Do the "Normals" seem cold and inhuman to you?

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Sounds kinda like me. I have little sympathy for someone suffering due to the consequences of their own actions but I will give the shirt off my back to someone whos the victim of circumstances beyond their control (so long as it wont make things worse or if they can help themselves and just refuse to put in the effort).

Heh, human beings have alternately horrified and fascinated me my entire life. I often feel as if I live surrounded by monsters.... relentlessly self-serving, fake, dull-witted, and sadistic. Fortunately, I have a high capacity for intimidation and cruelty myself, so are far easier pickings out there than I for them to vent upon.

I wouldn't compare them to reptiles. A crocodile, snake, or turtle lives as it was clearly designed to live, without whining, cowardice, or regrets. In most humans, a combination of stupidity and vicious egotism prevents them from doing the same.

i am not saying we are not unique, that is just a standard i prefer not to approach, i agree that we are all unique, what i said earlier is merely saying that we are not any different from the ones throwing cold and inhuman treatment towards us, autism doesn't make us different, our personallity does.

You have a very good point. I think I may have even insulted reptiles with my remark.

Cold people can be both NT and AS. You can not judge the whole of people. I have met some NTs online that were truely vicious, they seemed to enjoy tearing me apart, their cruel words came flying out with no limits, and they didn't seem to see themselves in the wrong what so ever. I was the freak, and the troublemaker, even though I did everything in my power to fit in and follow the rules, for some people I would always stand out in a bad way. It is truely confusing when you think you are welcomed on a message board and are liked for being yourself, but then they later turn on you for some reason, in a pack even.

Rather than ignoring them, I tried to defend myself and tried to make them see how they are acting, but they thought I was in the wrong trying to make myself look like a 'victim' as if I was trying to manipulate everyone! I finally admitted that alot of the problems they have with me I cannot help and are due to my aspergers syndrome, it is very hard for me to admit this, and rather than appreciate the courage it took to say it, they would either accuse me of making it up, exaggerating, or lying. Or that it should be easy to 'get over'. It was not unlike mocking a wheelchair person and saying to him "Whats your problem? Stop your whining and walk already"

I am truely confused and appauled at the cruel hearts that some humans can have. And sometimes the more you defend yourself, the worse they get. Some people you can simply not reason with at all.

On the other side of the coin, my best friends are probably all NTs. Atleast they seem pretty normal and cool to me. Some of them maybe they aren't all 'normal' but I believe everybody has their own strengths and flaws. Everyone's got their own problems. Some people I have met and friends I have made treat me like I am 'beyond human', like if I am nicer and more interesting than most people they know, and I know of some friends when I haven't been online for ages, they terribly miss me! lol

So its pretty interesting that for some people I am a freak of nature, and for others I am an example of how humans should be, apparantely. They treat me like that. But I really can not tell if any of them have AS or something else, its hard to tell, but I would say the majority of people I know are NTs. So you can't say that NTs are more judging or not, because there are alot of reasonable NTs as well.

Agree.

We're always supposed to be the ones who are cold because we don't over-emote at the slightest little thing, but the 'emotions' that they feel always seem to be primarily self-centered. It's like... an NT will claim they love someone, but what they actually seem to love is what that person can do for them, how they can make them feel, how they can affect their social standing, how well they can perform in their little rituals. I see people having huge fights with their supposedly beloved partners because they forgot their birthday, or 'humiliated' them by turning up somewhere wearing the 'wrong' kinds of clothes. I sometimes doubt very much if NTs actually have any real friendships, either, because all they ever do to their 'friends' is gossip about them and put them down as soon as they leave the room.

You might observe that the most guilty of the examples above are NT women. I don't like other women very much.

That could be true as I am an Aspie.

I am unable to do what NT's do unless I make myself not care how another person feels. The only reason why I even entered into trying to do what others do is because they told me to be more "normal." "Normal" or NT people do appear to have malicious intent. I also feel like when they tell me to be more like them, and less like myself, they want me to do manipulative people like they do.

When I put my mind to it, I can be just as deceitful as them and get what I want. I might even be better at it in some situations than they are. But I hate doing this. My conscience feels horrible when I mimic NT's. So I choose now to stay away from "normal NT's" for now until I can find a better way.

IMHO, I think they do have motivations to better themselves at other peoples' expense. And I've seen NT's lie to avoid feeling guilt. Lie and deny to themselves and to other people. Not all NT's though and I have to make sure I add that in. There are some very empathetic AND compassionate NT's ....

I have read that Aspies don't have the developed empathy so they are the ones who "project what their own motivations for a given behavior would be." This is called egocentric empathy.

