Mindsigh wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
I really like hugs as long as it's all mutual consent. Only problems are worries about getting it wrong somehow. Wouldn't want to reach and then find they didn't want that.
I've also got some reservations about hugging........if I hug men as well as women, fine, we're just an affectionate community. If I hug only women, doesn't that mean there's something sexual going on? If so, does monogamy have anything to say about who I can hug and who I can't? It seems to be mostly mainstream society (though less so on the continent) that doesn't allow men to hug each other.
^^
This is why I don't initiate hugs very much except among immediate family. I don't like being ambushed by a hugger-mugger (my name for those touchy-feely people who just won't keep their hands to themselves).
Smash and grab, yes I've suffered that in my time. There does seem to be a subset of NT women who do that. Don't wish to be sexist but I never saw a bloke being so presumptuous, not in company anyway.
It's so simple that even I can get it right. When you want a hug, you stand a few feet away and start raising your arms slightly, and watch for the response. You can soon tell if they don't like the idea - they won't raise their arms in reciprocation, they won't look pleased. So you lower your arms and say something about the weather / economy / Olympics to detract from the embarrassment, and nobody but the most acute observer need ever know that you were rejected. It works. So why can't everybody use that method? Why do some people just not get that they need to seek permission? I've been almost knocked over by people who imposed sudden hugs on me. Is it a power game or have they just got no couth?