even those who know a little about Autism, don't fully understand the connection between Autism and context.

Years ago, context meant nothing to me. I used to feel that statements meant the same thing when worded the same way, regardless of context. Context, to me, was totally irrelevant. It took me a long time to learn that though it wasn't important to me, context is incredibly important to other people. Once I learned to accept that, and the fact that I usually missed the difference in contexts, it's become a lot easier to just start by saying, "Sorry, I'm confused. Maybe you're saying this in a different context, but yesterday you said 'X' and today you just said 'Y.' What's different about this time?"

I've always found that pointing out inconsistencies in what other people say puts them on the defensive. By pointing out my own confusion about contexts, I'm letting them know the reason I don't get it isn't their fault.

I'm totally this way. I need the facts to be right in my mind or else I'm stuck in some sort of cognitive dissonance loop that I can't get past. This is a quote from an email I received from someone who was very upset with me at the time:

"You seem to have this constant need to know the 'truth' of things. Unfortunately, truth is a very subjective thing. Find your truth of life and move on. Stop trying to backtrack constantly to make sure you have it 'right'. There is no absolute truth."

I really have no way of responding to that. It's like asking a person who can hear to suddenly go deaf. It's simply how I process things. The whole reason why I'm even on these forums is because AS seems to get me closer and closer to "my truth" which might be able to help me figure out how to handle things in the future.

I've also learned that while I'm trying to make sense of something, most people get confused, frustrated, and/or think that what I'm trying to work out in my mind is how I'm actually feeling. They read too much into my words while I'm in this mental state, and I find it really hard, if not impossible, to explain to them that what I'm trying to figure out is how I'm supposed to be feeling about the situation in the first place. There are times when other people simply can't understand that I have to logically figure out what it is that I am supposed to be feeling, especially when other time feelings just seem to come without issue, but that's only when there's no cognitive dissonance going on in my head.

My mother has borderline personality disorder and her opinion about something, or her version of past events is likely to change from visit to visit with her, or even change during a visit. She adamantly denies that it was ever different than her current opinion/version and becomes angry and insulting when that is pointed out.

I am thinking that autistic people see so many contradictions is because of lack of TOM or how we process things. They may not realize someone changed their mind, things had changed, things are different every time, someone has mixed feelings, part of them wants this and part of them doesn't, so it's always good to ask but ask it in a none accusation way. As a child I used to say, "Wait a minute, you said that, now you are saying this." Then mom would have to explain it to me. I also say to people "I thought..." Some people will still get offended with this and still get defensive because you can't win. Some people can read between the lines and know what you are doing even if you disguise it as you are confused and are trying to ask for clarification. But sometimes people are truly confused and they want to understand what you are saying so they ask so you can fill in that hole for them. They aren't really calling you out on your contradiction. But people do call you on on it disguising it as them being confused and pretending they don't know. Just play along by explaining it to them pretending you actually took their words and not knowing the meaning behind them. There, they just learned something new and just learned there was no contradiction unless they refuse to believe it.

I also think hard about these situations before I assume they are lying. I think of all the possibilities like maybe they just got new information. A member on here used to say she has an IQ of 74, then she started saying her IQ is 79. I came to a conclusion that she probably found her old papers and read them and she saw her IQ score and it said 79. She thought it was 74 because that was what she was told and that may not have been the correct information she got or it could have been a false memory she had.


But yet even normal people get confused by these things too. They don't even assume someone may have changed their mind or that things had changed or that they want to move on but their feelings won't let them. So the word gets thrown around or even assumed. Plus someone did point out False Dilemma and Bifurcation Fallacies.

I'm totally this way. I need the facts to be right in my mind or else I'm stuck in some sort of cognitive dissonance loop that I can't get past. This is a quote from an email I received from someone who was very upset with me at the time:

"You seem to have this constant need to know the 'truth' of things. Unfortunately, truth is a very subjective thing. Find your truth of life and move on. Stop trying to backtrack constantly to make sure you have it 'right'. There is no absolute truth."

I really have no way of responding to that. It's like asking a person who can hear to suddenly go deaf. It's simply how I process things. The whole reason why I'm even on these forums is because AS seems to get me closer and closer to "my truth" which might be able to help me figure out how to handle things in the future.

I've also learned that while I'm trying to make sense of something, most people get confused, frustrated, and/or think that what I'm trying to work out in my mind is how I'm actually feeling. They read too much into my words while I'm in this mental state, and I find it really hard, if not impossible, to explain to them that what I'm trying to figure out is how I'm supposed to be feeling about the situation in the first place. There are times when other people simply can't understand that I have to logically figure out what it is that I am supposed to be feeling, especially when other time feelings just seem to come without issue, but that's only when there's no cognitive dissonance going on in my head.[/quote


We seem to be very similar. My face will often tell people that something is 'wrong' with me, and they want to know what, but when I tell them 'I don't know', they get angry, as if I'm hiding something from them. I'm not! I just truly do not know. My boyfriend knows now that if I say 'I don't know', that sometime later in the day I will have figured out what I was feeling and will let him know. Right in that moment, though, I have no idea how I'm feeling and I have to sort it out in my head.