The NT's are supposed to have a more advanced empathy in the fact that they can know how another person feels and think without actually ever going through the experiences.


To tell you the truth, it sounds like you have more empathy and compassion on top, than a lot of NT's I've known : ) It would be nice if an NT said what you are saying about us Aspies rather than calling us freaks, wierdos, etc.

That's true; but I don't really regard that as much of an issue where AS vs. NT in concerned.

I consider myself very cold, but I wasn't always; on the contrary I began life as foolishly happy and optimistic.

But they were all so serious and full of themselves that I found them unapproachable; they would always say things like: "Who's that guy?" (I used to hear that in my sleep) whenever I came near, and interrogate me, expecting me to justify my entire existence to them (I would always attempt to oblige them by trying to do so, but then they'd ridicule me and tell me to scram anyway).

Everytime I ever met one that I thought was different, they would always disappoint me eventually; demonstrating that they thought me to be as inferior and lowly a being as any of the rest of them did.

I finally learned to stay away from them, and in time to think of them as a whole separate people; an enemy race, if you will, and myself as a minority of one.

I can lie to them and manipulate them like crazy just to make life easier on myself, and take a lot of satisfaction in doing so; chiefly because I've developed such a high level of contempt for them over the decades, and feel like I'm giving them just as much truth as they're entitled to.

I know how that must sound, but dealing with them is like dealing with North Korea: the 'Sunshine Policy' just doesn't work.

When you reach my age: you'll understand.

I have a job in retail right now, so I see a lot of the cold, vicious behavior in NTs. I actually got in trouble just yesterday because an irate customer with very likely severe narcissistic personality disorder lied to get me in trouble (she was mad, so spiteful). I had been unemployed for a very long time before I got this job earlier this month, but thanks to this lady, I might be jobless again.

If an NT hurts you viciously and intentionally, you have every right to hurt them. And hurt them bad. I have been hurt so many times by vicious people that next time someone does some s**t to me, there will be a f*****g puddle of blood.

I'm just venting...

Interesting question. I never had much faith that most people had good intentions, but maybe that's my own experiences. I do fine with NT's who aren't too shallow on 1-1. I just came from a message board for Parents of Children on the Spectrum. In one thread, a very smart NT, with an ASD son, posted that parents with children of ASD seem more in denial than those with things like Down's Syndrome and often have unrealistic expectations of their kids. I happened to mention that once ASD, you can't be cured, although I blabbed on (only half believing it) that one can learn to "pass" if they like, but that it's very stressful and that life is hard. I tend to talk my own reality and not sugar-coat. I dn't know how to do that. Well, the posters on the board flamed me to death. One said ASD is worse than cancer. One called me evil. I have to admit I "lost it" myself as I tried to defend my position--what a waste of time. Finally, I got banned, although other people were attacking ME, calling me mentally ill, baiting me, etc. That whole experience baffles me, and has happened to me before with groups of NTs. 1-1 I'm fine, but groups seem to hate me. I'm never sure why. Maybe I'm too blunt????
I don't think all NT's can be lumped together. The don't understand me and I don't understand them. Does that make either of us bad people? (I am still fuming about the board incident. Perseverence?) I need to mention that my son has PDD-NOS, which is why I came to the board, and I really do have a lot of knowledge. People seemed to really like my posts until I said something they didn't want to hear. And what a gang-up mentality!! !! Yikes!

I remember for a long time: my brother seemed like the biggest jerk to me. and not only that: people that try to help me such as doctors or sped teachers seemed like jerks.

Neither Aspies nor NTs have sole claim on being cold or malicious. All humans have the capacity to be incredibly kind and wonderful or incredibly cruel. We each make our choice, everyday and in every situation, whether we will be kind or unkind. I think this thread is unkind, generalizing an entire segment of the population as cold is both cruel and illogical.

I would be interested in seeing a comparison between neurotypicals and aspies in their respective rates of engaging in mutually altruistic relationships. I have never had any difficulty with this sort of relationship, and it is only friendships of convenience that have ever bothered me. I think that the problem the neurotypicals face is that they're too hasty to accept the illusory aspects of interpersonal relations, seeing truces between foes as friendship and softening retributional sadism with words like "justice." Aspies tend to dig for the meat of a person's motives and behaviors, I think.

Sometimes i would see NT's together and think they are best friends because of they way they are joking around with each other. And then i'll be talking to one of them and they will tell me how much the dislike the other one. I'll be shocked, and say but i thought you guys were friends. I'll be left shaking my head. Another, time an NT girl says to me "i don't like ppl that don't say much, you never know what they are thinking''. Just because they are talking doesn't mean they are saying what they are really thinking.