How am I going to survive this weekend? Need some advice!

Post Reply New Topic

I try to keep the Buddhist thougt in my head that all things are impermanent and will pass away.This helped a lot two weeks ago when my daughter and a lot of her friends were over.I also get up and do little chores so I can have some space and not look like I'm trying to avoid them.Sometimes this can backfire if they offer to help you.Good luck.

It's so interesting - the main difference between aspies and NT's.

Consider the statement: "Honey, all my relatives are coming over for the weekend."
NT - "Yay!"
Aspie - Oh hell no!

Try and stick close to the boyfriend. Find a comfortable place to sit that isn't in the middle of things but offers space for others to join you. Like a couch rather than a chair. Also, don't try too hard. Firstly, its exhausting and also you will find the people you like better in his family if you are just you. Doing all that "work" never pays off.

sidenote: do not be afraid to use the bathroom as a temporary escape. Its the one place you can always go where nobady can bother you. Go, close the door, regroup, re-enter.

The more I think about, the more I know I couldn't be at that reunion. There's no way! I'd be hugging a barstool somewhere or chain-watching movies at the local multiplex or visiting all the sights I've been meaning to see.

Drag me to a reunion? Kicking and screaming only.

Try letting people tell you about themselves and anything that they have done and thought, etc etc etc. This way, the pressure will not be on you to talk, and plenty of NTs also enjoy monologuing about their favorite subjects.

Try circulating casually from group to group. Just stay long enough with each group to seem like you are hanging out with them, maybe make a comment or ask a question, stay long enough to hear the answer plus a little longer for politeness sake, then move onto another group.

Don't try to be the life of the party. Most of us are lousy at that. Instead occasionally ask questions. When you ask a question, the person asked will answer it, and will usually expand on the topic, and others may also join in with comments of their own. So anytime the conversation seems to be lagging, just ask someone a question to "prime the pump", and get others to do most of the talking, so you won't have to.

As for questions asked of you, it should be possible to figure out the most likely questions that people may ask you, and figure out ahead of time how you want to answer those questions. So do some advance planning on that.

Do take time out for private walks when you need to destress, though. Unfortunately, they are coming to see you and your BF, so you can't really spend much time hiding away from the maddening crowd, but remember, just throw out a question now and then to get others to do the talking.

Have a lovely visit!

Thanks everyone for some great advice! I've got a few follow-up questions:

1. Yesterday I bought a new addition to my Rubik's puzzle collection. A Rubik's Tower (2x2x4). I haven't solved it yet. Do you reckon it would be rude if I sat and tried to solve it during the day?

2. What should I do if I go mute-ish? I often do in social situations. It's like I sometimes have something to say but I can't physically bring myself to actually open my mouth and say it.

3. I know myself. I know I'll be anxious and I know I'm going to want to hit my head (which often makes it worse since I usually get headaches afterwards). How do I prevent that?

No.
I think the people would find it amusing and inspiring.


Maybe you could indicate using body language that you ned to use a toilette.
Or just politely smile.
Shrug and say nothing.
Or ..again..using body language indicate you need some time to think it over.


Leave the house in that case or find a quiet space there.
Probably just that will calm you down.
If not, do what you must, but gently, do not hurt yourself.

Yes, I think it might be perceived as rude. AND some folks might try & join you in solving the puzzle. I don't know how you'd feel about that; it would provoke me. But if you'd be cool w/having help, then it might be a good ice-breaker.



This is a tough one. Maybe make up little cards that say something like "Sometimes I have difficulty verbalizing my thoughts. I ask for your patience & understanding. Thank you." And let people know somehow (maybe your boyfriend could help w/this?) that you are very shy.



Will you hit your head w/others around? I won't, I go someplace private. Sometimes if I hug myself or my knees really, REALLY tightly that works. Also... do you have a weighted blanket? Or can you swaddle yourself in blankets or sheets? I can roll myself up tightly in a sheet & that helps calm the nervous system, too. You might try it if you haven't, practice your technique before you need it if it seems to help.

With all due respect I trust that you are mistaken here.
Why would a big group worry about someone having fun with a Rubic Tower?
That makes no sense.
They are all free to do what ever they want to do.
(within some limits, naturally)

To your second point,
that is rather unlikely ( that people would interfere)
maybe just to be friendly, but they would move on very soon.
That is my experience.

Baths,
Go to bed really early, including time to read/relax, or whatever it takes to get yourself to sleep.
Sleep in.
Find a way to make everything take longer (even an extra minute or two in the shower, re-brushing your hair in the bathroom (drink a lot of water. People might be less likely to touch you while you take a drink and it gives you another reason to escape to the bathroom more often.)
Are there invisible ear plugs? Not sure if they exist.
If nothing else works, be honest. 'I need a few minutes alone before I can talk to anyone', or however long you want to use.

These may not work for you. For me taking a bath might but I do better to force myself to stay around people the whole time, but color or something like that, and then take a day or so alone than I do to split up the day and have a lot of short time alone.
If you drive, find an excuse to do an errand. You can go alone or with one person, drive the long way (or walk to nearest stores), etc. And if someone asks to join you just say "No you stay and enjoy..."

I like these suggestions. I also like the idea of practicing the technique before a person really needs it.

To these, I might add a hand exerciser, or make your own impromptu hand exerciser, perhaps something as simple as squeezing a towel, so squeeze, release, squeeze, release, then shake out both hands.

And does the idea of yoga positions interest you? Maybe just looking up on the web and trying out the ones which seem easier?

I tend to try to hang out with the kids at functions like this. There tend to be a gaggle of them at big family gatherings. They have lower social demands, and it's hard to dislike someone who comes off as good with kids.

Although it helps that I also tend to bring my DS and a game that I can play while chatting. Having one foot in the orderly, numbered world of pokemon relaxes me enough to be more conversational, gives me an excuse for poor eye contact, and surrounds me with kids who frequently want to talk/trade pokemon. >_>

Also, if it wouldn't be inappropriate to the environment (really depends on what the family is like) you could do a bit of social drinking. I know I would with my in laws, if I felt I could be drunk around them without being too honest about how I feel about some of them. >_>

I think even for a person quote-unquote 'normal' (and no such thing as 'normal' anyway and how boring the world would be if there was! ), this would still been a lot of social interaction. I mean, gracious sakes, to meet new people and then spend two solid days socializing with them. Maybe people in the top 10% of extroversion could do this, but for the rest of us . . .

With your boyfriend standing there providing support and advocacy, maybe you could say to the one or two relatives you know best, or he knows best,

'I'm a shy person. I like people just fine, I like you guys just fine. But Wow this is a lot of intense social interaction.'

[pause]

'The two of us might need to disappear for a while in the afternoon. You two can understand that, right?'

And hopefully, they can be open to things like that as good workable solutions.

And maybe Sunday a.m. as a needed and well-deserved time for a breather?