Bully keeps ask to hang out late at night

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hartzofspace
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12 Sep 2012, 11:13 am

Why isn't your mother doing all the things that are suggested here? The police aren't going to listen to a 15 year old. I was fifteen once, and they most certainly did not listen to me. Bullies pulled our front door off our house and the police did nothing because my mother was away and they figured it was a neighborhood prank.

When my Aspie daughter was assaulted at a school party, I prosecuted every one of those little bastards. I had the police take pictures of her bruised face and after they were arrested, we moved to another school district. Your mother should at least do more than just give up because the police did nothing. I hope things improve for you, I really do! There is a lot of good advice here.


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Alvin31
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12 Sep 2012, 12:44 pm

give them traps like home alone movie



Rascal77s
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12 Sep 2012, 12:50 pm

I'm still wondering what's up with the parents.None of you have wondered this? If I were a parent and there were kids coming to my door at 2 or 3 AM I would be wondering what's going on and I would be pretty pissed off.



hartzofspace
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12 Sep 2012, 2:23 pm

Rascal77s wrote:
I'm still wondering what's up with the parents.None of you have wondered this? If I were a parent and there were kids coming to my door at 2 or 3 AM I would be wondering what's going on and I would be pretty pissed off.

I mentioned this in my post above.


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12 Sep 2012, 3:58 pm

Where the f**k do you live actually and WHY aren't your parents helping you with this stuff?



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12 Sep 2012, 6:47 pm

Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2 wrote:
Alfonso12345 wrote:
If you severely injure them with the knife if they try to force you to leave with them, then you should have nothing to feel bad about. You couldn't be charged with a crime if it is self-defense. And... if you kill one of them, then the rest will fear you and stay away and the world would be a better place without the deceased bully being alive.


this is the worst advice I have ever seen.

Oodain wrote:
never escalate or increase the risk of escalation, if they come its far better for him not to engage at all, there are plenty of stand off methods above so why endanger life and limb between teenagers?


yes. thank you.

to the OP: stop answering the door. the knife is just making it obvious that you're scared of them, which is what they want. this is about gaining status with each other by demonstrating dominance over you. these kinds of boys are not going to respond rationally to physical threats, and the more they lose face to you in front of each other the more they are going to feel compelled to hurt you however they can. beating them up mildly is going to provoke them more, and beating them up severely is just going to cost you the moral and the legal high ground (which is the best defense you have). they are never going to respect you and they are almost certainly better at the kind of violence that doesn't get people sent to prison than you are, so don't play to their strengths. stop engaging them. talk to someone in your school who knows how this stuff works legally. some special ed teachers have legal training for handling these kinds of cases. tell them you are afraid of getting seriously hurt. if someone on staff with your school doesn't respond promptly and vigorously then you need to find a disability rights advocacy group or a lawyer.

your parents could sue the hell out of the school district if they don't do anything, and frankly I think they should. lawyer up. if no one helps you threaten to go to the local news with stories about how little your school administrators care about bullying. get a restraining order. register a formal complaint with the school district. go above your principal or to a meeting of the school board if you have to. school administrators have a hell of a lot to lose these days if they're seen as tolerating this kind of bullying. if you got hurt or hurt yourself the media would have a field day and the people who let it happen would lose their jobs. they know it, too.

there's absolutely no need for you to respond to them on a base physical level. official channels should take care of these idiots. getting more physical with them is just putting yourself at risk, and will - when it inevitably comes to some sort of legal conflict - reduce your credibility as a victim and make you look like an equal aggressor. I repeat: keep the knives in the kitchen and stop answering the door.


Good, at least you have some advice that is way better than mine. I think if I had been in this same situation, instead of coming here for advice, I might have ended up acting on my crazy idea and the situation might have ended up worse than it was before. I think my advice was so terrible because I was thinking that self-defense was the best way.



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12 Sep 2012, 7:54 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
Rascal77s wrote:
I'm still wondering what's up with the parents.None of you have wondered this? If I were a parent and there were kids coming to my door at 2 or 3 AM I would be wondering what's going on and I would be pretty pissed off.

I mentioned this in my post above.


