I literally don't understand why people act mean/rude.

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Being rude or mean, is a co-symptom of 'herd mentality' which prevails amongst the masses with Neurotypical Personality Disorder.

For example if person A has a particular hobby that person B might find interesting, then you might expect B to be nice to A.
But if that hobby might be seen as nerdy to B's peer group then B will have a stronger urge to distance himself from any perception of nerdyness , rather that show his true honest interest in that hobby.
Peer-group Imprisonment is a good way to sum up the NT majority. They are imprisoned into the mentally tiny World of TV reality shows and other rituals that requiree no intellect.
Indeed many such rituals such as antisocial behaviour, being addicted to TV reality shows, and gossip over nothing, are things which say "I am more interested in belonging to a group or herd..." than the scary , lonely and mentally challenging alternative of forming one's own opinions or interests.

I don't understand why people are mean to each other either.

Yesterday, I was walking down the street, and an idiot in a passing vehicle yelled at me, for what purpose eggsacly, I dunno. I don't know why people do these kinds of idiotic things to others.

Sad thing is, it's not just online. People assume meanness occurs only online because people are not face to face with the ones they are attacking. Meanness happens anywhere. Online and off. People are mean because they rationalize that it's alright to be mean and it often earns them attention from others who are entertained by the meanness or think the target deserves it. It's part of a social bonding ritual certain people employ.

Sometimes, people are mean with realizing it though. Unfortunately, if these mistakes are followed by positive reinforcements from others with praise such as, "but what you said was so funny I about died laughing inside," or "never mind being mean to her. She gets on my nerves anyway so who cares?" or, "you weren't being mean, just honest. I wish more people had the guts to say what's really on their minds," the unintentional becomes the intentional quickly. The once nice person can become quite mean.

Things can quickly escalate into a culture of meanness and petty behavior that really has merit but to drag the world down to the depths of utter despair.

I know you said you don't want to be pat on the back you just want to understand, but sometimes all we can do, is pat someone on the back and listen. Because some things truly don't make sense. They can't be put into words, or they will never logically make sense, because they aren't logical.

Like someone else here was saying, a lot of people are affected by their emotions, how they respond, especially online, as they seem to ignore the "little governor" in their head telling them that's rude to say. is just the spur of the moment on how they feel.

My boyfriend can be very rude, but imo that's because he does not understand what he is saying is rude. He is curt and is being honest and to a lot of people he seems rude and mean, but he's really just saying how he feels or how it is. I tell him all the time he is being rude and he sometimes gets upset by that, telling me what he said was just true and not rude at all, though now he says it was "curt" not rude.

Now this isnt the same as some peoples plain rudeness just for the intention to hurt someone elses feelings.But a few people being rude could possibly, just be that, being curt not rude.

Or Maybe they were taught that way, maybe they are looking to make themselves feel better, maybe they have an urge to be rude, most of the time it will not make them feel better, they'll feel worse, and keep doing it. Some people just have a personality like that..

And more than anything everyone is different, everyone likes different things, and vast majority of people feel that others need to some how share the same feelings/ideas, and when you don't feel the same way, it's going against them, therefore maybe an attack at them, so they become defensive and rude, as it's their copying mechanism and first response.

The behavior you describe OP is the exact behavior I have seen at babycenter. I see them as schoolyard bullies and figured they were probably bullies in school who liked picking on other kids. I also think people do that sort of thing to feel better because they have a hard day at work or have things going on in their lives so instead of taking it out on their kids or their husbands, they go online and take it out on to online strangers because they do not care and don't see it as real. Some of them have even admitted it so that is how I know. Plus people let their emotions get in the way so if something offends them a person asks, they bully them. Then ironically I would see them turn around and be against bullying because they say how wrong it is and bad. Most of them don't see themselves as bullies for such behavior they do online so that is why people are such hypocrites because they are unaware of themselves or because they don't see themselves what they are doing as bullying. Or they think the person deserved it so they see what they are doing is different than "real" bullying.

I think there are different kinds of rudeness.

In my experience, people in general are a mixed bag. They have good and bad in them, and when they are under some kind of stress, we often see extremes in behavior. When I am under stress, I tend to withdraw into myself. Other people lash out. I try not to read too much into it. I try, but I am not always successful.

Then there are those who value "honesty." They will come right out and tell you something hurtful, and then will say "It's the truth, isn't it?" In my experience, people like that don't like being on the receiving end of that particular kind of "honesty." It's not that they are evil, they just don't know any better. They probably never will.

Then there are those that do mean things in an attempt to feel empowered themselves. I was bullied by people like that in school. They weren't the popular kids, they were other outcasts like me, but they dealt with their pain by self medicating with alcohol, pot and other drugs, and by oppressing people who were even lower on the social ladder than themselves. I hated them when I was in school. With a few decades separating me from those events, I can't say I like those people. I think I do understand them, and I kind of feel sorry for them.

I want to thank you guys for being so nice and so helpful. Also of course for not just laughing at my question! A lot of things you have said resonated with me so much. Some of them I think really helped me understand the whole situation better... for example, someone suggested that I might not be realizing that other people think I have a hidden motive/agenda just because most NTs have their own hidden motives. It never occurred to me that that could happen... now I realize!

This is exactly how I feel, and it confuses me too! I'm a shy person, but any time I try to come out of my shell and post something that (I think?) is friendly on some kind of forum... Suddenly everyone is disagreeing with me, taking it the wrong way, pointing out factual errors, making sarcastic comments... Over something that I just intended to be nice! I seriously don't get it!

Me: Hi everybody! Good to be here, hope you're having a nice day!
Person X: It's nighttime in my country, don't be a racist tool
Me: Sorry... Hope you're having a nice evening then!
Person X: Do a forum search before posting. My dog died last week, how can I possibly be having a 'nice evening'?
Me: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that
Person X: It's insensitive racist pricks like you that make me lose faith in humanity
Me: *slinks away in shame*

...That's pretty much how my typical interactions go

Wow Kyra , you have some terrible luck with douches You are honestly having bad luck, because you seem like a great person, someone who can't take a how do you do , hope your having a good day, etc, is the messed up on. Your having a perfect polite conversation, it's just one sided.

Wait How come so many of you are getting yelled at while jogging? Are you girls?...

lol, because if your female it's most likely that your attractive that their yelling at you. Most males will do that towards women, it makes them look big to do it in front of their friends too. "You see that girl, looked right at me = thought i was hot"

Though my bfs uncle yells at very large "unattractive" women and whistles. And says things like "woo baby" Now that's just plain rude -.-

Tell me about it. It's no wonder why I grow so bitter towards people. I don't treat them like crap, and I'm still nice to them, but I have feelings of resentment towards them. I mean, they're the most pathetic forms of life. They shouldn't treat us like crap because we behave differently. Everyone's like this unfortunately, and you hardly find any good people out there anymore. It's like everyone I meet nowadays has to be so rude and mean, and they have to treat you like you're an idiot. However, I have learned how stupid mean people are, and this is based on my experience. We are superior to the likes of them, though unfortunately even some Aspies are like this, and I've met a mean one in high school. Ironic, I'm an Aspie, and the first fellow Aspie I meet has to be a jerk. Yeah, I know it really stinks, but there are good people like you and I who are still around. In the end, nice guys finish first, jerks finish last.