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Deccajay
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21 Nov 2006, 10:12 am

devilmaster2001 wrote:
i seen plenty of mates with as self harm, but ne'er have i done such a thing, at times i may become aggressive to the point of smacking my head off a wall hard to the point where at times i've knocked myself out or smacked a wall with my fist but in the end i calm down,

brother devil



um, well smacking your head off a wall IS self harm, too many people think its just cutting but thats not true.



Deccajay
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21 Nov 2006, 10:22 am

I used to cut but now I mostly punch myself, or bash my arms against the walls, some times it seems as though it comes without warning, some times I will wrap up in a blanket with my arms to my sides and lie very still, because i know if i dont move, I wont get hurt.



devilmaster2001
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21 Nov 2006, 12:11 pm

Hey brah, i know it seems like i am a self harmer but i dont mean too. its just the anger explodes like am atomic bomb in me. so i dont want to take it out on people in my hostel so i just hit the nearest thing. i mean my key worker in my hostel was in the office which is attached to my room and im the most independant person in the hostel yet she had to come in and have six other workers come in and restrain me cus i lost it cus i fell out of bed after being really annoyed in the end they let me go and i calmed down. im on an anger managment course and im working with a councillour but i admit i see myself now as a self harmer but all i want to do is live. i hate being angery. i dont hate the condition i see it as part of me. its just the world is wrong for me. because it is ignorant. i want to feel love and peace. i mean i met a girl and i want to settle with her but my body refuses me the chance to let down my gaurd around her. what else do i do.

brother devil



Aspie94
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21 Nov 2006, 12:23 pm

Does biting your fingernails and the cuticles around them until they bleed count? If so, I've done that since I was little and have no intention of stopping. It calms me down.

I dont' believe any of the "personality disorders" will hold up over time. In the US, many doctors now treat BPD with meds for bipolar disorder, with good results. I got the BPD dx. too and I thought, "Baloney." I never really believed it existed. I'm not much a believer in psycology. AS behavior was often mistaken for various "mental illnesses" before they knew what AS was. All of it is just theory anyways. I'm not a fan of theory. Show me the facts.



willow
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21 Nov 2006, 12:28 pm

yes, that would be classified as Self Injury.

your post made the song "I've got a Theory" from Once More, With Feeling pop into my head. :P


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Kahazidhea
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21 Nov 2006, 12:35 pm

devilmaster2001 wrote:
hey brahs, i know i am new but at the same time i seen plenty of mates with as self harm, but ne'er have i done such a thing, at times i may become aggressive to the point of smacking my head off a wall hard to the point where at times i've knocked myself out or smacked a wall with my fist but in the end i calm down, i believe the only thing thats out in the world is a bully called the minority of people who degrade us and self harm is what they want us to do. but if we can stand tall and say no. im not going to self harm im going to become a fighter for the cause and stand up to the bully. i find it incredibly hard sometimes and theres times ive done stupid things but i refuse to let people beat me down. so come on my brah stand up and be proud of yourself cus even though we are labeled we are also human. stand tall.

brother devil


Ummm, could you please edit that for us devil? You need to use proper grammar if you want to express your thoughts clearly.


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devilmaster2001
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21 Nov 2006, 12:53 pm

christ brah please. i know i have to put it clear but this is another thing that annoys me grammars hard. i mean im at work at the moment but you know, it really works for me to hit things to release ahey brahsi find it incredibly hard sometimes and theres times ive done stupid things but i refuse to let people beat me down. so come on my brah stand up and be proud of yourself cus even though we are labeled we are also human. stand tall.

brother devilll my energy. i need all the help i can get to be honest.


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novawake
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21 Nov 2006, 2:11 pm

Aspie94 wrote:
Does biting your fingernails and the cuticles around them until they bleed count? If so, I've done that since I was little and have no intention of stopping. It calms me down.

I dont' believe any of the "personality disorders" will hold up over time. In the US, many doctors now treat BPD with meds for bipolar disorder, with good results. I got the BPD dx. too and I thought, "Baloney." I never really believed it existed. I'm not much a believer in psycology. AS behavior was often mistaken for various "mental illnesses" before they knew what AS was. All of it is just theory anyways. I'm not a fan of theory. Show me the facts.


I've always bit my nails constantly since I was a child. I don't think i've ever seen the white part on the end of the nail ever...hehe I don't always bite until they bleed, but I do sometimes if I am very preoccupied/bothered. I scratch the cuticles as well, but since they are easier to make bleed, I tend to accidently make it bleed almost everytime I scratch them.

