really, really want to go to university

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Excuse me?

You don't do something just because it interests you? Of course you can!

As an A grade average I am wasting no ones time by studying a subject that fascinates me just because I want to study it. Then of course, if I ever do find I am well enough to pursue a career in my field of interest I can. Right now though I appear to be having problems with CFS type symptoms that make it difficult to function most days. This has not stopped me from studying for my degree in the earth/life sciences part time from home though!

My area of interest: Palaeogeology and Palaeontology.

OU is excellent.

I had to choose to study with them for several reasons

1 Because I am not all that well at the moment and am struggling with CFS type symptoms that my drs keep diagnosing as Anxiety and Depression. That annoys me as the feeling like I have the flu and other symptoms I get some days is often not related to my anxiety level or my mood, although they can run along side each other some of the time. The ill feeling comes and goes as it pleases though, regardless of what I do and I have tired everything from medications to diet to exercise (which makes it worse) to resting to relaxing to changing the way I think and my perspective to alternative therapies...no success.

2 I had to consider things from a financial perspective.

Being in a Uni environment is not what stopped me so my social issues etc did not play a role in my decision to study from home, simply because I love University environments. It is the one place I fitted in in this world...at college and university. Also I was a high grade average so other students would come to me for help when I was at University and college in the past and I would make friends that way. They would get talking to me and friendships developed. I was also studying my subject of interest and could find people to talk about it with. In general society, away from academia, I am an oddball and people avoid me. I really just do not seem to think like most people I meet in the everyday and I find socialising with them uninteresting...I like to learn, there is often very little I can learn from many people I meet in regards to my areas of interest as most either are not interested or seem to only be able to comprehend the obvious. I hate when people keep telling me what I already know and understand.

Even therapists do that. Psychology was once my area of interest as was Human biology and if I hear about the fight or flight system and get an explanation on how thought affects feeling one more time I will scream. I got it the first time I heard about this stuff (actually I got that thought can affect feeling (although it is not always that black and white) long before anyone told me it did as its bloody obvious for gods sake...) I really don't need to be told about it for the 150th time.

Another reason to hate therapy...the therapist sits there telling me what I already know like they are telling me something new. Plus they often come up with ridiculous and illogical suggestions. Such as not doing a degree because of the stress levels. Oh but I am supposed to spend my time sitting around on my fat arse making chitty chat though and that will apparently help me?

Excuse me...ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I think they will find it is the other way around for me. The studying is in fact not stressful in and of itself (only if I fall behind because I am chatting instead of getting the work done or my CFS type symptoms are being a mega b***h that day...but it is the other stuff that stresses me not the studying itself), studying is what I am good at. It is more than something I do, it is part of who I am and I am very unhappy without it (brain gets bored and starts to eat me alive without something to keep it busy and no going for a walk etc does not use enough brain power to work). I can, on a good day, study for hours without tiring.

Socialising on the other hand wipes out my energy levels with in two hours and it is incredibly boring. Gossip, small talk, people telling me the obvious and simplistic like they are telling me something profound and complicated....Does my head in!

At least in the college/University environment (I have been to a red brick Uni etc in the past), I can find someone to chat with and learn from when it comes to my chosen subject.

Last edited by bumble on 11 Mar 2012, 11:24 am, edited 2 times in total.

Very much thanks for all the replies, they are helping me sort my thoughts with all the different viewppoints.

I don’t care about professor or not, or whatever title they give. What I care about is understanding all there is about biology because it fascinates me and I think of it all the time.


Yes, I am doing distance learning now. A vocational diploma in veterinary assistance. Unfortunately it hardly challenges me and I am doing a 4 year study in one year without problems. It is not fullfilling for the mind. Also I am sometimes very alone because I know only myself and my parents and my cat. I remember in High School, when I get loneley, I use to sit in sun and watch the other children play sports and sometimes I talked to the teaschers especially my chemistry teacher.


No. It is just, they tell me they are making the right descision for me. Myself, I make stupid descisions, and big mistakes. I am so very used to trusting them. They did their best to raise me, I was difficult child, they always did what is best for me. Also now, they say. So I have to trust them, but I very much want to go, and I think I can go. I am not confident person.



Thank you for this sentence. I can measure this. This is very useful.

Quote:
There should be a point when you don't feel as if you need your parents *permission* rather than their *advice.* Once you reach that point, I think you'll know you are ready.

Your parents might be thinking like that too, when you are ready you'll be ready.

Why don't you start planning for 2013 then? Plenty of time to research it and prepare.

