Confused by the way other people think...

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I am running out of things I can say or talk about with people so I spend a lot of time alone even though I do like to chat or enjoy company sometimes.

It's just that:

I don't like small talk

I am not interested in what happened when they went clubbing last friday etc (I try to be interested as I am supposed to be but I am not so I zone out when they are talking). I am more interested in whatever my brain is musing unfortunately so I come across as a self absorbed twit to most people and annoy them.

I care about their general welfare and will always stop and help if help is required and I do not like to see people upset or in pain as it upsets me too, but I am not interested in the fine mundane details of their life unless they are an intimate partner/mate (in which case I seem to be interested in everything about them lol).

I cannot find people who can tolerate my quirks...I need my quirks and routines I get very upset without them or when people try to change them. This is not about a fear that something bad will happen without them it is more that my world feels all wrong and chaotic (I hate chaos but only in certain ways). It is not my world without them, its someone else's world which I don't quite understand and find confusing. Also I enjoy them and look forward to them, I would not have them if I did not and when people try to change them I feel as though they are taking away something that makes me feel happy.

I have an odd way of thinking that no one seems to understand and I cannot communicate well with people due to the different meanings that people attach to the words I use. For example, I am not afraid of failure and, whilst I may feel disappointment if I do not succeed at something I wanted to achieve, I do not experience all the other negative feelings that other people seem to experience as a result (ie they seem to go into a panic over it and beat themselves up relentlessly whereas I prefer to look at what went wrong and see if I can correct it by trying again until I do succeed or whether I just need to move on to something different and try that instead). However, when talking to them about failure they seem to assume I feel the same as they as they would when I do not, so they then make assumptions about me and start trying to comfort me or accuse me of being negative.

In a similar way I can talk openly about bad experiences in my past without becoming overly emotional over them as they are now just memories in my head. Although I remember how I felt at the time I do not re-experience the original feelings when I think about the event. I experience how I feel about it now, not what I felt then so I do not relive it as such. Yet people assume I must be feeling very upset and try to comfort me...or think I am looking for sympathy when I was really passing along information in matter of fact way. This is very annoying.

Also, at the present time I am having issues with my sleep and chronic migraine type headaches and when I talk about this people think I want sympathy and comfort. This is not what I need. I appreciate they are trying to be sweet but it really does not help me!! !! ! What I want is a solution not a cyber/real time hug as this does not change anything. Not that I don't like hugs in general, I do..but usually only from a close romantic intimate partner (I LOVE cuddling up to a lover) or very close family member. Please don't be hugging me if I don't know you well or I am not prepared to hug you (I don't like surprise hugs from strangers it makes me feel uncomfortable...boundaries!).

People think I am obsessed with my hobbies...I think I am passionate about my hobbies.

People dislike my collections relating to my hobbies as they think I collect too much and waste my money (ie I don't just have a few cross stitching kits and charts I have over 50 (probably closer to a hundred) waiting to be done not to mention 3 years worth of cross stitching magazines I collected and wont throw away as well as all my stitching supplies which I am still collecting. I also like parapsychology and collect books about that as well as movies of all kinds, stuff about fairies and sequin art kits as well. I used to be the same with jigsaw puzzles and still have most of my collection (someone made me leave some behind when I moved as there was not room for them and I still grieve for those puzzles now) but I don't do many puzzles at the moment so they are presently collecting dust in the cupboard. I may go back to them, however, as I used to spend all day doing nothing but puzzles at one point...The problem is I have to get chores done before my hobbies because if I start on my hobbies first nothing else will get done that day! This drives people mad).

I cannot predict peoples reactions well and am constantly surprised by them.

I try to do the right thing but it always ends up being the wrong thing instead.

I keep talking about the same things all the time and it drives people away. I try to remember not to, but get excited or carried away and forget so I have to constantly remind myself not to do it.

I have to constantly remind myself to smile at people (it is not natural for me to smile at strangers...the only time I really smile is if I am happy, find something funny or I am excited. So I will smile at people I am excited to see but I am not really all that excited to see someone I hardly know to be honest! Most times I am smiling at my own excitement rather than the person anyway lol).

Eye contact is another..I spend so much time focusing on making that and getting right that I miss half the conversation anyway. I also cannot hear what people are saying to me over background noise if the environment is noisy so come across as half deaf or stupid because I have to constantly say 'what did you say' or 'pardon'.

When socialising it takes me so long to think up my reply to something someone says (when I can hear them) that I often miss the moment anyway.

I can also miss the moment when people speak to me as I am trying to figure why the person is initiating conversation. If they want directions it is obvious...they ask for directions but sometimes I am not sure if they are trying to make polite chit chat, make friends or if male, flirting with me etc. By the time I have figured out that they were trying to accomplish the event is long over lol.

