Toilet habits

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I like answering questions. When people are open enough to want to know more, I appreciate that.



I have not had any surgery yet. I definitely intend on getting "top surgery" (chest reconstruction) but for female-to-male transgender people there is not really a reliable "bottom surgery". Phalloplasty exists, but there are loads of problems and complications that come with it.



I have not used a urinal yet. Transguys who use urinals usually use "stand to pee" devices - the most basic is a medicine spoon with the end cut off - you pee into the spoon part and it runs down the spoon and out the open end, essentially allowing you to pee standing up. They range in creativity all the way up to devices shaped like male sexual organs as well, so you can try and pee incognito. I've heard it takes practice. I've never tried it yet, as my body dysphoria isn't so bad that I need to stand to pee. I don't feel bad sitting to do it.



I usually don't care if someone hears me peeing - my hopes are, they aren't going to look and see what direction my feet are pointing. Some guys don't like using the urinals and they pee in the toilet anyway. Also, when I had just started using guy's washrooms and was nervous, I was informed that sometimes guys even pee sitting down, if they are also going "number 2".



I have been on testosterone for 13 months and haven't had a period since I started. By the time I was passing well enough to use the men's washroom, I no longer had to deal with a period.



Send your questions through PM and I'd be happy to answer them.

For some reason other guys seem to disregard empty stalls and would rather form a line to get to the urinals. Part of that sheep mentality IMO. Only after 1 of them sees me take a stall do they consider it as an option. Maybe it's like the song by the great DEVO - 'Peekaboo' - 'if you cannot see it you think it's not there/ It doesn't work that way'

My motive for starting thread was how others' nonchalance in this area affects my ability to function; it's interesting to see the replies and twists & turns on the subject, I wasn't sure if it was too delicate to discuss but thank you all for the input. If I may jump the rails on my own thread:

@Dots, when you made your decision was it before getting into relationships, or while with a particular partner, or reasons entirely apart from anything to do with being able to function in an intimate capacity?

I've often wondered how come people would go through the 'hassle' (I concede that if one feels strongly for doing it, one might not see it as such) when it's expensive and biologically imperfect (staying one's born gender has more potential for having kids, and those who think they don't want them; things change), when it is much easier to move about in life as a part of a same-sex couple? I can see only a few minor benefits if I were to change what I'm attracted to and became MTF on top of that. FTM to me just seems like adding unnecessary extra burdens to life (whenever you hear of despicable acts, it's way more HE did it, than SHE did it) like being expected to be a worker and a warrior, and better do all the dirty jobs with a smile and gratitude. OK, I'm monologuing, and on something that's only a mild interest.. carry on

I don't have issues with urinals because I am female and so don't use them, however, I hate using the bathroomss at school because the toilet paper is that cheap stuff because I guess the school buys it in bulks or something, the soap is harsh and it sometimes smells because there is no air circulation.

Also, I have a hard time using the bathroom when people are standing around talking in there for some reason.

Up untill the third grade, I would always crap my pants because I was afraid of the school bathrooms. I'm not sure though if that's aspie related.

Relationships have always been tricky for me. I am attracted to women, but when I was presenting as female as a teenager, I briefly dated a guy one of my classmates set me up with. There was no romantic attachment, the only feeling I had about it was relief that I was doing something normal and people would stop making fun of me (Classmates frequently told me they would get me an inflatable boyfriend, or that I should date imaginary people). I've never actually dated a woman. I know I'm a straight man, but now that I'm a transgender man, I either get wrongly assumed as gay or I get friend zoned. It doesn't help that I can't tell if someone is flirting with me or flirt back. I have no idea how to let someone know I'm attracted to them, other than just saying "I'm attracted to you" which doesn't always go over very well, at least the way I guess I say it. I suppose I did transition in part to function in a relationship - I'm not a lesbian, I'm a straight man, and I feel like if I dated as a lesbian, it would feel like more acting. (see below)



The reason why I've gone through with it, despite objections and opposition from my family, is that when I had to masquerade as a girl, I felt like I was acting all the time, and it was exhausting. I wasn't *me*. No one knew who I really was. The best decision I've ever made was the decision to pursue transition. It was hard, because I'm a singer, and my voice isn't quite as flexible now that I've been on testosterone, but I absolutely love my male voice, and I feel so much freer now that people see me as the man I always was inside. People have told me I'm more approachable now, and even the naysayers have conceded that I am much happier now.

Public restrooms: I use them if I have to, but if I can wait until I get home I do.

To give you a hard time, someone would have to out himself as a urinal glancer (I understand they do exist but are both rare and highly surreptitious). No one, and especially not someone likely to take exception with your status, would ever want to be known as a urinal glancer, not even for a few seconds in a washroom with some strangers. Anyone in the vicinity would be far more alarmed by the glancer than by you.

The only problem you're ever likely to run into is if there is a small child around, who has not yet come to grasp the code. Even then there's a good chance you would be the recipient of profuse apologies from the father, regardless of his opinion.

I don't like public bathrooms.

But when I do have to use one, I tend to pick one stall and I use only that stall(unless it's being used of course, in which case I use the one farthest from it)

I also have a really hard tome "going" if there are other people in the bathroom, especially if it's only like 1 or 2 people because it tends to be quiet, and it's super awkward!

I can hold my bladder a surprisingly long time

Cigarette smoke bothers me everywhere, but it definitely smells different in bathrooms.

In my case it was someone wrote graffiti on the walls at school and I thought there were gang members in the bathroom, and it was just part of 2nd grade. I don't why I freaked so bad, it was a total whitebread school

I appreciate your frankness, yes being rejected as a male was on my mind as well, I wasn't seeing it at the time. I also hadn't considered how a same-sex situation could be another form of pretending. But as for being a male all my life I sometimes feel we got a raw deal, which became reinforced after I read feminist author Susan Faluti. And then not being able to read flirtation, omg
that makes things even more complicated!

I hope you find someone you can give your heart to, but speaking as someone factory-equipped, it's damm tough