Callista wrote:
Remember that gifts are a form of social communication--a ritual meant to strengthen social bonds.
When someone gives you a gift, it's because they're following that ritual, to strengthen the connection between you. So, the communication you are receiving is something along the lines of, "I feel connected to you," in some way. It could be a matter of being in the same social group (a family, a class, a team at work), romance, or friendship; or it could be a way of strengthening social connections during a time of transition (a wedding, a funeral, a move, or a new family member).
So what you're thanking them for isn't truly the object, but their attempt to confirm that you and they are connected. You can sincerely thank people even for something you don't want and won't use, because the fact that they got you the gift is the real communication--not their creativity or extravagance in getting the gift itself. (Sometimes the gift can communicate something, too. For example, if someone gives you the video game you've been wanting, the message is "I want you to enjoy this thing." Or, if my mom gives me a package of granola bars, her message is, "I want to take care of you." Things like that.) But you can say, "Thank you, this is so nice of you," without feeling like you are lying, even when you don't like the gift, because you can still appreciate the message behind the gift.
In other words: "It's the thought that counts."
I understand all this, in fact, it's the whole problem. When I was a young kid, I could just get excited over the gift, as kids do. That part of what the OP describes, his experience as a child, I don't relate to.
It's his experience as an adult, that I relate to. I have a difficult time with being personally acknowledged or acknowledging others personally. At least, in a verbal way. I express that sort of thing in other ways if given the choice, just doing things I know they'll appreciate or what have you. And then feel embarrassed when they acknowledge it!
Oh well. We do our best. C'est la vie. I'm not too worried about it because most people who get to know me don't seem to have too much trouble understanding.