AS or NT? Confused.

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See a GP and they will contact a psychologist (who will probably refer the GP to an Autism specialist).

And I think AS can "worsen" (or at least become more pronounced) over time if social pressures start to build up to a point that perhaps wasn't present throughout your schooling.

Last edited by sfreyj on 16 Mar 2012, 8:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've always been a bit weird but my parents tell me I had quite a normal childhood. I started speaking and reading very early, started to walk quite late. I had friends and I still have a few friends. I've always felt a bit socially awkward though. People often told me I was scared of people or shy when I was younger. I don't agree with being shy (even though I'm scared of big groups of people). I was bullied in school as well. So socially it was quite difficult. Never been good at eye contact or talking in front of people or hugging people I don't know etc. Even became annoyed when my parents wanted to cuddle me sometimes (still happens). Don't know if any of it has anything to do with AS? The rest of my habits and routines and stuff I've mostly developed in recent years. The last 6 years or so.

Might be a stupid question but what kind of "social pressures" ?

Have you studied Asperger's a lot at this point? It usually manifests differently in girls/women or it's just that females tend to try to socialize more than males. How old are you? I was very similar to you as a child and I still dislike getting hugged by my family members. I never initiate any physical contact. Do you have problems with emotional reciprocity? That is a big part of AS. For example, if someone cries in front of me, I know that I'm supposed to console them but I just CAN'T. I will stand there with my arms crossed and offer them a tissue.

Well, by now I've read quite a bit about Asperger's. Haven't read a lot about how it manifests in children though, since I'm not a child. I've mostly read stuff on forums like this and some of the AS criteria (or whatever you want to call it) and a bit on Wikipedia. Haven't read that much about the difference between men and women with AS either.

I'm 21 years old. I turn 22 later this year.

I don't have any problem getting hugged by my family members, boyfriend and close friends as long as I'm not upset, annoyed or really tired. When it comes to emotional reciprocity I'm not sure. If someone cries I do tend to feel like I don't know what to do (that also depends on who's crying). Most of the time I just ask them what's wrong and if I'm in a really good mood I even offer a hug (that very much depends on who's crying). I don't really feel upset when other people feel upset though. If it's a person I'm close to then I do feel worried but otherwise I don't really feel anything. Same thing goes for seeing bad stuff on the news. I know it's tragic and I think it's tragic but I don't feel upset. Even though I know I'm supposed to. Only time I really get upset for someone else besides my family and close friends is if someone gets bullied. Because I can identify with that. This might all be very confusing, but do you understand what I mean?

It's not just social pressures, I suppose. But I've found that, post-schooling, a lot more has been expected of me socially: at work and at university. I've been expected to function in groups, give presentations, talk in front of classes, make mindless chit-chat, function autonomously (without clear instruction), etc., etc. A lot of that was present in school, but not regularly, and teachers usually let me be the 'quiet achiever'. But more than anything, over a decade of regimented and predictable school timetables left me unable to cope as well with the 'freedom' and chaos of the post-school world.

"Aspergirls" might be a worthwhile read, also.

Yes, I get what you're saying. Hmm, I am also like that with the news. As for the rest, have you always been okay with cuddles? Are you too cuddly with others?

I can really relate to that. I went into a depression when college ended. I feel like living on your own and having to take care of yourself also exacerbates the traits of AS.

No, the thing is the only one I'm really cuddly with is my boyfriend. I don't mind if my parents hug me when I haven't seen them in a while or so but otherwise I'm not a fan. Some friends hug me when they see me. You know, they say hi and then they hug me. I tend to go along with it. And with close friends it's definitely ok. But yeah, the only one I'm really cuddly with is my boyfriend. In general I think I'm more sensitive to sounds than touch even though I'm far from really touchy, if you know what I mean?

Last edited by rebbieh on 18 Mar 2012, 5:23 am, edited 2 times in total.

Yeah, after school when you have to get out into the "real world" there are a lot more expectations when it comes to being social I guess. At work especially. It really drains me. When I get home after having worked for 6-8 hours I'm often completely exhausted.

