Can a person with an ASD be "spontaneous"?

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Keyman
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20 Mar 2012, 9:22 am

Ai_Ling wrote:
When you put that much effort into it, I think that takes the concept out of spontaneity. It sounds like what your doing is appearing spontaneous to NTs.


NT says they are spontanous, when they are not. Oh.. NT doublestandard.. SUPRISE! :roll:



Australien
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20 Mar 2012, 9:38 am

I asked my girlfriend about this recently (I think it was on one of the dx tests) and she said that I am rarely "spontaneous", and what I call "spontaneous", actually really isn't. I will do something "spontaneous" only if it doesn't interrupt my other plans too much and generally it will be something I've already done before or at least thought about doing before. For example, on the way to the takeaway pizza restaurant we've planned to go to, I might think about how far we are from that other pizza restaurant we really like, how busy it's likely to be, what traffic will be like, and then say "Hey, would you rather go to 'x' instead?". That is about as spontaneous as I get. I don't just decide to do something and then work out the logistics later.



Keyman
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20 Mar 2012, 9:50 am

Australien wrote:
I don't just decide to do something and then work out the logistics later.


Maybe this is closer to the core of the subject?



ToughDiamond
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20 Mar 2012, 10:08 am

Oh yes I think we can be spontaneous. It's more a question of is it wise to be?

Years ago I got in with a bunch of bohemians I really liked. I didn't know about AS. They had a tolerant, relaxed outlook and I felt I was at last in the right kind of company and could at last just be myself and not have to think so carefully about everything I said and did. To a large extent it worked, but I made a lot of social blunders during that time as well.

Somebody wanted "spontaneous" defining. I guess for me it's any behaviour that's immediate, impulsive, without any "pause for scrutiny" step. We all have inhibitions that work on our behaviour automatically, but when we deliberate about an impulse to say this or do that, we stop being spontaneous.

Sometimes I'm still spontaneous these days. Sometimes I have no choice - words are out of my mouth before I've noticed the thoughts behind them. But I'm often surprised at how well that turns out.....it's as if there's a more feral creature living inside me that occasionally grabs the mike, but his results are probably no worse than the ones my cerebellum can produce.

I think this immediacy thing is quite important to people as a trust-building thing. People who come straight out with their thoughts are more transparent than people who seem to be contriving their every word to fit some hidden agenda.....of course the Aspie agenda is benign enough - just trying not to say anything stupid and to fit in - but if they don't know that, it probably looks suspicious to them. So I think it's good to let yourself go occasionally, and to try to cultivate a faster response time........just take care not to go too far. Most little mistakes are redeemable, people do forgive.



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20 Mar 2012, 2:19 pm

I sort of have to be spontaneous for my job... but it's also one of my special interests which helps! I'm on call for weeks waiting for babies to be born, but I cope with it by having to plan out, in detail, who will be watching the children if I get called that day. Usually it's a different plan for the morning than for the afternoon and adding in the fact that we only have one vehicle makes it even more complicated. However, once I've figured out what I'll do with the children and who I'll call to watch them at any given time, I'm good to go whenever. It's a little stressful since I have to do this every day for weeks, but it allows me to run off to a birth whenever needed with a minimum of anxiety.

Ditching a gathering to go wander around in the woods is another thing I don't have any trouble being spontaneous about :)

If we're going out to dinner or somewhere with people... I want to know about it well in advance!



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20 Mar 2012, 5:01 pm

Socially? Almost never. In terms of just deciding to do something and doing it without a whole lot of forethought, I don't have as many problems with this as a lot of aspies seem to, so if I don't have anything more important going on, I sometimes do "spontaneous" things, if it's not to absurdly stupid an idea. A lot of the time I randomly decide to wander around parts of town I've never seen before for example.



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21 Mar 2012, 7:00 pm

I think the answer would be yes and no.

Often, I experienced that I was much more spontaneous with a certain thing than my fellow peers. Other times, the opposite was the case. I could not think of anything at all.

Ganondox wrote:
Is being random the same as being spontaneous? I can be very random.

I think that is the real difference. Being "random" is not what many people mean when they say "spontaneous". Or, my faourite, "creative". Many "creative" tasks are not about being creative, but about adapting to certain rules.


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21 Mar 2012, 11:31 pm

As others have noted, it's entirely possible for Aspies (particularly, possibly near-exclusively, those at the "ADD End" of the spectrum) to be "spontaneous".

Some of my most fun & memorable afternoons have been spent roaming semi-aimlessly around various cities. The lack of commitments isn't necessarily an impediment, if the commitments are things that I really don't want to do & feel remotely confident that I can get away with skipping.

There have been plenty of times I've been heading to some restaurant for dinner, and spontaneously decided out of the blue that I felt like eating somewhere else, instead. But god help anyone who tries to FORCE me eat someplace other than the place I've decided upon.