Well sometime people are contradictory. There are different ways to talk about it.

One way that does not make the person feel accused is to generalize a rule. For example, someone said A and B. But they seem to contradict. What is common in A and B ? What is the rule that is undefined or paradoxical ? You can deduce a statement C that defines the region where A and B contradicts. It should be more generic than A and B. So you can ask about this generic thing, without saying that the person is paradoxical. Depending on the answer, you may find that A and B are not contradictory because the rule is more complex than you thought. Or maybe you'll find that A or B contradicts the rule. It may be both, but choose one, for example A. Make your deductions (A') from the answer given to C, and ask why the person would not do this or say this in this particular case.

A & B contradicts on C. The rule about C is C'. From C' you deduce A' and B'. Then ask why not A' but A.

You may also find yourself the answer by doing this, without asking but by guessing what the person would answer.

I once was answering a questionnaire about my son's development and I noticed two of my answers contradicted each other. I realized both questions it was asking were both the same but they were in different wording and my answer was different for each one, one was marked yes and the other was no. So I pointed it out to my nurse telling her this doesn't make sense and both my answers contradict it and what do I do. I had a hard time with both questions and my answers to them. I was confused by the questions so my answer was different for each one than the same. So it wasn't like I lied or was bullshitting in the questionnaire. I was confused. So that also tells everyone here that is another reason for contradictions, sometimes people are confused by what is being said so they end up contradicting themselves. It doesn't mean they are not being honest or two faced.


Sometimes even we call out our own contradictions and I am sure it makes people respect us better when we do that.

This why I cannot stand psych questionnaires like the ones put fourth within these forums, for instance:

"Do you like jumping over things?"

When? What kind of things? Tall things? Short things? Wide things? Dry or wet things? Does 'stepping over something', like a crack in the sidewalk, count as 'jumping over' the crack? What about when I mentally picture a telephone pole, tree, sign, person, or other vertical object as though it were placed across the street as I'm driving along and I lift my foot off the floorboard to 'jump' over it, does that count as jumping?

What if I do all these things as an obsessive-compulsive behavior, but because they are me scratching a compulsion then I don't necessarily enjoy the activity the way that I think the question is intending? Maybe I would enjoy it if it wasn't a compulsion, but because I have OCD I don't know.

What about when I enjoy balancing and walking on the parking lot barriers and curbs along the street? Does that count as jumping over the barriers?

And, yes, ALL OF THESE THOUGHTS went through my head for this ONE question.

Imagine my irksome demeanor when I discover it's a question that's supposed to relate to some kind of mystical 'hunting' personality trait.


If I have this much trouble with a single silly question on an online questionnaire, then what's that say about trying to interpret apparently conflicting statements coming out of someone's mouth.

Excellent post, and helpful.

I try to ask myself if it's really important before I speak up and risk a black eye. Sometimes it won't matter either way so I just shut up and go with the flow. It takes practice to let things go and even then, I get it wrong. I just tell myself I'm human and press on. If someone else has a problem, it's theirs.

An easy example of things to overlook would be spelling or grammar errors - unless you're dealing with a kindred spirit or professional who you know would appreciate the correction. Unless meaning is obliterated by lack of conformity or ability, it's best just to let it go. (Very hard when misspelled words are like fingernails on a chalkboard.)

When I simply can't understand a given point, I have to ask. I always take the blame for my misunderstanding. Sometimes, it is my lack of perspective that causes my misunderstanding. I can own that. But... if I take the blame and the contradiction is theirs, my initial taking of the blame often compels people to apologize to me for causing my confusion. At this stage in my life, it feels very manipulative to do this but it's better than getting my head sliced off for sounding like I'm accusing them of a capitol offense. I still don't understand why asking questions offends people. This is the best I've got which is why I'm finding this post so helpful.

There are times where, as a planning commissioner, I see a person is offended by a question I've posed (for one of the reasons the OP outlined so nicely) and I've just forged on, overlooking their response. Like, I keep talking and don't give them the chance. I know they have misunderstood and generally, if I keep going, they will eventually come to the understanding that I mean them no harm and I don't have to deal with their drama. However, I usually only do this when I know I have at least one associate in the room who, bless them, will explain my quirks to those who misunderstand. Again, it's what I've got. I don't think it's the best option.

People are very defensive of their egos.

I really like this thread also.