Should I get an aide?

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If its more of a life coach I absolutely think you should go for it. I wish I could take advantage of the life coaches that have been recommended to me. (I think if my boyfriend gets a job getting me a life coach might be one of the first things we do its that important. The ones that would be good cost too much though.)

If its an aide I think you should think about it and think it makes sense for you to go for it, but think its your decision.

This makes me think of things. I think the ideal living situation would be with somesort partner. It fits the best with aspie relationships, fills in the holes, and its less stigmatizing.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this. It looks like what you might be saying is getting help from a potentially romantic potentially not partner that you live with?

You need to realize how often help can be needed. Relying on someone like that always causes huge challenges in a relationship whether its a friendship, a romantic relationship or what. An aide position has it work because its a professional relationship rather than a personal one. When it interferes with a personal relationship it can get really messy.

Beyond that, people need their own lives. We're currently having to figure out how are we dealing with forcing me to be independent enough to at least make me able to deal with the middle of the day or if he has to go off for a few days (like he'll probably have to do in not too terribly long) so my boyfriend can go to work and come back to me. He's not had a job yet primarily for other reasons, but partially because of me - now he needs to get a job by the fall. We're needing to put together enough of a plan to make sure that I'm doing things like eating while he's not here. It's a different sort of independence, but its also something that needs to be taken into account.

And yes, I'm helping him too. But its not even. I'm relying on him more than he's relying on me. These situations don't end up even, even if they start even.

I meant the ideal situation is probably living with someone else in a mutual relationship. I guess what I'm saying is there never seems to be any problems when two people live together, one does professional work, and one does housework, or something. I'm not even sure if I know what I'm saying.

What I'm saying is that even with us trying to get into those situations we have to be really careful about balanced and dependency especially because they won't be professional relationships - they'll be personal (even if they won't be romantic, they'll likely be friendships).

It is great to be living with someone and both being able to contribute what you can. But when what you can contribute has things you absolutely cannot contribute, problems will arise. This doesn't mean it won't work out or that it isn't worth doing. But its not a simple solution. That's the base idea behind the solution I've taken - I'm living with my boyfriend - he cooks because I can't, he cleans the bathroom because I can't, he's going to work because I'm not being employable. I manage our finances, I deal with dishes and the kitchen, I take care of animals (my cat and the rest of his family's 'cause we're moving in with them), I manage our schedule.

It's still a huge mess at the moment. It's an absolutely worth it huge mess. But its a huge mess.

We are trying to make me not actually need him, so that I can do most things, knowing that it'll probably be a lot harder on me to do them, and then have him do them unless he really can't, but have me capable of them.

I wouldn't.

Why not:

- Order/buy prepared meals. Most can be microwaved, and are fully prepared. Some cities have programs for the homebound that deliver cheap meals that are already prepared. Plenty of college kids don't know how to cook. You could look basic "microwave" cooking and buy proper food. Or, order something like NutriSystem boxed foods (or whatever) that's already packaged and nutritionally balanced.

- Online automatic bill pay. Setting that up takes an hour or two one afternoon, tops, and continues indefinitely.

- Forms? School forms... ask the adviser for assistance or the disabilities office. Bring all forms at once, limiting meetings.

- Get mental health treatment. Meds for serious depression.

- Find a calendar system that works for you. Set your phone clock to alert you and remind you of everything, from feeding the cat to...

- Yes, you could pay someone to proofread your essay, etc. Or, sometimes college writing offices will do that for free. Career services offices at colleges often offer resume editing and job search services for free. Sometimes the college disability office will offer free notes from classes. Student council office sometimes offers free copies of OLD exams from professors to help as a study guide.

Then you can keep your privacy and independence.

Oh I forgot to mention about this: frozen food isn't the only option. There's also freeze-dried food. Like those in large cans meant for long term food storage. All you need to do is scoop out some and pour boiling water on it, wait a few minutes and it's a meal. Many of them actually taste pretty good. Lots of backpacking people bring those for camping. The best thing about this is shelf life (25 years). You don't need freezer or even fridge. Have some on hand. Then on those days when you're sick and tired, don't feel like cooking, don't feel like going out to grocery store, or whatever reason, you can pull your cans out and have a quick meal.