You might also consider a single module of a correspondance course such as with the open university or similar to get your mind into gear.

Jason.

Have you thought of going out to meet other people with autism (or other similar disabilities)?

Actually, I think waiting a year makes sense. You have a year to prepare. You decide: In a year, I'm going to uni, with or without my parents' blessing. So that decision is made, and you don't have to worry about it anymore.

Then you can take that year and figure out exactly how you are going to do everything: How you will get to class; how the buildings are laid out; how you will get your food, and how you will take care of yourself. You can talk to some of the professors, and to the disability services people you will be working with. You can even go to the library and look through the books, and find quiet places where you can study, and where you can go when you are stressed out and need to rest. You can think about what you will do when you have problems. (And you will have problems: Everyone does. You simply need to plan for how you will solve them.) Maybe they would let you visit again, and even spend the night, or use the train or bus system to try that out and see how it works, so you will have practice when you need to use it to get places. You could, if you don't have a bicycle, buy one and learn to use it to get places, because in uni it's always better to have transportation than if you have to walk everywhere.

A year to practice being on your own would be a good idea. And it gives your parents some time to get used to it. Plan out what you are going to do--write it down, like it's a school assignment. Plan what you'll do when unexpected things happen, who you can count on to help you. And when your parents see you doing that--planning, rationally and carefully, understanding that you are disabled and that you will need to account for that--they may just come around and realize that yes, you can live on your own. Disabled people live on their own all the time; why shouldn't you be one of them?

Okay, ''wanting'' permission would be a situation when the child goes against parents will 20% of the time and ''needing'' permission would be a situation when it happens 0% of the time. Still, the point remains: even in case of 0% the issue is the relationship with the parents, NOT one's actual skills.



Okay I believe you are pointing out a difference between A implies B and B implies A, and you are saying you only said one of the two and not the other. Still, however, I would object to the connection in either direction. I don't see EITHER that ''needing permission'' implies ''lack of skills'' OR that ''not needing one'' implies one has skills. I think the only way to know anything about one's skills ONE WAY OR THE OTHER is to try.



The fact that she doesn't know if she is ready is STRICTLY due to the fact that she never tried. No one will know if they are ready, at the simplest task -- whether they be Aspie or NT -- if they haven't tried a task in question. Thats why she should try and THEN decide. Waiting another year won't help anything unless she spends this year actually trying something she dind't already try before.



And that is exactly why she should go ahead and try university.



She shouldn't shut the door on the possibility of being a professor though. Better to go in that direction and later decide not to do it, then ''not'' go in that direction and later regret that she didn't.

I think you are giving her a very good advice. The only issue here is the context of the advice. I mean the idea of postponing by the year was her parents, not hers. The reason her parents gave is also very different from the one you are suggesting as well. So if she does what you suggest, it would be something along the following lines:

HER PARENTS: Please do A in order to do B
HERSELF: I will do A in order to do C

Now, if thats what will happen, she will basically make a fool out of herself. OF COURSE her parents will be ''happy'' with her decision; after all, she does A just like they want her to. But the problem is that when it gets to C her parents would never let her do it. After all, they don't want her to do C, they want her to do B. But, of course, she will never find that out until then -- after all, her parents will ''pretend'' to agree with C just to make her feel better (just like they keep telling her ''yes you will go to school next year'' instead of being honest and saying ''no you will never go to school'') but they will quickly change their mind when the time for C actually arrives.

If she were to make her own rational choice, the best way to do would be to FIRST try things you suggest and THEN decide how long it would take. But if she FIRST decides it is ''a year'' and ''then'' fills in what she will do in a year, then this makes it obvious that she is basically listening to her parents and then ''rationalizing'' their choices. That would lead to a huge self-deception. After all, it was THEM who picked a number, ''a year'', not her. And THEIR choice of ''a year'' had nothing to do with any of hte plans you are suggesting for her to do. So no reason to assume these plans would actually take exactly a year, other than a simple ''coincidence''. The more she thinks of ''her own'' reasons in order to ''justify'' doing what her parents want her to do, the more she will feel like a fool later on.



That, in fact, WOULD be a good idea! The only issue, though, is her parents would be against her being on her own just as much as they are against her going to school. So if she can stand up to them in order to do the former, she might as well stand up to them in order to do the latter.

I think that it's very odd that your parents wont let you go to university. Living with aspergers can be hard enough and a good education will only increase your chances in life. It's absolutely essential!

Maybe you can get some extra support from a good mentor who knows and understands your problems and difficulties once you are at university.