Well, you know the criteria aren't simple yes or no things! I've got no problems with eye contact, for instance.Tthough I'm not great at hugs, I'm no worse than some other men without Autism. I've not got any sensory issues & I certainly didn't wait around to start talking! Yet nobody seems to doubt I am an Aspie.

I wish it was easier. I'm even scared about considering telling my boyfriend that I'm thinking about this. I don't want people to think I'm just making this up. I get misunderstood enough as it is.

No I don't think it's your imagination. It sounds like a diagnosis would help to resolve your dilemma. And the Aspie-quiz, having so many questions, will probably help you to make up your mind. My problem with the questions was that I didn't seem to fit any box exactly, I was often somewhere between 2 possible choices, other times my only honest answer would have been "yes and no.," other times it would have been "no but it would be yes if my circumstances weren't so unusual concerning that." So I was skeptical about the results, but had to admit that some of the traits looked pretty strong. And I was also doubtful about the result of the proper diagnosis because I knew I needed something to stop my employer from trying to force me to do muilti-tasking, teamwork, thinking on the hoof, using vague instructions, working to tight deadlines, unstable finish times, noisy environment, etc..........though if I wasn't an Aspie, why couldn't I just learn to do those things after years of trying?

Your parents might be influencing your opinion. It might be worth looking at whether they're basing their judgement on reasoned argument or whether it's just a feeling of not being convinced, or maybe they just don't like the idea of you being "medicalised." If it's the second reason, I guess they would welcome a diagnosis.

I expect you won't stop thinking about it unless you get diagnosed as not having it. If you find out you've got it, you'll think about it some more, but then you'd have good reason to. Awareness of AS can be an unsettling thing. It made me feel like I didn't know who I was any more. And my pride took a few knocks too. I had to admit that I was something of a social failure. Before then, I put any social disappointments down to other people, capitalism, dystopian society, rotten luck, and bad parenting But in the end it was better to own my part in my social failures.

So I think I can relate to your unease. Like I say, if you can try not to worry about finding out in any absolute yes-or-no sense (the diagnostic threshold is pretty arbitrary), and focus on your objectively-observable traits, then you might feel like you're on firmer ground.

If you're managing things fine, you are just looking for someone else to recognize what you see in yourself and put it all together for you right? I mean, what benefit would an official diagnosis get you if you are working, have a life, etc. or is that just part of the picture? Just saying if you're struggling then go for the diagnosis.... but it is like getting a stigma put on you in the medical community. From my experience, it's not much different then being thought of as "ret*d". I once went for special accommodations in school and the instructor made me do the lowest tasks available and never challenged me with any of the course material. Another time I confessed and explained myself to one of my instructors and he said exactly, "Wow, I never would have thought you were ret*d. You seem to catch on pretty quick."

I am playing devil's advocate here, but if your life is fine and you are just wanting to know about this label we can put on this collection of traits, if it applies to you, you'll get plenty of confirmation here if that is what you seek. AN official diagnosis could render you incapable of handling your own legal affairs if you were a US Citizen. It's one of the things for which a judge could rule you incompetent. If declared as such, you would have a court appointed guardian to handle your legal and financial affairs.

I'm telling you one of the worst things that can (and has) happened from a diagnosis. Just something to think about if things are going pretty well for you. Welcome home.

If it's the UK NHS, then yes it will go on your records. If you go private, you can shop around and ask whether the diagnosis will be confidential between you and the diagnostician. Mine was confidential, but some private diagnosticians insist on telling the GP.

I agree it's wise to avoid telling people about being an Aspie unless you know about the possible downside of doing that. My experiences confirm that it doesn't often do any good, and although it's done me no noticeable harm yet, I know that it can, and I don't tell people very often.

OK, I'm going to be a total hypocrite & say something I usually hate hearing! There's no 'easy answers', sorry. I'm going with the 'DA' approach: you just want to be 'told', huh? Will it do if I tell you, you are an Aspie