Reasons why you don't like eye contact

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comatt1
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24 Aug 2012, 3:45 pm

If I look at someones eyes I get stuck trying to determine the color of them, whether there are any flecks of color, if the eyes are yellowish or have broken vessels.

If I don't focus on the eyes I can actually listen and not just hear the noise.



deltafunction
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24 Aug 2012, 4:11 pm

It's too confusing. I don't know when I am supposed to look at the person, for how long, how long to look away, how to communicate that I am listening and not appear lost, communicate interest, "smile with my eyes", etc. Too many rules!



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24 Aug 2012, 4:46 pm

To be honest, I find that the immediate surroundings are of more interest to me than the person's eyes. As I cannot use eye contact as informational input very efficiently, I subconsciously see little need to do it.
I tend to make decent eye-contact when listening to somebody, but I tend to look away when I reply.



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24 Aug 2012, 5:08 pm

I really hate when you look into someones eyes and they look back into yours. I never really do more than just glance at someones face every once and a while.



Jasmine90
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24 Aug 2012, 5:15 pm

I get uncomfortable with eye contact, like many other people here, I also cannot talk to someone if I'm looking directly at them, it confuses me and I lose track of what we're talking about.
If I want to be able to concentrate on our conversation, I'll have to be looking at the ground or at something inanimate that isn't sending me emotional signals that I have to decipher and understand.



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24 Aug 2012, 5:54 pm

Sanctus wrote:
The ones of you who don't like to make eye contact, try to put your reasons into words.

I personally don't like it because:

- First of all, it's just not a thing that comes naturally. I never had the urge to look into anyone's eyes, it's just not a thing that I do.

- Eye contact is so "exhausting" that it makes me forget everything else, and I can't follow or memorize conversations properly anymore.

- It feels a bit like "soul rape". Like someone is staring directly into my brain. Very unnatural and unpleasant.
I have nothing more to add; you said what I would say. :)


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24 Aug 2012, 6:08 pm

Sanctus wrote:
The ones of you who don't like to make eye contact, try to put your reasons into words.

I personally don't like it because:

- First of all, it's just not a thing that comes naturally. I never had the urge to look into anyone's eyes, it's just not a thing that I do.

- Eye contact is so "exhausting" that it makes me forget everything else, and I can't follow or memorize conversations properly anymore.

- It feels a bit like "soul rape". Like someone is staring directly into my brain. Very unnatural and unpleasant.



Because like you say, it's like someone looking into your brain - and you looking into theirs. It's too much. I don't want to see their soul and I don't want them to see mine, it's like a depth that is unwelcome. It makes me feel really uncomfortable, and if I have to talk it's almost impossible to think about what I need to say because the sensation is too distracting. It's worse the more someone is unknown to you. It's never entirely comfortable though even when you know the person well. That's about as near as I can explain it.


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24 Aug 2012, 6:47 pm

It is simply uncomfortable. If I am forced to make eye-contact, my body becomes tense, my skin tingles, my jawline becomes somewhat numb and a million questions whiz about through my mind... What do I do now? When do I look away? Is it going to get me into trouble if I avert my eyes? Am I in trouble? Why are they looking in my eyes? Do they think I'm lying and they are trying to "see" the truth? Are they trying to see if I'm not normal? Can they tell I am not normal? How can I get out of the room/area? When will they stop? Do I have to say something? Can I just look down at the ground? What about the wall? Can they tell what I'm thinking?



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24 Aug 2012, 7:38 pm

I don't have that much trouble making eye contact, but I gotta say, people seem to have a way of making their "eye expressions" look dang scary for no reason. 8O


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yellowtamarin
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24 Aug 2012, 8:43 pm

Mostly just because of your second reason:

Sanctus wrote:
Eye contact is so "exhausting" that it makes me forget everything else, and I can't follow or memorize conversations properly anymore.


I am a hopeless multitasker, and for me, making eye contact plus conversing is multitasking.



Aprilviolets
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24 Aug 2012, 9:08 pm

I find it uncomfortable and I've never been able to do it.



birchbark
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24 Aug 2012, 9:44 pm

Sanctus wrote:
- It feels a bit like "soul rape". Like someone is staring directly into my brain. Very unnatural and unpleasant.


This. It's like I'm totally exposed when I my eyes make contact with someone else's.



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24 Aug 2012, 9:47 pm

When I was a kid, looking directly into a person's eyes, especially someone I didn't know, was like staring directly at the sun. Fortunately, that problem ended in my late teens.


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24 Aug 2012, 9:55 pm

It just freaks me out. Can't think straight if forced to do that.



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24 Aug 2012, 10:03 pm

It's intrusive and invasive, like a stranger venturing into an intimate place where they don't belong.

It also shuts down my ability to think. I used to think that that was just due to anxiety, but I'm on a new med that reduces my anxiety a lot and find that eye contact still locks up my ability to think.



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24 Aug 2012, 10:12 pm

Everybody seems to feel exactly the same as I do. The practice pf direct eye contact just makes me profoundly uncomfortable. It's too intimate -- like they can see into my soul and real my innermost thoughts. I try to make myself do it sometimes, but I feel anxiety in the pit of my stomach and have to look away. And again, like everyone else -- when I look directly into someone's eyes, I completely forget where I am in my conversation. I start stammering and forgetting words. If I only glance from time to time I can get through it a lot easier. If It's someone I'm very close to -- a family member or a partner -- it's much easier. If it's a man to whom I'm attracted but haven't revealed my feelings to, the anxiety increases about fitfy fold. It's boggles my mind to think that there are people who actually don't mind doing it.