Am I THAT different? Really?

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Give it time, it really is so very soon to expect undertanding.

By judging I mean classifying.

I came across a lot more harshly than I wanted to.

I wasn't trying to measure your friendship, I was trying to turn things around to where you might be judged harshly for being autistic, and I did it badly. I'm sorry about being so harsh in my response - this particular topic is an intense one for me because of my own history.

It is absolutely fine, I assure you. I understand that this medium lacks many of the nuances that face to face communication carry... though those would have been lost on me as well...

I actually did not use the proper words for the people involved... their friends... my acquaintances are the ones who reprimanded me for not being there... I have 5 friends... 3 of which have had that status for over 15 years. She is one of 3 and another who is relatively new, but appreciates my reasoned and logical approach to most things...

The reason that I feel that I may have misjudged her is not that she would feel that... but that people that I allow to be friends have always come to me when they have problems... Ironically enough, it is most often when they are having emotional issues... her included. The fact that there was no inkling that she was feeling this way (and I have heard about every other little nuance, thought and feeling - always with the quote "I am sure that this makes you uncomfortable, but I know I can trust you and I trust your judgement") is why I feel I misjudged. If the level of friendship that I felt with her was accurate, it seems to me that I would have known before an attempt was made.

Thank you for the clarification

That makes sense.

I know in my case I didn't tell anyone for a long time. Even when I made attempts, I never managed to hospitalize myself so I just hid it. In my case I was afraid of being hospitalized for it, but there are many reasons people don't talk about it. I had to commit to talking to someone whenever I felt that way and make it a hard and fast rule to insure I do - and I still don't always.

I can understand not discussing a great many feelings and reactions... I rarely discuss things myself.

The reason this is confusing is anything that is not logical (i.e. irrational) causes severe cognitive dissonance in my case... So, once I reach that stage, I have to have a sounding board... That it was not discussed is one of those "I don't have a frame of reference."

As I post here... I am starting to realize that I am extremely different from almost everyone else... Even other aspies...

I also feel the same way about suicide. If you have a wife and family and you go decide to kill yourself, I find it so hard to not judge you. In fact all I feel is anger. Suicide is something I hate a lot. Rarely do I feel sorry for the person who did it and find it justified.

Yes I have been suicidal before and talked about doing it and I nearly got hospitalized for it. Only reason why I never did it was because I was too chicken and I am glad I was chicken or else I would have hurt my family and an innocent person if I decided to jump in front of a car. Then I felt suicidal again when I lost my baby and the only way I stayed alive was because then my husband have no one else and I can't do that to him. Plus I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again if I was dead.

Everyone reacts different. You just probably thought she was taking the easy route. Maybe your projecting yourself. She hit the bar of the limit, that she could take at the time. So she decide to do it, I can only tell you from me. You not really thinking at that point, you just do it.

Oh, I agree... we are all different... But the more I discuss with people, the things about my my mental processes that I had assumed were because of being and aspie, are not... We use the term "wired differently" to describe ourselves... but I don't seem to have any of the same thought processes... and this is after reading thousands of pages of posts on this site, discussing with aspies in other forums, going to some support groups...

I am not saying this as a way to garner sympathy or elicit an empathic reaction... I believe that my modes of cognition, reasoning and thought are alien to most. I do not feel a sense of isolation, nor do I feel that I am less or set aside from those around me... I just notice this gulf in cognitive faculties... sometimes more acutely than others.

Like you said before, with point of reference. I really think it is all down to what references you have or what system you can build off of your current reference system. Like search for a matching pattern or senior.

Then you got what path you walked along your life & values, ideas, etc & everything else that makes up you. Really they is not one mould that can fit all. They just try & force you into a box.

Really As to me is just a medical term. They is probably way too many personality’s, compressed under the aspie. I not read any aspie books, beyond the Tony Attwood book. I read Introvert ones. Maybe I should read one to see what it says.

I don't think it's so much a matter of thinking differently as having a different frame of reference. You have no frame of reference for this, others have a frame of reference to varying degrees.

Also, I think anger at someone who committed suicide is a natural reaction, much like being angry at someone who murdered a close friend or family member. Suicide just means murderer and victim are the same person.

I just try not to judge people because I could have been there so many times.

Again... I have to say... there is not one drop of anger...

And it is not just this... it is not the lack of reference frame....

I have spent many long hours speaking with the three who have been friends for 15+ years... and the constructs of my psyche are drastically different from NTs... On the flip side, all the aspies I have compared notes with tell me I am "weird" in the way I think.

Your response to your friend's attempted suicide is disgust. You explained your logical thought process about why you're disgusted. I think I can follow your thinking, her behavior was not rational from YOUR perspective (but it was from hers at the time otherwise she wouldn't have attempted it) and your consequent disgust is therefore understandable and I think other people, NTs and Aspies alike, might entertain such thoughts also. The same thoughts you mention would cross my mind (but not take priority). MANY thoughts and emotions run through your mind in this situation and for most people, other thoughts and emotions (concern, shock, anger, sadness...) would take priority and direct their behavior. Hence your friends are all down at the hospital.

What stands out for me is you're not entertaining other thoughts and emotions in this situation (although you posted seemingly with this in mind so you are aware of it). Hope this makes sense, just my impression.

i find it really hard to figure out what I'm feeling, sometimes. When other people tell me how I'm 'supposed' to feel, it just makes things more confusing. It sounds like you're disappointed with your friend, not only for giving up, but for not confiding in you beforehand and perhaps seeking your help. In the past I've found it hard to talk to anyone about my suicidal feelings because I've felt so ashamed of myself. And maybe now you're insistence on being so drastically different from everyone else, even other apies, is just an attempt to explain to yourself why you couldn't help her or see that she was so desperate. Don't cut your friend off. Maybe you can help each other in the future,

It's not insistence, simply a statement of observation. And it is something that I have always felt... not a new feeling... This has just thrown things into a stark contrast... When events become emotionally charged, I am often surprised by the emotional responses of those around me

I think the fact that you feel disgust indicates that you're judging her. And personally I don't think being judgmental of others (especially those with diagnosed mental illnesses) is something we should aspire to.

The lack of feeling I can understand though. My cousin killed himself last year, and my mom is still horrified and heartbroken over it, but all I ever felt was... 'Wow, that's too bad.' :/