And I mentioned it previously on page 1. I'm just surprised that people weren't asking this question since the 1st reply on the thread. I mean knifing the guy was suggested before parental involvement was (not that I have anything against hurting a bully who has bad intentions) :lol:



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12 Sep 2012, 8:09 pm

Alfonso12345 wrote:
Good, at least you have some advice that is way better than mine. I think if I had been in this same situation, instead of coming here for advice, I might have ended up acting on my crazy idea and the situation might have ended up worse than it was before. I think my advice was so terrible because I was thinking that self-defense was the best way.


sorry, I didn't mean to be harsh about it, it's just really dangerous to escalate situations like this and I didn't want to be ambiguous about that. it's natural to want to react to violence with violence, it just doesn't help things, especially when it's three thugs vs one gamer geek. discretion is the better part of valour.

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re: the parents

if they aren't doing anything, people on the internet criticizing them for it isn't going to change anything. they should be helping, but that may not be the case.

OP: if you can't get help from your parents, call a social worker. I'd imagine a group like the easter seals or a local aspergers/autism society could put you in touch with one. they exist for exactly these kinds of situations, and could help you navigate the legal system and getting the support you need at school.


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12 Sep 2012, 8:22 pm

Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2 wrote:
Alfonso12345 wrote:
Good, at least you have some advice that is way better than mine. I think if I had been in this same situation, instead of coming here for advice, I might have ended up acting on my crazy idea and the situation might have ended up worse than it was before. I think my advice was so terrible because I was thinking that self-defense was the best way.


sorry, I didn't mean to be harsh about it, it's just really dangerous to escalate situations like this and I didn't want to be ambiguous about that. it's natural to want to react to violence with violence, it just doesn't help things, especially when it's three thugs vs one gamer geek. discretion is the better part of valour.

--

re: the parents

if they aren't doing anything, people on the internet criticizing them for it isn't going to change anything. they should be helping, but that may not be the case.

OP: if you can't get help from your parents, call a social worker. I'd imagine a group like the easter seals or a local aspergers/autism society could put you in touch with one. they exist for exactly these kinds of situations, and could help you navigate the legal system and getting the support you need at school.


Well alerting the obviously oblivious parents of people prowling on their property at 2 or 3 AM would be a pretty good way to 'get the ball rolling' don't you think?



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12 Sep 2012, 9:11 pm

Rascal77s wrote:
Well alerting the obviously oblivious parents of people prowling on their property at 2 or 3 AM would be a pretty good way to 'get the ball rolling' don't you think?


by all means. I was assuming the OP went to his parents about this problem before the internet, but if they aren't aware, then they definitely should be. he did say that his mom was aware of the incident on the bus, so I assumed they knew about everything.


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Alfonso12345
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12 Sep 2012, 9:36 pm

Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2 wrote:
Alfonso12345 wrote:
Good, at least you have some advice that is way better than mine. I think if I had been in this same situation, instead of coming here for advice, I might have ended up acting on my crazy idea and the situation might have ended up worse than it was before. I think my advice was so terrible because I was thinking that self-defense was the best way.


sorry, I didn't mean to be harsh about it, it's just really dangerous to escalate situations like this and I didn't want to be ambiguous about that. it's natural to want to react to violence with violence, it just doesn't help things, especially when it's three thugs vs one gamer geek. discretion is the better part of valour.


You weren't harsh, you were honest. I have a lot of violent thoughts and when I read posts like this, the first thought that comes to my mind is "KILL THEM!" In this situation, I was thinking since he is able to fight, even if he can't take out all of the bullies, he could at least injure one in self-defense and force the others to retreat, but now that I actually think about it, I don't really think that is what would happen. It would be like fighting against a pack of wolves with a knife. It probably wouldn't work with all of them attacking at once. All I know is, if the police haven't done much to help and if the parents haven't done anything either(if they know about this) then I honestly don't know what other option there might be.



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12 Sep 2012, 10:00 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
When my Aspie daughter was assaulted at a school party, I prosecuted every one of those little bastards. I had the police take pictures of her bruised face and after they were arrested, we moved to another school district. Your mother should at least do more than just give up because the police did nothing. I hope things improve for you, I really do! There is a lot of good advice here.


Wow, I wish the police around here would have done that. I was severely assaulted at 15 to the point where I have a permanent injury (concussion to the point now where any light touch to my head makes me dizzy) and the police basically laughed at the complaint saying it's a school matter and not something they get involved in. He got a whopping 3 day suspension and the parents were IRATE about that since he was an high honours student. Of course, one of my bullies was a cop's father and what was done? I was shipped off to another school!

