My angry boyfriend

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hartzofspace
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Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled

18 May 2012, 6:46 pm

Yes, I certainly wouldn't tolerate outbursts like that. My fiance got really angry about something a week ago, and chose to vent at me. I of course melted down, but later when we were both calmer, I told him that if he chose to consistently unload his anger onto me, then we were over. He promised to try and gain better control over his frustration. I said that I wouldn't be his emotional punching bag no matter what!

When I feel myself getting angry, I choose to leave the room until I am calmer. I hate shouting and stupid arguing. It never solves anything, really, and the hurt feelings afterward last a long time.

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Silvervarg
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Age: 37
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Posts: 787
Location: Sweden

19 May 2012, 1:23 am

Gll wrote:

Sorry I didn't see that there was a love forum...thank you for all of your advice.

To answer your question about the anger...it's almost daily, can be short, and if I respond angrily to him, things will spin out of control and we'll be fighting for hours. So much resentment for this behavior builds up inside of me I go on the attack a day or two after something happens. He doesn't seem to want to admit that he does this. And when we get down to it his anger has to do with his life and things in his life. I explained how hurtful this is to me, this morning I think we had a breakthrough.

I guess I'm just going to try patience and understanding...but having to police him about his hurtful comments and actions (got in my face the other night, aggressive and threatening), just bothers me. But I want to keep trying because he really is wonderful to be with.

I don't know this, but it might be so that he really don't want to unload his problems to you and simply bottles up untill he has a "valid" reason to be angry, if you know he has some tell tale signs (he becomes very critic against things, very quite or becomes very short in the tone etc) and make him agree (write a contract if neccessary) that if it happens he takes a few min to calm down alone and then either talk about it in a way so he doesn't feel like he's just whining, or just let him work on it on his own.

If you notice that he's already too worked up when he starts showing it, and acts out if you point it out, a (agreed upon) specificly coloured paper infront of him can be enough to draw his attention that you have noticed the oncomming storm and want him to notice it too.

Glad to see you're working on the problem, hoping for the best.