The first few times I tried cannabis I had strange reactions. People noticed that I was behaving oddly from it and pointed it out to me. One time it made me feel so heavy I had to go lay on my side next to a log to keep from feeling like gravity was crushing me. I also got paranoid feelings sometimes from it.
Since then I have become dependent on it to relieve anxiety. I've gone without it for long periods, and I notice that I get seriously perturbed if I do. I'll become sharper and have more energy, but I'll also begin getting incredibly uneasy and intellectually combative. Sobriety is honestly a bit hellish for me, far beyond the "detox" period. There is a happy middle ground between addiction and abstinence that is most positive for my mental state.
I remember so many of my social interactions were in the pursuit of it. I just wanted to be able to relax. Then I would smoke with someone and all I could think was "I wish I could just be alone right now."
These days, I will just smoke a small bit and sit and space out in thought. It's one of my favorite things about it; it makes my ruminating extra fascinating and enjoyable.
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We seldom realize, for example, that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society - Alan Watts