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How to "show interest in the person"?

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Vomelche
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14 Aug 2012, 3:34 pm

TowerCrane wrote:
But even people with whom I had talked to very often said that they feel as if I don't show any interest in them, and that I only talk about a few topics. How are supposed to show interest, other than talking to the person?


It could be that your really are not that interested in them at that particular time that you are talking to them. You maybe forcing the conversation instead of wanting it naturally, as we typically avoid social interaction. If you really want to maintain the friendship you have to actually put a lot of time and effort into it to get to know the person and spend time with them.

Sometimes you have to resort to playing along, and invisiblesilent had some good advice on this.



lostgirl1986
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14 Aug 2012, 4:05 pm

I usually try to look into their eyes and widen my eyes when they say something important and nod and say things like, wow or oh my god to show them that I'm interested, even if I'm not.



InThisTogether
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14 Aug 2012, 6:45 pm

One way to show interest that I think will be easy for many aspies is to remember details about the person. These details can be about their likes and dislikes, major events in their lives, or other personal things. Then you can remark on them at a later time. This is something I am horrible with, but it would be helpful if I was better. I have to actually take notes to remember what to ask people the next time I see them, so that only works if I have my notes and can prepare ahead of time. A good example was when I asked someone "Whatever happened with that friend you had who was diagnosed with AS?" It had been some time ago that she asked me for advice and she was clearly surprised that I still remembered. Remembering "the little things" helps people feel that you are interested in them.

I guess one would have to be careful not to appear stalkerish, though. Like I wouldn't say "Remember on June 7th when you told me your friend had Aspergers?"


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Doubutsu
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14 Aug 2012, 8:28 pm

Make them talk about themselves, ask questions like if you care. When they ask you something don't tell them all, if they are interested (or trying to show interest) they will ask for more details, if not, they will change the topic of conversation. People aren't so illogical as I thought.

InThisTogether wrote:
One way to show interest that I think will be easy for many aspies is to remember details about the person. These details can be about their likes and dislikes, major events in their lives, or other personal things. Then you can remark on them at a later time. This is something I am horrible with, but it would be helpful if I was better. I have to actually take notes to remember what to ask people the next time I see them, so that only works if I have my notes and can prepare ahead of time. A good example was when I asked someone "Whatever happened with that friend you had who was diagnosed with AS?" It had been some time ago that she asked me for advice and she was clearly surprised that I still remembered. Remembering "the little things" helps people feel that you are interested in them.

I guess one would have to be careful not to appear stalkerish, though. Like I wouldn't say "Remember on June 7th when you told me your friend had Aspergers?"


That's a good advice, I will try it too.



Vomelche
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14 Aug 2012, 8:43 pm

people also like when you remember their name, and use it to greet them



TowerCrane
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14 Aug 2012, 9:27 pm

Moondust wrote:
The only way to show interest in the person is to ask questions and listen to the answers, then ask another question based on the answer. Don't overdo it or it'll be weird.

"Hi, how are you?"
"Fine and you?"
"Great. Lovely blouse! New?"
"Yeah, I was at the X's sales last night."
"Oh, you're lucky, I meant to go but I was tied up. Was it very crowded?"
"Yes, lots of waiting in line, and I was so tired."
"But I see it was worth it, that blouse really suits you, the color and the style."
"Gee, thanks, I wasn't sure about it at first..."
"Why not?"

Sometimes just a little observation will make someone feel you care.

My male colleague today: "Hi"
Me: "Hi, why did you get a haircut?" (we have very strict harrassment rules at work, so I can't say "nice haircut").



This. I can't have this kind of conversation at all. Most people seem to dedicate most of their time talking to exactly this type of conversation, from what it seems. When I talk to someone, I usually talk about some specified topics. I was told that I only talk about these topics, and don't "show interest" in the person I'm talking to.


How is this kind of conversation called? Small talk? Or is it even more broad than that.