I am happy to talk about anything with people, even subjects that are considered taboo...most people cannot cope with this.

I also give out too much detail, prefer complete honesty and like to be very open about things....most people cannot cope with this either (it seems to freak them out).

My relationships are always a disaster as well, partners think I am weird and even my own parents once asked me if 'I could be more normal please'. That was when I was 12...normal has never happened to me, sorry.

And so on.....

And my therapist thinks my social anxiety (which is my diagnosis) is about embarrassment? Not really no! This is why meds and therapy fail....none of them address the problem.

I give up!! !! ! I am becoming a recluse!! !! ! (I am not completely joking...I am thinking about hiding away with my hobby collections and avoiding society like the damned plague, I just wish I was not so lonely for a life partner to cuddle up to and love...I can cope without having friends as such though and I can most certainly cope without acquaintances). Also I have no one to stitch pretty things for (I do love to stitch things for people) and no one to come riding on rollercoasters with me (I love the feeling of movement although I have to grit my teeth when it comes to the crowds..on saying that if I focus on the rides and not the people and noise I am fine at theme parks oddly, even though I hate crowded city centers..especially without headphones/music to drown out the hustle bustle. I NEVER leave the house without my MP3 player!! !!).

I am a really strange person who has just been written off by society as crazy and it kind of hurts. Even though I can achieve straight A grades academically I never seem to be able to get things right socially and my academic skill and other abilities are ignored because of my lack of social success. I am constantly spoken to like I am an in idiot by people and this annoys me.

I cannot change either as I have tried and it feels more like they are trying to change my hard wiring rather than some mood disorder anyway. I cannot be what I am not...I have tried and tried and tried and either I never get it right or, on the rare moments that I do get it right, I cannot maintain the appearance of normal for long enough for it to help me (it tires me out and I become exhausted and start melting down as my stress levels hit the roof and won't come down again until I am back alone in my own world doing my own thing where I can be myself again).

I have had so many meltdowns since therapists etc started trying to change me it is unbelievable. So now I am avoiding therapists like the plague as well. They expect the impossible from me. They are trying to normalise me and I am miserable because I just want to be able to be myself. I don't dislike myself that much to be honest, I am alright with who I am, I just think society is unfair in its judgements as it seems to expect everyone to fit into some narrow little box that it defines for them

I don't fit into that box and I never will. I do not understand why they have to 'normalise' me either. I may be weird but I am quite harmless. Yes ok, I get loud in a meltdown because I yell a lot but it is all just noise because I am upset and frustrated and I cannot get anyone to understand me. I just want someone to understand me and accept me for who I am without trying to change me into what they think I should be.

Sociallising is so hard and exhausting and breathing exercises do not help.

And yes I know I sound depressed, and today I am, partly because I don't feel well with my headaches etc again and partly because my social life is a disaster no matter what I do and all treatments for my social anxiety diagnosis have failed to achieve any results or make any difference. I am still horribly frustrated by the whole social thing, I am constantly misjudged by people, accused of having intentions I don't have, written off as crazy or defective or generally just ostracised. This treatment can upset me and I have a meltdown.

And before anyone panics (god don't people panic when you say you are depressed) and insist I ring the emergency support lines (which by the way I hate as it is all hugs, and awwws and sympathy, but not many workable practical solutions which I read as patronising especially as they speak to you like you are an imbecile or a child) because they think I am going to off myself, I will be fine, I am not suicidal in the least, I just feel really sad and hurt and frustrated right now is all.

For me, humor is hardest. I just don't understand why some things are funny... Also, I tend to make factual comments that anger or upset people (mostly my little sister) for no apparent reason.

Not only do I find other people confusing, but I tend to leave a wake of puzzled people behind me. And that's not what I want for any of us.
I've realized now that although I studied Theory of Mind, my therapist was totally new at it. We ran into problems she had no solutions for, but that was nearly 20 yrs ago. I got frustrated with how it was working and quit and I know now that was because something significant was probably missing (maybe a bunch of stuff?), and I need some help with that but I don't know where to start.
Does anybody have recommendations?

I was allowed to ask questions as a child/teen. I didn't/don't do it most of the time because it doesn't occur to me to ask questions. I tend to ask simple questions, not complex ones...except maybe to somebody with a background in one of my interests.

I don't like generalized questions. I like them to be specific. I didn't realize just how bad I was about not clarifying until watching the patterns on the board and when people clarify the generalized questions it actually startles me a little bit because it so totally had not occurred to me to do that, and it's such an obvious thing to do. The bandwagon of quizzing in the members forum was a good lesson for me, while I could handle it. I found I was having an extremely difficult time figuring out the phrasing for clarifying questions in text if I had wanted to try asking one... even without all the added extra stuff one must add for conversation, plus timing so it's not out of context.