I don't have to accurately know the details at the time I embark upon a spontaneous sidetrip, as long as I'm deluded enough to *think* I do.

It's much easier to be spontaneous when I'm by myself. If I'm with someone who tries to push me into THEIR vision of spontaneity, I instantly go into "man on a mission" mode and vehemently resist any changes to the plans. If someone else is with me, spontaneity (even directed by me) involves too much risk of being pushed out of my comfort zone, or having to negotiate. Adhoc activity doesn't particularly stress me out when I'm alone. It stresses me out *enormously* when I have to worry about accommodating one or more accomplices.


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22 Mar 2012, 1:43 am

I'm spontaneous in my spending, drinking and when I talk to people. However, I need to plan for events like going to a new place or even just a social outing to a regular hang out spot.

My sister one day decided to go to America and just went. For me I'd need to really plan everything that I'd do in advance and need about 6 months to prepare. I'd have to plan financially as well.

I hate breaking my routine but sometimes ADHD leads me to it.

When around people I am probably less impulsive. It depends really on whether my hyperactive symptoms will surface or I'm more inattentive or if my autistic symptoms are stronger that day, usually around a big group of people they are.


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22 Mar 2012, 10:25 am

There's a fine line between "spontaneous" and "spastic." I willfully tried to 'break out of my shell' many years ago and I'm still trying to get the hang of it. And if you get me drunk enough, all bets are off.



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22 Mar 2012, 4:52 pm

Quote:
I'm as spontaneous as a boulder.


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22 Mar 2012, 7:37 pm

I'm pretty spontaneous in terms of getting ideas, but in terms of actually acting on them, I plan a lot ahead of time. For instance, I spontaneously decided to extend a trip I am supposed to go on into a much more exciting road trip to see some of the major US national parks on the way back (medium size loop back by bus over a couple of weeks). I think it's the greatest idea ever, and am pretty excited about it. On the flip side, I will spend plenty of my spare time over the weeks to come actually planning all the possible details for it. So while I spontaneously launched into excited plan mode, the actual execution of the plan will be nearly 3 months away, and I will likely be as much of an expert on the places to be visited as one can get remotely before going (my Mom always said I might consider being a travel agent as a job, but I don't think they get paid very much so can't really go on many trips; I bet I'd be great at writing tour guide scripts, though).

I generally find for bigger things, that I may spontaneously have a great idea, but know not to act on it for a couple of weeks or so because I could be caught up in my own hype. If I can get back to excited again about it later, then it's probably as great an idea as I thought it was. For instance, I once wanted to get into geocaching, which looked totally great. I researched the different kinds of GPS units, the different online resources for it, all of the local clubs, and even found a cache hidden in the library, etc. All of this was over about a week. Then a few weeks later, it wasn't so appealing after all. Another example is that I have thought it would be great to get a skateboard at many times over the past few years. It may look spontaneous when I finally get one, but it's been in the planning for a long time.


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Litzah
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22 Mar 2012, 7:58 pm

I'm the least spontaneous person on earth. Everything is super calculated with me. However, I dislike those NTs who always make statements like "really you think too much, you should be more spontaneous". I find those statements judgmental and rude of the way I am. And even if I could I wouldn't COMPLY just to please them.



as408
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22 Mar 2012, 9:58 pm

Define effort. If somebody gets repeated practice, it doesn't feel as much like effort anymore.

Ai_Ling wrote:
as408 wrote:
How am I now? I've become less spontaneous. I'm more self-conscious about being spontaneous. To really be good at spontaneity, it's not enough to come up with material. You have to:
- keenly read people
- know your audience
- get the timing right
- read the context
- package the delivery for best audience reception (vocal pacing, proper tonality, proper body language, etc)
- know how to socially recover if by chance you fall flat (ie: self-deprecating humor, changing the subject, framing the social gaffe in a humorous light, etc)


When you put that much effort into it, I think that takes the concept out of spontaneity. It sounds like what your doing is appearing spontaneous to NTs.



nikki15
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23 Mar 2012, 6:45 am

No, not really. I have to plan everything in advance. Plan A, B, C and so on.



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23 Mar 2012, 7:52 am

I'm not officially diagnosed with an ASD.

I'm supposed to be spontaneous for my job and I can't do it. We are now supposed to accept short-term changes to our timetable every week at a day's notice, depending on what the customers require. I can't do it. In the end the director stood in front of me and demanded I be flexible. I had no option but to stand there and just say "No". That was two years ago and I'm still there, albeit very much on the margins. I had toyed with the idea of saying I had a psychological disorder which makes it impossible for me to be flexible like that but fortunately I didn't. That would have been a big mistake.

I would hate it if someone rang me up and asked me to go out at short notice, which doesn't happen because I don't know anyone.

If my girlfriend (the only person I know) wants to meet up spontaneously I force myself to change my plans but it ruins the day. This is terrible really, being like this. I wish I were more spontaneous.