Still in Canada before 18 you can literally get away with almost any crime scot-free! I'm all for giving stupid kids second chances but these kids knew EXACTLY what they did and would still do it today if not for the law being against them. If they were arrested, they would probably have burned our house down and their parents would reward them for it. Some bullies just make bad choices (I've worked with two and realize they have grown up) but some are just pure evil and have no morals or conscience.



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12 Sep 2012, 10:37 pm

Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2 wrote:
to the OP: stop answering the door. the knife is just making it obvious that you're scared of them, which is what they want. this is about gaining status with each other by demonstrating dominance over you. these kinds of boys are not going to respond rationally to physical threats, and the more they lose face to you in front of each other the more they are going to feel compelled to hurt you however they can. beating them up mildly is going to provoke them more, and beating them up severely is just going to cost you the moral and the legal high ground (which is the best defense you have). they are never going to respect you and they are almost certainly better at the kind of violence that doesn't get people sent to prison than you are, so don't play to their strengths. stop engaging them. talk to someone in your school who knows how this stuff works legally. some special ed teachers have legal training for handling these kinds of cases. tell them you are afraid of getting seriously hurt. if someone on staff with your school doesn't respond promptly and vigorously then you need to find a disability rights advocacy group or a lawyer.


I wish I could find a hole in this paragraph, but I cannot. This is probably the single best advice I have ever heard. Wish I heard this instead of the usual naive "just hit them back and they will stop" or "they just need a friend" BS. To summarize again because this information is so important:

1)Bullies thrive on fear above all else. It's like a drug to them. As an Aspie at your age, this is difficult to grasp. It's not about bruises but knowing they have power over you.
2)Bullies at your age cannot be reasoned with. It's incredibly naive to think otherwise and I found that out the hard way. Don't even try to explain how ridiculous they are being because they simply don't care and wouldn't get it if they did.
3)Bullies like this care about social status above EVERYTHING else. Some would literally saw their own limbs off if it meant being at the top of the social ladder. Again, as an Aspie, especially at your age this is almost impossible to understand: it took 28 years before I even began to get it and to be honest I still don't completely.
4)Bullies are masters at hiding in plain site. They know how to put on a show when authority figures are watching and most are pros at covering their tracks. If you ever attack one with a knife even if justified, YOU are instantly seen as the perpetrator and them at the victim and you lose all credibility as a victim in the future. I can understand your motivation but it will NOT help you in any way.
5)Bullies know when to draw the line and will NOT cross it. They know the consequences of not flying below the radar and almost never will do anything that gets them on the news. They are generally sadistic and cruel but generally cowardly too. Breaking in at 3am is one of those things.
6)YOU CANNOT BEAT THEM AT THEIR OWN GAME!! While I advocate hitting a bully back at first, once they have established themselves violence will only make things worse. Again, you are seen as trying to dethrone an Alpha male in front of the rival Alphas and that is downright dangerous in this situation. Ridiculous yes, insane yes, but that's the world we live in.



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13 Sep 2012, 12:05 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
When my Aspie daughter was assaulted at a school party, I prosecuted every one of those little bastards. I had the police take pictures of her bruised face and after they were arrested, we moved to another school district. Your mother should at least do more than just give up because the police did nothing. I hope things improve for you, I really do! There is a lot of good advice here.


Wow, I wish the police around here would have done that.

Well I have to admit that at first they blew me off when I called them. It was only when I got a call from the father of the boy who had accompanied my daughter to that party, (his son had also been assaulted at that same party,) that things changed. Because his child had been of a different race than most of the kids at that party, he considered the incident to be racially motivated and called in the FBI. He offered to add our case to his, and then we got respect.


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13 Sep 2012, 2:52 pm

Well whatever works I suppose. No doubt most of the kids felt justified in using the Nurenburg defense in that they were just trying to follow "orders" and this makes violently assaulting someone okay. Without getting into personal details I know many kids think something is perfectly fine as long as they didn't make the initial first move.



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13 Sep 2012, 3:05 pm

Don't answer the door. Your mother really needs to take care of this and call the police if it's bad enough.