Is emotionally connecting with people necessary?

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I feel that way too and have an aversion to going out because of it but wish I didn't have these problems.

that sounds like serious anti social personality

Incorrect. That is asocial, not antisocial. Big difference.

Heh. I must be pretty antisocial as well. I virtually never go out just to socialize. About the closest I get is that I may occasionally drop in on a friend if I am walking past on my way back from doing something. I do sometimes go to visit friends but it is nearly always with some specific task in mind rather than to just aimlessly socialize. I don't even do that much more than twice a month.

Thanks for correcting that. That is a huge difference, and we wouldn't want anyone to think of themselves as a criminal if they aren't.

I'm not one for socialising very much, but I need some people. I need my husband, daughter, parents, my cousin and his family, my best friend and another couple of friends whom I meet with fairly regularly. But, that's it really. Any more than that and I exhaust myself.

Some do, some don't. The fact that you're asking the question makes me think you are on the end of those on the spectrum who are capable of, and will benefit from, forming such connections. I agree with those posters who have said that a life devoid of connections is pretty arid.

Actually if I don't have aspergers I think I probably do have schizoid personality disorder.

Not exactly. Though that is how lack of TOM can cause existence to seem to the Autistic, in reality, it's more a matter of the Autistic projecting their own thoughts and feelings onto others, because of a lowered ability to perceive that others have their own thoughts and feelings. Autistics have a hard time accepting that anything other than their own perception is reality for everyone.

Outward manifestation of this can be commonly seen when an Autistic expresses an opinion expecting either everyone or practically everyone to agree in unison, then being completely taken off guard when others do not agree. This is one of many circumstances during which Autistics may shut down or experience meltdowns due to their personal reality's validity being challenged.

I think the risks of this kind of thing happening often repels Autistics from interacting with others.

This may be just a semantic point. Something about the way you worded this though, just didn't sit quite right.

Its advantageous as favours are then next, after an emotional connection

NT's are less willing to semi-honestly relate with you, until copious: smiling, handshakes and pleasantries have occurred first.

Its just how they are, and being the the majority, should be pandered to as best an aspie can, or avoided to save conflict and bullying.

Quite often NT's are trying to emotionally connect with us, as is their way...., but aspies are not interested or even hard programmed to respond in an acceptable manner, so bullying and derision will occur.

Last edited by Surfman on 03 Mar 2012, 4:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I disagree. This behavior and way of thinking is very NT, and it is more like NTs are always projecting their thoughts and feelings onto each other and others who do not share their thoughts and feelings, e.g. autistics. When projected onto each other, the projections are often correct. When projected onto autistics, the projections are often wrong.

When it comes to the thoughts and feelings of others, autistics are more likely not to pick up on them or attend to them at all, not as a choice, but as a matter of course. This way of thinking can result in behavior that looks like, but is not the NT style of projecting onto others. NTs are actually actively projecting onto others and thinking about others a lot. Autistics just don't take into account others and thoughts about others don't pass through their minds as much during real-time interactions, so they can be taken off guard when the thoughts are made clear to them.

In real life, the incessant bizarro NT projections are what makes communication with NTs so difficult. They are always inventing for me thoughts and feelings that I did not have and have never had in my life, based on very simple statements that I said and meant eggsacly as I said.

Last edited by btbnnyr on 03 Mar 2012, 4:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Everyone projects their thoughts and feelings on others NT's and autistics alike. That's just an ordinary human tendency early on until we learn otherwise. In my experience the NT doesn't recognize more often that it is themselves they are in fact talking about as a general rule with their projecting and never learn. TOM isn't a cut and dry science like a lot of other things.

Everything you said MrXxx is disagreeable to my understanding and experience of what it means to be autistic. I'm going to disagree with you and leave it because I'm not open to further discussion, debate or argument. SO disagree with your analysis though.

Making the mistake of assuming as a young person that everyone is more likely similar to oneself than not (i.e. honest) is also not a projection and agree with the above poster. This hasn't been a problem I have experienced or been guilty of but I have been victimized by NT accusations which only turned out to be their own projections. What's worse than being victimized by horrific accusations one isn't even capable of by someone and then they also tell you it is you in fact who are guilty of it. It's insane to deal with people like that and no wonder I isolate to stay away from so much insanity.

Last edited by eigerpere on 03 Mar 2012, 4:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I agree with those who have said that the emotional connection is not necessary, not vital.

What about people who live like social recluses for the most part, and only interact with their pets? Their dogs, or cats, or whichever animals living in their house? Perhaps such a person avoids other human beings because they feel people bring to many complications with them, yet they feel perfectly happy sharing a rapport with their beloved pets.

Otherwise, I think it's perfectly possible to live your life without sharing deeper emotional relations with other people or other living beings at all.

I usually score pretty high on SPD tests and if I had found out about SPD before AS I may not have looked any further. However once you look closely at the two, there are some marked differences between AS and SPD. This link covers the main differences. Also keep in mind that SPD tends to develop in young adults while AS is from birth.

Well, it has worked for me for the last 41 years...

Everyone wants what they can't have.

I'm capable of both empathy and then losing that ability. I have the best of both worlds. Not really... My no empathy days get me in a spot of trouble.