Wanting to make friends with someone = stalking
Ok, ok, there's a fine line I have to explain, so that you can understand what to work with, in the future. Since we don't naturally know most social norms and cues, I'll go into this a bit more clearly. There is really only one thing a woman can do to sabotage a friendship with a man (unless he's over-reacting, I can't tell from what you wrote), and that is to come off like you'll suck us in and take over our lives. The whole "Overly Attached Girlfriend" meme is the most obvious example of that:
(Don't let yourself be seen as that)
http://www.quickmeme.com/Overly-Attached-Girlfriend/
And, of course, that's applicable to friendships. I've had friendships where a woman started treating me like I was her boyfriend with all the demands of that, but none of the benefits of one (and I wasn't even asking for it). That sounds like complete hell to us, like we're being used for your emotional comfort and with no concern for how we feel. As guys, we'll give it all to a relationship, but not the same to a friendship with a woman. And, that's right. You should give more to a partner than any friend of yours.
But, back to my point - You need to take things lightly with guy friends or you'll get them freaked out, make them feel smothered and run off immediately. This can include talking about being obsessed about them and having feelings for them. But, really, it's the way you do things. I have one example of a lady friend of mine who I was sure (and probably is) still somewhat obsessed with me. I wouldn't care a bit and it would be perfectly fine with it all if I didn't feel like she was trying to suck me into her black hole every time I was around her. I have to keep her at arms length or she'll pull me in and try to get closer to make it more relationshippy, even though it's clear it's not happening and she knows we're "just friends." That makes me very uncomfortable, since I do not want to be forced into anything and she is not my girlfriend.
Now, compare that to a different girl I know who had some feelings for me for a long time, also is friends, but is just all chill about it. I actually WANT to spend time with the second girl, since she's just an awesome person, fun to be around and it's irrelevant if she has feelings for me, did have feelings for me or whatever. She was just relaxed, calm about it, and didn't ever make it an issue. She took it slow and didn't make me uncomfortable.
So, for the first girl, had she simply took it easy and just treated me as a casual friend, I'd laugh it off and be fine with it. But, it's not like that. See the difference? Now, I haven't blocked her on facebook, but I sure have limited what she can see (whereas the second is not). Again, if she just treated me like the other female friend of mine, was relaxed, and didn't get too close, too quick, it would have been great. It's all about slowly becoming better friends, not overnight. After that's been done, for a long while, THEN you can, much later on, tell him about it.
Of course, what is done is done. So, in the future, take this into consideration. Hope this helps!
I have been there many times. Just recently this happened to me last week. My job coach suggested that I give a girl I like who is a waiter at a restaurant my phone number. I started arguing with her telling her how that's going to creep the girl out. I am usually a pessimist. How she convinced me, would by telling me what's the worst that can happen is that she just won't call you back, or you can start hanging out as friends. You have nothing to lose.
So, I gave her my number, & I wanted to tell her I have aspergers so she wouldn't feel weirded out, with my job coach of advised against it. After I gave her my number she looked a little weirded out just as I suspected and predicted.
A few weeks later I was back at the same restaurant just wanting to eat and I was ordering food and when I came to get my food, that girl was in the serving area. I didn't tell her anything because I was afraid that if I try to speak to her I was going to get in trouble.
I wanted to apologize for what happened last time, but I didn't say anything and I just got my food and sat down. While in the restaurant, I spoke to Ann of family there who had a son with aspergers as well close to my age. We conversed about politics and how I prefer Bernie Sanders over Hillary and Trump since I'm a socialist.
However, after finishing my lunch and cleaning up I had to go back to the area where that girl was in order to clean up my food and I decided that I would want to tell her something, but instead I didn't say anything again and I just cleaned up.
Then, after I cleaned up the manager called me over shook my hand and he asked me that I was making the girl uncomfortable an extremely politely asked me not to talk to her.
I apologized, he said it was okay and he then told me to give the girl some personal space.
That manager probably knew that that girl complaining about me giving her the phone number last month and considered me stalking her. All I wanted was to make a friend I'm not interested in making girl friends yet as I don't I think going to get married or even have a girlfriend for a very long time.
Things have just been working that's my favor for many years.
Between 2006 and 2012 due to severe bullying and its severe bout of OCD due to stress from City of bullying my mom send me to a special needs school for 6 years for kids and young adults with autism. YouTube this, my socialization skills were said back another 6 years.
This was a far cry from an even bigger incident that happened almost 2 years ago.
There were two girls in the cafeteria that I really wanted to talk to, but my pessimistic nature prevented me from talking to them. However, my bravery talk the better of my pessimism and I mustered the courage to just walk up and say hi to them.
Then girls started yelling at me cursing at me to not follow them around yet I was never following them around. It is exactly what I feared and predicted would happen if I actually went up to the girls, but my friend encouraged me to do that if I ever came across somebody that I wanted to talk to since I'm usually very shy and introverted person. I also lost my temper and started cursing out the girls and explaining to them that I have Asperger's, then the girls just told me that I'm being extremely disrespectful and got even angrier you to my outburst because of their outburst.
I had a panic attack because I was afraid they were going to report me to the school security, yet they never threaten to do that.
I had such a severe panic attack that I nearly passed out in the middle of the school hallway.
This happened only 10 minutes before I was supposed to take my math exam in you to my panic attack I ended up failing my exam because when I took the exam I was still in a very nervous and jittery phase.
When I am introverted and shy it is around girls that I like to talk to. I'm afraid that every girl I try to talk to you will either explode at me like that or will think I'm just a weirdo
The only girls I am comfortable to talk to or my coworkers and only close friends.
I have absolutely no problem talking to guys since I am a guy myself and I usually don't think what other guys think of me.
I just hope that everything works out for you and I hope no one has to go through what I went through.
When I was in public school I was beaten up and teased on a daily basis and the worst thing about it was when I was in public school none of the teacher stopped the bullying and I was often punished for aka starting fights even though I never did so.
When I would ask the teachers why I was being punished for tiny things like talking back when the bullies who beat me up got away with it the teacher and the inclusion director told me it was because of the bullies were different for me and that everyone got treated differently.
Basically I was discriminated against because of my diagnosis my mom thankfully pulled me out of the school and send me to that special needs school because I developed a severe bout of OCD and depression and this is where my pessimistic attitude begin due to to four years of severe bullying.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
I don't have friends and it's difficult to make them |
Today, 2:05 pm |
Struggle to make friends but I have acquaintances |
01 Dec 2024, 11:26 am |
Where to make friends as an autistic lesbian? |
16 Sep 2024, 4:18 am |
Wasted time not being friends with people I wasn't friends |
25 Nov 2024, 2:58 pm |