I can't stand people anymore.

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Tell your roommate you are not feeling well. If they continue to sit there and watch TV, ask if you could go lie down in her room for awhile. A lot of young people don't seem to need much sleep. When I was in my late teens/early 20's I certainly didn't need much. So it may not occur to them that they are keeping you up too late. I know it seems obvious to you, but it may not be for them.

Is there anyway you can stay in a hotel the night of the party? Seriously. I don't even know what to tell you about that. Having lived in houses where parties were thrown, it simply won't work for someone who needs to be alone. The only way I made it through any of that was with an unhealthy amount of alcohol running through my veins. Not anything I would recommend to anyone now that I am in my 40's and looking back.

Regarding if it is "normal" to dislike your friend at this moment in time...yes, it is. Just don't let it consume you. See it for what it is: a temporary clash in personalities. Look forward to the day you can move, and once you are out, you will be able to return to thinking of her without feeling like letting loose a primal scream.

Obviously you can't trust or depend on your "friends" who really do not seem to care at all about you or what you need. I'm sure if you were to explain this to real friends, they would give you the time you would need to be alone and allow you to sleep. It honestly shouldn't matter if it's not your place, you are a guest and these "friends" don't even have the decency to respect guests, so you need to tell them this, get angry if you need to, because you have a right to be angry. You have the right to be frustrated. If they are not going to respect you, then why call them friends?

I really wish I knew of some helpful advice to give, I mean if locking yourself away or going for walks isn't good enough, then I don't know of anything better to do. All I can think of is quit being nice to them, get hostile, let them know how upset you are. IF they won't respect you, then you shouldn't respect them either.

Last edited by Alfonso12345 on 30 Aug 2012, 11:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If this was me I would go almost anywhere else to escape. University has a library? Stay there as long as possible, or the cafeteria/cafe. For sleep is absolutely necessary or I completely break down. On party night get the h--- out of there even if it means getting a hotel room. Other nights, put earplugs in and go to sleep in someone else's room even on the floor if necessary.
- And you'll probably need earplugs in the dorm room anyway. I omly lasted there one semester, then broke the contract and found a tiny room which a retired couple rented to me inexpensively. Good Luck. Take care of yourself.

Still on my phone. The internet on my laptop's not working at the moment. So I can't quote anyone right now.

Anyway, I'm quite scared of conflicts and I do worry people will judge me if I raise my voice (I suspect my problems with social interaction are a mixture of social anxiety and just not being good at being social). I've never had a meltdown in front of other people. Not even my parents. I always have them when alone in my room. For some reason I don't like showing emotion. Sometimes I even can't (I find it very difficult to express feelings of joy and thankfulness etc). So I "bottle everything up" until I can't take it anymore.

I just woke up. I wake up still being tired these days. I always wake up with anxiety. Right now I'm anxious about what tonight will be like and what the party will be like tomorrow. There's no way I can afford staying at a hotel so I'll have to stay here. I hope I can find something to do though because I really really don't want to participate in the party.

Also, can I ask you something about AS? Like I mentioned earlier I'm not sure I've got it or if I'm "just" very introverted and socially anxious. At Uni I've managed to talk to some people. It's quite alright when in a lecture or something since you don't have to talk that much. I can also talk to certain people outside class. People I either met the first day or people who are interested in some of the same things as me (met a guy yesterday who's really into Physics and Rubik's Cubes for example). So, I can talk to them but sometimes I either intentionally or unintentionally put on some sort of "social mask" which makes me able to talk to them but I sort of feel it's not really me. Do you understand what I mean? My questions are: is this "normal" for people with AS? Is it "normal" for all people (NTs as well I mean)?

Also, someone asked why I keep calling them "friends". I don't know if that was a rhetorical question but the answer is I don't really know how a friendship is defined. I got to know the person I'm staying at about 3 years ago and back then she was really nice to me. She's still nice for letting me stay here. Things that annoy me about her is that she belittles my problems (she knows about some of them) and she keeps telling me to basically snap out of it and "just take control and stop being so anxious, it's not a big problem". She also pretty much never contacts me. If we're to meet up I'm the one who has to take contact (which hardly ever happens). Would you say that's a friend? What is a friend?

