How to curb UNHEALTHY instances of Aspie Obsession

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I'm totally obsessed with my current partner, and she seems to alternate between loving me and despising me each hour...

Its really difficult to me because I get so focused I can't see anything negative she can do, and end up blaming whatever happens on myself, till I explode..

Lately however I've found various ways of letting her know what she's doing, time will tell if she cares whether the games she plays hurt me or not, because so far she seems to not even realise she is actually doing it, which scares me.

That was another thing.

I idealized her as being perfect.

So whenever she was acting like a nasty cast-iron b*tch for no real reason at all (according to third parties who at the time were vainly attempting to snap me out of it), I would rationalize it to mean that it was somehow me who was a bad person.

A very, very bad person. Because only a bad person would be treated so badly by someone so perfect.

That's one of the worst parts about the obsession. Putting them on a pedestal and basically deifying them.

Which is something nobody should ever do to any human being, living or dead, unless it's like... Christ Himself.

I had a frighteningly similar experience as you. In this case (looking back) she was a fellow Aspie (takes one to know one) -Star Trek DS9 + Maths obsessions and a self-confessed schizoid loner. She had a mother (The Ice Queen) who was a religious zealot with OCD (more likely AS) and a shy father who was an engineer.

She told me that if any friend annoyed her, she would abandon them for ever...she would ignore ex-friends and walk past them as if they were invisible. Inevitably, a year later, our purely platonic friendship inexplicably ended and I became invisible. I was shunned; and I forgot what she said to me about abandoning ex-friends. She walked past me as if I did not exist and did not return any of my email. I did not know the reason why I was being ignored as I forgot our conversation of a year earlier.

In the end, I had an inevitable nervous breakdown due to being ignored, toped off by a single email I sent to her expressing my undying love- for an ex-friend that I was never in the least attracted or attached to and when I knew her, I was frightened of her unpredictable temper that could be physically violent on occasion.

It took me 5 years or so to get over it. And even now I can lapse into negative obsession again. I talked to "friend" of hers last year who said that she often abandoned friends and that I was not the only one she ignored. I then recalled what she told me about abanonding friends and it all fitted into place. Her "friend" said that she is was the oddest women she ever met and that I should not have taken it personally that she ignored me.

But I can't help thinking that it was entirely my fault; to this day, I have continuous feelings of unforgiven guilt that drives me to help people and do good deeds. I too only remember the rare times when I did find her appealing and felt friendship for her, rather then the predominant fear of her temper. I am just shocked by how coldly she treated me. It was as if I were a light bulb that she switched off.

I asked 3 people with severe to moderate Asperger’s (I started a social group for people with AS) what would happen if they ignored a friend? Their answers were revealing...

They will lose interest and will go away
They will have to change their plans (as they won’t be meeting up with me anymore)
They will have to find a different friend

None mentioned the emotional effects of being ignored. People feel depressed when they are ignorred!

Well anyway, counseling is a bad idea. It will only allow you to obsess more. I found Prozac (20mg a day) helped me allot. After 2 weeks or so, my obsessive thoughts went away. Stress is also causes increased obsession, to try to relax or remove stressors. Also, a cluttered and untidy office/home also increases stress, make sure you have tidied up and arraigned things as neatly as possible.

I used to be like that. I've changed, though.

WOW Callista, you're lucky. I guess you take the asexual label seriously. I wish I could detach myself that easily, Then again, I guess I should feel lucky that I have not had any feelings like that I couldn't control. They CAN be strong at times though. I wish I was married, but I won't settle too much, an maybe I have my sights set too high. Then again, maybe it's good I'm not married.

Just yesterday, the subject of something cae up to a woman(who incidently is NOT fat), and I said it was good for losing wieght also. Then she says "Are you saying i'm fat?"?

THEN, I said to some people "OH, she is still upset because she thinks I said she was fat!" I said it in JUST, to make it clear I didn't, etc.... She said "You're lucky I don't get offended too easily.". I can't win. 8-(

ALSO, almost 100% of women in the US that have been tested show some exposure to HPV. I can do without things like that also.

