When others "know" about your AS before you know

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I haven't been told that they knew I was AS specifically, but people who don't know about it point out symptoms that I didn't even know I had. Like walking on my toes.

I happen to mention to someone that my mother said I walked on my toes as a child, and she said "You still do!" That was just a day or so after my mother's boyfriend made the same comment about my toe walking. I wasn't even aware that I was doing it. I always thought I had an odd walk, but couldn't peg why. Turns out other people have noticed it too.

My family has pointed out characters on TV that remind them of me, and they are always quirky people who I would now suspect had some Aspergian traits -- specifically Cliff Claven on Cheers. And when I told Mom what I expected, she had no trouble getting it. She said "I always thought there was something wrong with you!"

I had been exploring the idea of autism in my exes for years when the last one finally said to me: "Hell, girl, if I'm autistic, you surely are too, and a lot more than me... Look at this, and this and that". I was gobsmacked and started researching then...

After researching and researching...and researching about AS, I told my wife I think that I might actually have Asperger's Syndrome. Without skipping a beat she just told me "Well, yes, you probably do." as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

Years ago I had talked to my mum about my early childhood difficulties and we agreed there were a few autism-like things in there. I took that to mean I had behaviours with autism-like characteristics....certainly not that I was actually on the spectrum somewhere. I think she might have suspected but never wanted me limited by a label. I get that but the limitations are there regardless - it's just a case of knowing why. It was not until I started to piece together childhood behaviours with adult behaviours that I was able to see the big picture for the first time.

Would you want someone to bring it up? What is a kind way to do that? I have had a clinical diagnosis for my son who is 13 for the past 2 years. I have not told him. I had planned to never tell him (although I am considering it a bit more now) because I knew there was nothing "wrong" with him. I don't think just because you process differently or are quirky it is "wrong" it is just different. He is aware of his traits and we work together to work out those that make him stand out negativly but I have tried to teach him to be comfortable with the person he is. I have recently determined my boyfriend is AS also and it is so obvious I don't second guess myself at all. I suspect that he knows. He is at least very aware of his traits and has told me how I need to communicate with him etc... but even after I figured it out I didn't say anything. I just modified my behavior to compliment his so things are happy and easy for us both. I ask questions when I am unclear of his feelings and I am sure to communicate mine clearly and it works just fine. Why have I not said anything to him? Well, if he doesn't think he has it and I say I think he does he might feel that I think there is something "wrong" with him and that would not be a positive feeling. If he does know, which I believe to be the case, he would have told me if he wanted to. I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. It doesn't matter to me if his processing has a name or not between us. I have come here to learn more about how that process works and get some clarification so I can compliment the person he is not work against him. I mean he accepts my processing and the fact that I am an emotional thinker and tries to complement my style too. I just don't want to do anything to add more negativity or stress to his life.

Oh and I have been in love with Sheldon from the first episode.. I told my bf that once and he asked me if I really found him that attractive? I said I didn't find him to be attractive it was his personality that I was drawn too. Kinda Ironic lol

Well...I don't really tell many people. I do however often suspect that would happen if I did talk about being an aspie more. I've never told my older brother, but I suspect it might not surprise him. He's a social worker and has worked with numerous children. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he was familiar with Asperger's and suspected me of having it.

One time a lady that works in the same store as I do and has heard of the condition (I know from hearing her conversations with others in the lunch room), has implied that she thinks I have it. That admittedly annoyed me a lil. I didn't tell her, obviously.

LoriB, I think you should, since he has a dx and he's a teenager now. Knowing about it might help him to understand himself better.

But in regards to others "knowing", my dad has always liked yelling at me that he thinks I'm autistic when I don't look him in the eye or I stim or I duck away when people are going to tap me, or when I do anything unusual that he doesn't like. Because of the way he said it for the longest time, I fervently believed I did NOT have it, and was ashamed to think that I might and angry when people mentioned that I have aspie traits. I thought it was an insult, obviously I know better now. Most of the rest of my family never noticed anything; probably because I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 9 and they never thought there was anything else. But when I told my sister that my psychiatrist thinks I have asperger's, she wasn't surprised at all and she said it explained a lot.

