What do you not understand about the neurotypical world?

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Oh, so you mean from THEIR perspective, they remain unchanged? Maybe my wording was bad. What I meant was people who give in to peer pressure instead of just being themselves.

I agree that societal rules keep changing. Fashion, likings and trends keep changing as well. What was popular three years ago may be considered outdated now and what was popular thirty years ago may be popular again now after a long break.

Conceptually I actually understand most of what is going on in the NT world.
- It's one big, non-stop, elaborate costume party, with people competing for social rank, amongst other things
- and I understand that all of this and the other stuff that they carry around is VERY IMPORTANT to them, which is OK

Understanding their world is not my problem.

My 'problem' is that I am not interested in playing their games and wearing the costumes and when I do try, I don't do very well and it is very tiring, often exhausting.

Another thing I do not understand is the need to denigrate things that are popular simply because they are popular and not necessarily because they are bad. Also, abandoning things because they become popular and mainstream.

Yes, and people who let themselves get manipulated. Anything where another person determines their reality. It's a totally alien concept to me. I get it from a biological point of view, but what I can't imagine is how they represent it to themselves as a consistent story. And yet they must. I find this interesting. It implies, or hints at, some pretty far out stuff. They must perceive things in a very haphazard way that only makes sense in the social hierarchy.

I see a lot of the NT world seemingly enjoying the aspect of socializing. I do not understand where the great need for socializing comes from. For me, with Asperger's, I feel like I leave my comfort zone in order to socialize (except with my family---I feel at ease with them). I prefer spending time with my interests rather than socializing.

Double standards is my worst enemy. OK, I have double standards with people too - I come across as this quiet, meek, laid-back, happy person when I'm out with friends, but when I'm at home I turn into my usual, irritable, snappy, angry, whiny self, so my family have to put up with that and my friends get to see the sweet side of me.

But it's annoying when my brother does something really inappropriate and my mum just says, ''oh that's just the way he is'', but if I do something inappropriate my mum says, ''you shouldn't do that, that is immature and stupid.'' So I've got to make more effort than other people while other people can get away with acting like a***holes.

I'm not sure this is a double standard.



Right, this kind of thing is so frustrating.

i do not understand how other peoples emotions can be "infectious".
i do not even understand how they develop certain emotions in the first place.

the most puzzling example i can think of is when i go to the tavern to eat my dinner, and there is a sports game on the television, and everyone is enthralled by the progress of the game, and they all jump up and cheer when someone scores a goal or when other events occur which punctuate the prevalence of the side they wish to win.

i could not care less about sport. i know no one who is playing in the game on the TV and i know that no one else in the tavern personally knows anyone who is playing. even if i did know someone personally who is involved in the game on the TV, i would not be affected by the outcome. i am not responsible for any part of the outcome of the game, so how could i feel proud? i do not feel pride anyway even about my own achievements let alone the achievements of people i will never know.

how can anyone claim credit for the efforts of people they do not know prevailing in a contest?

they feel "proud" that the people they barrack for are winning, but they forget that they are merely onlookers who are not involved in any way with the game.

they all seem to be spiritually nourished by the people that are in their proximity who are similarly elated, and they hug them and jump up and down (i know that one cannot jump down), but i can not understand that behavior, and i retreat further into my shell when that sort of malarkey happens because i have no capacity at all to join in, and people often notice that i am not interested in their situation when they see me scribbling my calculations in a socially divorced way on my table in isolation, and they become angry that i am not a member of their "feel good" crowd.
it is all too loud. when a goal is successfully kicked into, they all roar with approval, and i have to cover my ears.

some may notice my disapproval of the rowdiness, and a typical comment may be :"hey man!! what the f*ck is wrong with you?!?! what's that sh*t you're doing?"

the smell of body odor is also frightful when too many people squeeze together.

many times i have to go home before my meal is ready when an "important" game is being played, and i never know when that is going to happen, and i do not go to the tavern much any more because of that.
______________
i do not smile at things i am not inclined to smile at. i notice that when people talk to each other, the listener usually smiles while they are listening. why do they do that? do they find what they are hearing is funny? i smile only when i think something is funny. many people smile when they see a pretty picture or see a baby, and i can not process that. my face is always dormant unless i find something either amusing or frustrating.