I don't ever use anything to cut myself with, but I seem to make lots of small superficial cuts by scratching my face and whatnot with my nails. They never bleed for very long. Maybe just a drop at most. This is more of a nervous thing and not intentional however. I haven't ever made a habit of intentionally hurting myself. There have been a couple times I've done something, but would that be considered normal if it's not a habit?



Kay_zee
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21 Nov 2006, 2:15 pm

I've only done it a few times when I struggled to find who I was and didn't feel there was anyone to talk to, I scratched my initial in so I'd know who I was when I woke up the next morning, bit strange I guess, but it helps.



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21 Nov 2006, 2:59 pm

I thought people self harm in a way of expressing anger as they have no other way to.

I've never self harmed. Thought about it though, but never done it.

My way of expressing anger in the past (and sometimes now) is punching myself, punching the wall, punching my door in my bedroom, or just mindless headbutting the wall.

I try to control my anger by listening to my iPod. Usually I put on Metal music.



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21 Nov 2006, 3:16 pm

I tend to meltdown in a strange way.. I dont scream or yell or flail about its more like every muscle in my body gets tight to the point its hard to move and I cant hear or see very well much less understand whats going on around me.

If left alone it goes away in about an hour (but leaves me really sore and tends to cause tissue damage after a while).

I started carrying around a portable tattoo gun with me in my purse and use it without ink and just concentrate on the pain for a while and I can cut down the "cooldown" time to about 5-10 minutes.

People think its weird if they see me do it but its not too alarming for them and doesnt cause any real damage or (usually) draw more than a drop or two of blood.

If they ask I just tell them Im practicing to be a tattoo artist :P


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Kay_zee
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21 Nov 2006, 3:30 pm

Alternative wrote:
I thought people self harm in a way of expressing anger as they have no other way to.

I've never self harmed. Thought about it though, but never done it.

My way of expressing anger in the past (and sometimes now) is punching myself, punching the wall, punching my door in my bedroom, or just mindless headbutting the wall.

I try to control my anger by listening to my iPod. Usually I put on Metal music.


I guess it is different for different people. It's probably anger of some form, but it helped me to remind me of who I am and once was guilt driven, but I don't do it anymore.

When I was younger I used to do the same as you, though instead of punching I'd kick stuff, especially the sink as it didn't make much of a noise. I try a pillow now, along with poetry, to express myself and remind myself of who I am.



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21 Nov 2006, 3:39 pm

Kay_zee wrote:
Alternative wrote:
I thought people self harm in a way of expressing anger as they have no other way to.

I've never self harmed. Thought about it though, but never done it.

My way of expressing anger in the past (and sometimes now) is punching myself, punching the wall, punching my door in my bedroom, or just mindless headbutting the wall.

I try to control my anger by listening to my iPod. Usually I put on Metal music.


I guess it is different for different people. It's probably anger of some form, but it helped me to remind me of who I am and once was guilt driven, but I don't do it anymore.

When I was younger I used to do the same as you, though instead of punching I'd kick stuff, especially the sink as it didn't make much of a noise. I try a pillow now, along with poetry, to express myself and remind myself of who I am.


I write poetry as well. Though that slipped my mind when writing that last post. I just write verses of anger about myself and my nasty experiences.



jimservo
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21 Nov 2006, 4:27 pm

I don't think so.



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21 Nov 2006, 4:32 pm

i have done a lot of those things. ive managed to stop all but the scab-picking.. im covered in scars from that.. it has only been serious when ive been in a meltdown though. if i need to hit, i hit something which wont injure me. i dont want to have to explain things to people if i hurt my hands or whatever. my biggest problem is my dad- he makes me angry, i used to hit him but now i just hit myself instead

amanda



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21 Nov 2006, 7:21 pm

Ummm... warning: this is not a post for the faint of heart.

Scab picking, scratching till you bleed, ripping nails / cuticles till you bleed, ripping off chunks of foot callous till they bleed (yes I am full of scabs and scars, ew, gross I know) - I do these things almost without noticing... just a kind of comfort thing, I guess... it's very weird.

When i was a teenager I would cut my arm a bit when I was very frustrated ith my parents but that only lasted a year or two. It's the other forms of self injury I seem to have a problem with...

When I have a meltdown, I can be very dangerous to myself... It's like I explode and lose all sense of my own body all I want is to feel physically what I feel inside but CAN'T... so I've punched a few walls / doors, skinning my knuckles in the process. Once (this past April) I even cut open my forehead banging it against a counter in a total loss of self control, a fit of rage and confusion... five stitches to the forehead is not an easy thing to lie about. Especially when you're as bad a liar as I am.

I want it to stop, though. Not the little stuff, that I don't care; there are LOTS of nail-biters in the world - but the injuring-while-freaking-out, that has to stop. I only wish I knew how.