It is not just about the title. If you are a professor, you can do a research on things that no one besides you knows, make new discoveries and have your name behind them. If, on the other hand, you work on the industry, you will just do some kind of technical work day-in and day-out in order to help out someone else who is doing the discovery; you would just be one of the several people on technical support team, and you won't have a chance to promote your own new ideas. So from my point of view, being a professor is MUCH MUCH better and thats what you should try to be.



Just because you made some bad decisions as a kid it doesn't mean you always will. The kind of attitude a little kid has when she makes bad decisions is ''I really want a candy so I will steal it from the store, doesn't matter if I don't have money doesn't matter if they call police I just want a candy''. Now, this is not your attitude, is it? You are very rational in this entire post, you ask for advice, you weigh things out that people tell you, in fact you went as far as checking out schools facilities! Now, the only way you CAN make a ''bad decision'' is the fact that you simply don't know as much as most people do. But that is what the councelors are for. You can go to school and then set up a weekly appointment with the councellor and discuss things; likewise you will also be able to get help from professors, fellow students and so forth. The problem with little kids is that they don't ask for advice, they just act on an impulse; that is precisely why adults don't let them make decisions. But you are not that way at all! So in your case yes you CAN go on your own and make your own decisions. It will just take more effort on your part to do it, but you certainly can.

I agree with this completely.

Those of you who are arguing against her waiting a year, realize, that there are only specific times she can go to university. She can prepare now, including rushing (applications tend to be due very soon at the latest, usually before this point in the US at least, so I'm assuming its similar in Europe, or she can make sure to prepare as much as she needs, and let herself get ready. There's a huge difference between a month and a year, and if she plans for this year and it doesn't work out she doesn't have the backup worked out.

We're not saying a year because that's what her parents are saying. We're saying a year because that's the next time after this year for her to go, and prep time would be a really good idea.

If she goes now and it doesn't work, she won't know whether it only didn't work because of lack of preparing for the worst case scenerios, including telling her parents now and letting them get used to the idea of not having her around. Just because something worked for you, doesn't mean it'll work for everyone.

I very much want to go to grad school. At this point in time I can't just get up and go and do it. It doesn't matter how many times people tell me that's what I should do, if I don't prepare I won't be able to cope. I need time.

There are short cuts and if you are good enough...you can go straight from BSc to Phd if your grade average is high enough and skip the Master's stage. There are still ways into certain jobs even after the age of 35. But the UK education system is different to the one in the US. I have done up to BSc level study already in the past, I am now finishing my BSc (I am 36) and when I finish that, if I manage to keep my A grade average (and obtain a First or a Distinction), I may have an avenue to get a research grant to go straight to Phd. If I only manage an Upper Second, I still have the option of going the Master's degree route. Alternatively I could get a PGCE and go into secondary school teaching if I wanted to teach, but I would prefer to do some kind of research.

Life is not over after 30...please stop consigning us oldies to the scrap heap. Thanks.

Was this really about going right now or going to university in the next couple of years? I didn't keep track of the various posts that much.

Because it didn't sound as if going now or next year was the issue in the opening post but rather if the parents will ever agree to it in the next couple of years. It's always advantageous to have parents who support their child going to university and even non-autistic people fare better if they know they're not left without morale backup (or other kinds of support that a family can offer).

Sure, 21 isn't as young as some others are who start university right after they finish school, but I'll be 24 soon and I still plan on going to university when I get accepted and manage to sort out a few problems with that. Starting with: how to get there without getting lost on the way or how to deal with a packed massive campus of a huge German university.

It's not like the few years make that huge of a difference for some jobs, especially when it comes to professions that mainly revolve around research or even people.

Yes, I definitely agree that waiting a year has nothing to do with what the parents want--it's because it would give time to prepare, to make sure you'll be okay on your own at school, and to give the parents time to get used to it so they won't freak out so much when you leave. That means you'll be spending that time actively preparing--not just waiting. You want your parents to see you putting these things into place, so that by the time you actually leave you'll have done lots of things on your own and they have seen you doing them, and it won't be so scary for them when you do leave. They seem kind of overprotective and worried, to me; and when people are like that, it helps to ease them into the idea gently.

Agreed, an online Uni lets you have your cake and eat it too!

If you want to go to uni, go to uni. Just be sure you're ready for the travel, work, and ready to take care of yourself while you're doing it.

As for age, it doesn't matter. I started my current course at 22, and I'm now 23 and in my last year, unless I do Honours - which I am on track to do. It can definitely be done.