i have 4 types of facial expression. i have a smirk when i am trying to suppress a smile, and i smile when i can not suppress the smirk stage, and on the other side, i lift my left eyebrow when i am mildly displeased, and i frown when i am severely displeased.

mostly my face is neutral when i listen to other people talking ....no matter how enthusiastic or forlorn they are, and they get the impression i do not care about what they are saying. often they are correct.

i do not need any reinforcement from other peoples faces to make me feel good. i feel good all on my own.

maybe i am unlovable but tammy loves me and i love her, but she finds it easy to love me because i do not pretend anything, and i love her because she also does not pretend.

i think that pretense is the most confusing and dishonest way to be.

Mornin'

I don't understand why NTs refuse to say what they mean.
Why there are times to say what you mean.
Why they prefer the less honest answer, despite asking for honesty.
Why they're not more careful with the words they choose to use.

I understand that everyone is "judgmental" - but NTs seem to use it toward the detriment of the being instead of building helpful/useful schemas.

Hmm... thanks for asking!

_Bloom

YES, YES, YES! And also why they get mad at you when you tell them the truth. They know it's true and don't want to admit it.

I also can't see the need to have to judge people from the outside, instead of actually getting to know them to see what they're really like. It's like when my cousin brought round a DVD of ''Planet of the Apes'', and I knew it wasn't my thing and I thought it'd be really boring, even just by looking at the cover, but when we actually watched it, I found it quite interesting, and I got into it, and I probably could watch it again.

So I really don't see why people can't look past what's on the outside, and have more consideration of what's on the inside. I thought NTs would be able to do this better than Aspies, but apparently it seems like it's the other way around.

HA! I love it!

I have a range of facial expressions I've trained myself to use, but I only use them as appropriate, and not as expected. Like you, I only smile when I have something to smile about, and that really irritates people! NTs just don't get how exhausting it is to "perform" like that...

I went for a psych-eval once in the clinic I normally go to, but was working with a new "therapist" for this eval. She commented in the middle of the eval that something was obviously wrong, and started asking me whether or not I wanted to harm myself. She noted that I had hardly made any eye-contact with her, hadn't smiled at all, and used very little vocal inflection.

Scary thought that I nearly got shoved into inpatient treatment just because I wasn't "expressive" enough. Next psych-eval I'll need to remember to bring a fez and some cymbals. >.>

I love the last line of your comment... it really is a pretentious performance of dishonest and feigned interest or empathy that leads to confusion or hurt feelings.

Ha! Guess I needed to vent...

_Bloom

I do not understand how people can do things back to someone that may end up punishing the innocent person. An example would be, these people have these neighbors that are annoying, they always mow their lawn at seven in the morning and they leave stuff out in the yard and it bothers them. So they decided if they do those things, then they would be able to put up with them blasting their music loud in their home and don't they ever think about the other neighbors? Why must the other neighbors suffer with loud music now? Why must they now have to deal with two annoying neighbors than one? Selfish IMO and also passive aggressive because the other person may not realize they are being annoying or disturbing anyone so for them to play their loud music, the "annoying" neighbor may think they are just rude people and so inconsiderate. They won't learn a thing. Do people not think or do they not care?

The list of what I do understand is much shorter.

Hold on, I've got it right here:

Also, I don't like the attitude some NTs have (not all though). I've come across some people who have the ''don't do what I do, do what I say''. I call them hypocrits. Also, I've met some people who tell me to stand up for myself, but as soon as a situation comes where I should stand up for myself with that person, they don't like it. It's a bit like my employment advisor at the job centre, when I say that I left my last volunteer job because I didn't like the way I was being treated, he always says, ''well you should have put your foot down, been honest with them and said how you felt'', and he is right. But if he sends me to jobs that makes me anxious or I know I can't do, and I put my foot down, be honest and say how I feel, he doesn't like it, and finds an answer for everything and never listens.

I feel like saying, ''this is why I don't like standing up for myself - it's a waste of time!'' And people wonder why I just end up walking away from a situation rather than standing up for myself. It's because I know some people have an answer for everything instead of listening to me and considering how I feel.

Lack of empathy is a human trait, I just wish people would stop accusing it to be an Aspie trait. It's so frustrating.