Looking for the ring where there's light

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Or now that I read what you said again, so people just don't seem to want to be happy

I do much the same. I don't really understand the purpose of venting emotions unrelated to the issues, why not just bring up whatever's causing the other emotions? or try to solve the problems to rid yourself of those pesky emotions. (I scored a 3 on the empathy portion of the aspie tests while being completely honest, can you tell? :p)

Even, why bring it up at all if you don't want a solution? I certainly wouldn't, because that seems like a waste of time. The exception to this being when people decide they must not only ask, but press for an answer to why I'm down in the dumps, and my responses generally don't make sense to them, so they are too confused to offer what emotional support they might think I need, anyway, although I will tell them what's "bothering me" (though in reality, I'm usually trying to come up with a solution when they think I'm depressed..)

I suppose I should mention that I don't offer advice unless it's been asked for.. I used to, way back when, but I learned people don't like that.. Hell they don't even like it when they *do* ask for it..

And that's another thing, why ask for advice if you don't want any? That's just stressful for the person you've asked, because no matter what they say, it's not going to be good enough because it's not what you want anyway..

I think that may be the key right there. They may already know what they have to do to solve the problem or in some cases they are talking about something thats already been resolved or they don't care about the resolution at all. They've come to you for emotional support and you've givin them solutions to problems.

I can relate to not always understanding their feelings but I like to make my friends and family feel good so I just sit and listen and try to sound encouraging. Sometimes it makes me cringe when I'm doing it cause it feels fake but they feel better and that makes me happy to make them happy.

I try to, as well, and I don't mind doing so when it's infrequent, but I simply can't do it when it's constant.. I want to punch them, shake them, make them wake up and smell reality.. :p

I'm the same way, I try not to let it make me dislike them but I can't associate with them. Some people just don't mix.

I'm glad that, in the places I've worked, people knew me as being a technician. The only kind of problems they'd present to me were of the technical kind; that is, a computer needs fixing or a printer needs unjamming. I guess they felt that trying to lay family issue problems or boy-girl problems on my lap was futile.

Very, very interesting posts. I've learned a lot from them!

I guess when people are engaging in all this denial (talking about one issue when the emotions they're trying to heal are about another they won't mention, talking like they want solutions when they want comforting, paying lip-service to wanting to deal with the matter when they're not really ready psychologically - in short: up there in an illusory world -, it frustrates and angers me because it makes me feel lonely, alone down here in reality, trying to find solutions to my problems. Like there's no one there to talk to should I want them to help me find solutions to my problems. So I guess I try to pull them down to reality to feel less alone. Now that I've learned from this thread what it's all about, I'll make sure never to do it again.

Moondust, keep looking down that dark road - I believe too. Your unwavering path is the reason why there are novel discoveries in this world. You'll find that ring.

This thread means so much to me - thank you all.

Apologies for the double-post......There's a fairy tale I always liked and I'll share it with you. And apologies, this is not a very good version! Still the story is a favourite. The one who is good and pure falls down a well, loses her senses, and then is rewarded for her hard work with a shower of gold coins. What happens to the faker? http://fanzone50.com/Tales/FrauHolle.html

Moondust, you'll be covered in golden coins.

So how the heck can they tell I'm not being sincere if I nod and shake my head in all the right places and say stuff like " I understand" " yeah that sucks" etc. WTF^~

Yep, same here. I'm just asked where stuff is or can you do this prep thing or whatever. If I do talk to anyone it's about what they did and what I did that was similar to what they did in response. Suppose that's one-sided, but it sure beats regaling them with the chemical properties and flavor compounds in food or something...

Labpet, just wanted to clarify I meant that what I won't do anymore is offer suggestions for solutions. Of course for myself, I continue going down any path I believe may have a solution.

I liked the story, and I indeed think that actually solving one's problems instead of just whining about them is rewarding in the end. But I think NTs whine and do nothing in terms of thinking because solutions come to them when they least think - from their intuitions. They just happen to do the right thing, the best course of action, without having thought about it, while it takes me years of analysis to reach a solution in many cases.

kirayng, I think the NT doesn't mind if you're being fake or not, as long as you're not being "disruptive", i.e. talking instead of (pretending to?) listen, or volunteering out-of-the-box solutions or insight.

I don't think faking interest sometimes is a bad thing. You care about the person that's talking to you enough to listen to them even when it's difficult for you so you're not faking caring.

Besides, when someone I know is being a chatter monkey I just remember the last time I went on a 2 hour rant about my interests. I'm sure they didn't understand half of what I said but they paid attention nonetheless.

There is something about the way most people use conversation that makes them feel closer to each other I think. I can't quite put my finger on it but I think they need to talk to each other to maintain a bond.