I didn't mean to hijack the post but I am so grateful for the input and advice. Since coming here I have started to consider telling him. He goes to A school for kids with high IQ's but don't learn the way mainstream schools teach. They don't title "conditions" they teach acceptance and focus on how to get along in society and they prepare him to be successful in college. For the first time when a teacher who has brought some of his traits to my attention and I explained he is an actor and becomes characters to fit in I was met with smiles and nods of understanding along with. That is what we thought but just needed to check in with you. When he and his best buddy (first time he has had friends to hang out with) had a falling out and his girlfriend broke up with him the teachers jumped on it and offered him the chance to talk to the school counselor. By the end of the day they were all back to normal but the extended support is amazing. I am afraid with teens issues then being told he is AS might throw him in a tail spin. I just don't know the right choice. But the advice here from those who live a similar life is helpful.

As to weather or not I am AS. I don't think so but it is something I am looking at. There is AS on his dad's side of the family. I have no doubt his dad is on some level. I am dislexic which most people assume "oh you can't read" I read well... My spelling is awful lol..but similar to AS I process differently not everything.. mostly knowledge things not social. For example.. multiplication.. 7X6 most people just know the answer I quickly break it sown and re assemble.. for me it is 7x5+5+2. Mostly math issues.. I don't do well with picking out just the important parts to what I am saying so I overexplain things which is great when you are with an AS. I have no social issues, no obsessions, I read emotions and interpret them. I am very intuitive. I am not saying psychic. I just pick up on small things most people don't notice and without knowing my mind juggles them around and I have AH HA moments. I don't know what that is exactly. I am sure I am something but it doesn't bother me in any way. I just don't feel AS is right... I wish I were as intelligent as you all.

I was Dx'd ADD when I was around 11 or 12 and my parents told me immediately. We also discussed medication and came to the conclusion that I did not want to be put on Ritalin. Unfortunately, the Asperger's Dx was not common in the mid 80's, so I was not evaluated for it, despite educators telling my parents I had emotional problems, organizational problems, coordination problems, horrifying handwriting and did not play well with others starting in kindergarten. Autism also carried an even larger stigma at that time than it does today and my mom did not want me labeled as such and so refused to have me assessed for it at that time. I think I would have wanted to know, if for no other reason than I like to have all the data in front of me to make good decisions going forward. As of today, I have no formal Dx, and I do want one just to settle it once and for all. I have laid the groundwork for the best possible self-assessment I can do, but can't really settle it without a professional assessment.

Now, I don't know your son or how he deals with things, so I have no idea how he will react. However, given the school he is in, it is likely that he knows other aspies already and may already suspect it in himself. This will numb the shock of it compared to a child who has only been in mainstream schools and has limited to no exposure to people on the spectrum. After all, if you read some of the stuff available online about aspies/auties you come to the conclusion that they are monsters who are completely self-absorbed and do not care about the emotional needs of others. Of course, much like most stereotypes written by those who are not part of the group, they are exaggerated or not true at all. Fortunately for him, he will already know this from personal experience rather than having to go through self-doubt about his underlying humanity like so many of us do when we first start researching it.

I think my vice principal in high school had an idea, because he gave me a copy of games people play and my social understanding skyrocketed after and he wasn't particularly preachy even though I'd see him quite often...

I also ended up getting offers to take tests in quiet places, transcription and so on, services and stuff that ended up being fairly to my liking after all

I never got diagnosed though, and that's about the only hint that indicates someone knew of it before me really, funnily enough I had already gotten my differences down pretty much by grade 5-6 a good 12-15 years ago or something, in terms of how I was different, but that's about it for recognition until recently, family seems to get it now, and one or two said they suspected it

certainly explains my absolute aversion to fish oil though

My wife claims to know I have AS even though I have never been diagnosed. Since we talk of there being a spectrum, it seems to me that you can reserve a place for a very large percentage of the population in there. Within the autism spectrum, I have no doubt that I fit somewhere in the Aperger's zone. In the "social butterfly" spectrum, I'm on the opposite edge. Shall I claim to be on the fringes of social butterfly syndrome? Ever since I started pondering where I might fit into the autism spectrum, I've looked at others differently, observing traits that would lump them in too. Those who I saw as smart, focused and logical now have the added qualifier of Asperger's-like.