Steve

Burned off, yuck! anyways i can't go to a dermatologist as I can't access my Dr and I am on benefits and dermatologists cost. You'd have to burn off all my hair too yuck! There is a possibility i have had shingles, I hear this can give lasting painful infections and can be on your head. at the time this ewas a possibility I only had an emergency doctor and he said You could have shingles, or you could be allergic to something rubbing on your skin" he could not give me a firm diagnosis or oprescribe anything as he was only emergency. At the time my bumbag(fannypacK) could have been rubbing on my skin and I still have brown scars on the right side of my stomach from this and I had spots that year on real unusual places like my knees toes backs of hands etc. we thought this was an allergic reaction to medication I was on at the time and the others have cleared up now I have stopped it.I will ask my M8um what she did and iam being investigated for aspergers so i might get some help that way.
I guess i am lucky i have had about 5 boyfriends all a bit aspieish, one very friendly and talkative he was the best. i have had two too talkjative one that lied and one that was interested in oyther girls all the time and two nice quiet ones, like my present one, who at the moment i am only writing to. i would say just don't give up caring and believe in yourself and life if yu can.

Burned off, yuck! anyways i can't go to a dermatologist as I can't access my Dr and I am on benefits and dermatologists cost. You'd have to burn off all my hair too yuck! There is a possibility i have had shingles, I hear this can give lasting painful infections and can be on your head. at the time this ewas a possibility I only had an emergency doctor and he said You could have shingles, or you could be allergic to something rubbing on your skin" he could not give me a firm diagnosis or oprescribe anything as he was only emergency. At the time my bumbag(fannypacK) could have been rubbing on my skin and I still have brown scars on the right side of my stomach from this and I had spots that year on real unusual places like my knees toes backs of hands etc. we thought this was an allergic reaction to medication I was on at the time and the others have cleared up now I have stopped it.I will ask my M8um what she did and iam being investigated for aspergers so i might get some help that way.
I guess i am lucky i have had about 5 boyfriends all a bit aspieish, one very friendly and talkative he was the best. i have had two too talkjative one that lied and one that was interested in oyther girls all the time and two nice quiet ones, like my present one, who at the moment i am only writing to. i would say just don't give up caring and believe in yourself and life if yu can.

Burned off, yuck! anyways i can't go to a dermatologist as I can't access my Dr and I am on benefits and dermatologists cost. You'd have to burn off all my hair too yuck! There is a possibility i have had shingles, I hear this can give lasting painful infections and can be on your head. at the time this ewas a possibility I only had an emergency doctor and he said You could have shingles, or you could be allergic to something rubbing on your skin" he could not give me a firm diagnosis or oprescribe anything as he was only emergency. At the time my bumbag(fannypacK) could have been rubbing on my skin and I still have brown scars on the right side of my stomach from this and I had spots that year on real unusual places like my knees toes backs of hands etc. we thought this was an allergic reaction to medication I was on at the time and the others have cleared up now I have stopped it.I will ask my M8um what she did and iam being investigated for aspergers so i might get some help that way.
I guess i am lucky i have had about 5 boyfriends all a bit aspieish, one very friendly and talkative he was the best. i have had two too talkjative one that lied and one that was interested in oyther girls all the time and two nice quiet ones, like my present one, who at the moment i am only writing to. i would say just don't give up caring and believe in yourself and life if yu can.

sorry about the three posts i have a computer with a dodgy connection here. Yes you get very depress ed being ignored i did all through school and do now.

I am really sorry it seems you canonly delete posts just after they are entered and I did not knoow thatthey had gothrough. the little x in the corner has disappeared. One of my boyfriends only gave 2chances and i blew one by consulting his stepmother and doctorinsteadof him when he lied as i thought he would not listen an d understand when i was angry, i deeply regret that, you cannot really talk too much, i like people talking to me, it was only the lying i could not cope with i realise now he could have been overexaggerating for attention and i did not go to him for an explanation, ibut i really need someone i can trust. i understand sometimes people lie to help themselves and can threaten violence under stress while i just go silent and canot talk to them- the talking ornotalking is not an issue- the first one dumped me after a year when I left the area but demanded I still ring him every week for 10 years while he did not ring me. i could not help leaving the area i went into hospital i left home for him under difficult circumstances when i was allright.