Are you going to have a roommate in your room at your university? I hope not.

For an autistic person, it's purrrfurrrtly normal to not be able to stand people around them. I also realized at some point that I can't stand people anymore and scurried away from them as fast as I could. This need to scurry, I still feel all the time around people.

No, I won't have a roommate. I'll have my own room and my own bathroom but I'll have to share the kitchen with 11 other students.

And what if I'm not autistic? Would it then still be normal to feel like this?

Thats why I'm saying get involved in a club or interest group. Your students union is bound to have something that interests you, and in it you are bound to meet people that you will gel with. As for the cost of moving private the whole point of moving in with friends is to bring the rent-per-person down to an affordable level.

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you well.

I do that, and I do not have both feet on the spectrum. I would not consider myself NT either. But yes, it is totally "normal" for me.

Introverted people need time to themselves. Being around people drains their energy. I have known many introverted people who were not autistic who needed significant amounts of downtime. I do not know that any of them ever had a meltdown if they didn't get it, though.

I think it is very stressful for someone that has AS to think that he/she actually may have social anxiety or that he/she may be introverted. It's "stress upon stress". Does not help anyone. You can figure out yourself what will work for you. The AS way (which is a very special way, it is different from how other people function, talk, what they enjoy the most etc, so it may be a good indication and it is easy to single out as something other than anything else) or the Social Anxiety/Mental Issues way, which I guess you are familiar with. Introversion shouldn't cause big, serious problems, like what this can be, on its own.

Well, what counts as a meltdown? Nothing really happened yesterday except I refused to talk and I kept squeezing/pressing (or whatever it's called) my head with my hands. Those were the only things people could see. Then loads of things happened on the inside (all the things I wrote about). I guess that wasn't a meltdown.



That might be true. But I don't even know if I've got AS.

Well, in my opinion, a meltdown involves complete or nearly complete loss of control, so no, I would not consider what you describe as a meltdown. I would describe it as your way of coping with the situation. When my kids have had meltdowns, they are unable to respond to direction and appear to have little to no control over what they are doing/saying. They are all consumed with it. "A bundle of firing neurons" is how their neurologist describes it.

Time to find out? >_<

I do have proper meltdowns though. I have minor meltdowns when people suddenly change my plans, when things aren't working (internet, phone etc) and things like that. Then I sort of swear, hit things and get really angry. I have major meltdowns as well. They're not that common though. Last time I had one was in the end of May. It was because of emotional overload. I paced, rocked back and forth, cried, hit my head, hyperventilated, threw things and punched the hard part of the sofa until I had bruises on my knuckles. Completely lost control. At least I think those are meltdowns. Might be anxiety attacks. I don't know. Do NTs have meltdowns?



Of course. I get to see a psychologist about my anxiety and things like that within 3 months. If I'll get assessed for AS I'll get assessed within 2 years (queues are massive).

The best way to define a friend is a person who is always willing to help you when you need it, without expecting anything in return, even if that includes giving you rides to places or letting you stay in their homes. But, a friend not only does these things, but also respects you and accepts you for who you are and when you say you have problems with something, they acknowledge and accept those and should try and help you to deal with them or give you advice on how to deal with them, when those problems are causing you troubles, especially when it is your friend that is in direct conflict with those problems.

It may very well be that I somewhat over reacted to what I was reading and I got this sudden idea in my mind of "Oh, she must be a horrible person, just ignoring rebbieh, not caring at all about her needs." She might very well be trying to be a friend, but maybe because she doesn't truly understand why you have the troubles you do have, she thinks that it's no big deal, but if it turned out you actually do have Asperger's, because it sounds very likely that you do, she would have a very different attitude if she also knew about it too.