Do you get 100% results when you pretend?

Post Reply New Topic

My whole life is a lie

More like 25-50% results, declining to 0 when I have to spend more than a couple hours doing it. I'll be chatting with someone and thinking that I'm being polite, appropriate, and normal, and suddenly I will realize that somewhere along the line I've said something horribly wrong and the other person is looking at me angrily or with total contempt. I'll go over the conversation in my mind and be completely unable to figure out what I did. At that point I just stop pretending and act like the lunatic I am, saying something overly dramatic or ending the conversation abruptly because I know from experience there's no way to recover anymore, even if I wasn't now too flustered to pull it off.

Not pretending is not an option around anyone but close family, though, because it either means no interaction at all or a rambling monologue delivered while looking the other direction. Short of being a hermit in a cave, I have no choice but to attempt to pretend knowing I'm more likely to fail than to succeed.

So well described! This is exactly the level I'm at. I was precisely thinking today that, for people at my level, pretending doesn't make much of a difference, except create an NT-shocking (or angering) gap between the neat persona and the sudden (inevitable) social blunder.

There was one instance a few months ago where I noticed my blunder as soon as it came out of my mouth - I equated stray-cat haters who physically attack us feeders to the nazis, who would imprison in concentration camps those gentiles who sneaked a bite to eat to Jews in ghettos. Needless to say, he stopped talking to me that very instant - forever. Even though he's not a cat-hater, you don't make such a comparison between a Jewish nation (where you both happen to live) and nazism without being totally ostracized, of course. I wouldn't have cared one bit at this stage of my life where I'm anyway totally ostracized as is, but he's a higher-up at my work, so I fretted for days. I've fortunately forgiven myself and if it adds to my being fired, well, I can't help being autistic.

Last edited by Moondust on 04 Aug 2012, 12:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My cats are looking at me worried I'm laughing so much.