How many friendship attempts to get 1 friend?

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DrPenguin
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26 Jul 2012, 7:11 pm

1 but the right person. All my closest friends I've found by accident like my closest (he was sat next to me at school by the teacher), 3 I lived with in shared houses, 3 I found by walking into a bar 4000 miles from home, while others I worked with.

You make friends by finding people who you share interests, experiences and opinions then you get used to having them around. People can tell if your trying too hard to be friends and it worries them, you have to find a happy medium. It's normal to have a several acquaintances but true friends are rarer.


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Velociraptor
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27 Jul 2012, 1:00 am

redrobin62 wrote:
I've never known anyone to go out and purposefully intentionally seek a friend. I've always thought it to be a spontaneous event, you know, like it was least expected. If someone came to me and said, "I'd like to be your friend," I'd be extremely cautious because, in my mind, friendship just doesn't happen this way. It's just something two people feel without the obvious being stated. Just continue socializing how you always did - join clubs, church groups, etc. The more you're out there, the more you're exposed to meeting someone.


Friendship isn't something that should be forced...

But, you can join school/work clubs, local social groups, charities, meetup. com, and similar groups that are meant to introduce people to each other.



LabPet
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28 Jul 2012, 5:39 am

Yes, and because oftentimes we have a paucity of friends, we might be way too overly eager to make a friend. I know I've made the mistake of being too accepting of others....sometimes they then use or mistreat me :(

Because so many NTs have an abundance of friends, they can be choosey. After all, they don't 'need' to be friendly with the newcomer - they already have plenty. So they're more selective. This can leave us at a real disadvantage.

Ironic in that most Aspies truly are friendly people. Yet we are so easily hurt by those who are more socially crafty. One reason I like men better is because I've noticed [NT] women can be socially manipulative....and cruel and critical in insidious ways. 'Mind game' players. Ouch.


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anneurysm
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07 Aug 2012, 9:15 pm

How much time are you spending with each person in these clubs before moving on to ask to spend time with them individually? It could be an issue of moving too fast and not having enough time to get to know you while in the clubs to a point they'd make time for you on their own. If you want to take the next step and forge a friendship, you have to appropriately gauge whether the person finds you interesting enough, and maybe you aren't giving them enough time for them to develop an impression of you.


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