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invisiblesilent
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09 Aug 2012, 6:04 pm

I like hugs from certain people but ONLY from those people. I'm actually very tactile with the right person but overall people need to not touch me as much as possible and I will react badly (quickly buried flash of anger) if I am touched randomly without warning.



phyrehawke
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09 Aug 2012, 6:13 pm

I don't like hugger-muggers either. Good name for them! I know lots of NT's who find them rude as well.
I've gotten rather intolerant of hug-stealers, as I call them. I had a bad episode with one in May, in public. She moved in on my blind side for the hug and when I turned into it, it startled me. I stepped back and drew a strong boundary about 3 different ways. She accused me of being rude and I proceeded to tell her what was rude about what she'd just done. She won't be doing that again, and she'll be avoiding me, and I'm fine with that. Happy maybe even since I found out more about her.

I do have an aversion to being touched without permission, especially by strangers. My friends know I "allow" hugs and they ask, and occassionally I "gift" people with them, and every once in a blue moon I actually need one, and when I do they need to be "just right tight" and for a long time. When I read of Temple Grandin's "squeeze machine" or "hug machine" I understood the principle immediately. I have a custom corset that kind of does the same thing for severe anxiety. It works better than the meds ever did, and more quickly, but I have no clue how that pressure=less anxiety thing works. I just know it works in dogs too. So it's not "all in our heads".
There is no "weighted blanket" at my house but I have heavy quilts that I think I must use in a similar way, which are made of raw linen, cotton batting, and cotton cording.
What lends the weight to the commercial weighted blankets? How heavy are they?



Mirror21
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09 Aug 2012, 6:17 pm

phyrehawke wrote:
I do have an aversion to being touched without permission


Yeah thats about the root of it.



Jediyoda
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09 Aug 2012, 7:43 pm

I too do not like being hugged and I do not like people touching me or getting to close to me. I become very aggressive and hit people if they get to close or try and touch me. I can though after awhile and when I get to know the person really well I can tolerate that person touching me or hugging me only if they tell me first that they are going to hug me or touch me so I dont get so aggressive. I too love having a heavy blanket around me and I rather hug my blanket which my Mum says is my comfort blanket whenever I cant handle things going on around me or when I have anxiety attacks. I have always had a blanket that I took around with me and that I hugged when everything got too much it was a blue doggy blanket.



KnarlyDUDE09
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09 Aug 2012, 8:44 pm

I too am not bothered by someone I'm familiar with hugging me, but as long as it's expected; if it isn't expected then I tense up an my maladjusted body will position itself so badly that I'll get 'squished/suffocated' the person hugging me. Though in general, most hugs I give or receive are made 'awkward' and many people have commented on this...I always end up doing something unusual, unintentionally like get the other person's hair in my mouth or have my palm/arm near their chest or buttocks area. :oops:


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Jasmine90
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09 Aug 2012, 9:24 pm

I hate hugs, for some reason they just physically hurt. Especially if our skin touches.



CockneyRebel
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09 Aug 2012, 9:44 pm

I love to give hugs and receive them. :O)


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loner1984
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09 Aug 2012, 10:16 pm

Don't like it. For me it doesn't feel natural. It feels very weird.



Ganondox
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09 Aug 2012, 11:56 pm

Kurgan wrote:
I like hugs if I'm prepared for it. If I'm not prepared for it, I don't like being touched at all.


This. It took me a while to get used to them abd figure out how to respond, but now I love non-surprise hugs.


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JitakuKeibiinB
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10 Aug 2012, 1:42 am

I hate being hugged by anyone under any circumstances. I can't recall ever being hugged by anyone besides family, so I don't know how I'd react to that. When a family member does it I stiffen up, it's really uncomfortable, and I don't reciprocate.

Edit: Actually, I just remembered there was a kid in first grade who liked hugging me for some reason. I ran away from him after the first time. :D



KnarlyDUDE09
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10 Aug 2012, 4:26 am

loner1984 wrote:
Don't like it. For me it doesn't feel natural. It feels very weird.
Definitely! :)


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ToughDiamond
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10 Aug 2012, 4:59 am

Mindsigh wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
I really like hugs as long as it's all mutual consent. Only problems are worries about getting it wrong somehow. Wouldn't want to reach and then find they didn't want that.

I've also got some reservations about hugging........if I hug men as well as women, fine, we're just an affectionate community. If I hug only women, doesn't that mean there's something sexual going on? If so, does monogamy have anything to say about who I can hug and who I can't? It seems to be mostly mainstream society (though less so on the continent) that doesn't allow men to hug each other.

^^
This is why I don't initiate hugs very much except among immediate family. I don't like being ambushed by a hugger-mugger (my name for those touchy-feely people who just won't keep their hands to themselves).

Smash and grab, yes I've suffered that in my time. There does seem to be a subset of NT women who do that. Don't wish to be sexist but I never saw a bloke being so presumptuous, not in company anyway.

It's so simple that even I can get it right. When you want a hug, you stand a few feet away and start raising your arms slightly, and watch for the response. You can soon tell if they don't like the idea - they won't raise their arms in reciprocation, they won't look pleased. So you lower your arms and say something about the weather / economy / Olympics to detract from the embarrassment, and nobody but the most acute observer need ever know that you were rejected. It works. So why can't everybody use that method? Why do some people just not get that they need to seek permission? I've been almost knocked over by people who imposed sudden hugs on me. Is it a power game or have they just got no couth?



Sanctus
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10 Aug 2012, 5:08 am

I would never be the one to initiate a hug.

I dislike being hugged by relatives, such as my mom or grandmother, especially when it's the I'm-gonna-break-your-spine-kind of hug.

I don't mind being hugged by friends (of the same gender) though. Other gender is a little uncomfortable.

I prefer light touches to hugs though. A female friend used to put a hand on my arm or back from time to time, and I really liked that. I guess the person has to be at least kind of attractive (to me) though.



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10 Aug 2012, 5:22 am

I like being hugged, but only by people I know and like. If anyone else hugs me I feel a bit awkward. Oh, and I HATE being patted! I feel like a dog when somebody pats me.