tell me about asperger women

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FYI, BPD (how some Aspie women are (sometimes) mistakenly diagnosed) stands for Borderline Personality Disorder, which you're mistaking for Bi-Polar Disorder. Bi-Polar is not a personality disorder; it is a cycling through states of depression and mania (which, as far as I understand, is not usually mistaken for Asperger's, though it can be co-morbid with Asperger's).

Just thought you should know.


As for your ideas on Aspie women, I loosely identify with the description of a "lesbian who likes men." However, I don't believe you can generalize about all Aspie women...generalizations are pretty silly considering the range of diversity in human beings.

Hah! My existence in a nutshell! Except not quite so slim anymore, and definitely devoid of scary kids hogging all my playtime .

Well you got a lot of reactions from aspie women.

And I think you are right with some of your thoughts.

A very simple answer is though that they are female it is as simple as that.
They care more about fitting in as do NT women.
They dont need to be strong or supporting with their "natural&society role"
They can have weaknesses
They chitchat much more about problems with NT friends

Men have to show that they are strong. Which we are definitely not quite.
Men have to show that they can support. Women expect more from men than do men from women

Men try, women choose. And men are not so really choosy as women...

Well if you can choose then why the hell should you take somebody that has problems
or is awkward. And what the hell are your friends going to say if you are with an aspie

those kind of things are in the game ...

But why the hell did you write about lesbians?
That has nothing to do with it.

Aspie women are just so much different than we are.
I'd prefer to be an aspie women I must admit though.

That would make things a hell lot easier I think ...
Allthough the demand from other females is probably quite annoying as well...

I'm not even really aspie, but as a female I can say that:

-I don't care about fitting in as do NT women. I seem to swim against the current no matter what and people think I do it intentionally, but I really don't since it hardly makes for an easy life.

-Maybe I don't need to be strong or supporting with my "natural&society role", but I sure as hell try to be.

-I aim NEVER to show weakness in public - I'm known for being "fiercely independent".

-I have no real NT firends to chitchat to except my colleagues and I certainly wouldn't share problems with them. I even struggle to share problems with my partner and he's the only one in the world I'd ever consider opening up to.

In my personal experience, and following the advice of my dad, if I meet someone who says they have BPD who I'm not going to be forced to interact with, I'll mark them off as broken people I should avoid talking to. That might sound terrible, but being stalked is worse (though of course they're not all stalkers), let me tell you. My dad's actual advice was "If a girl tells you she has BPD, run away screaming. Wave your arms around too, so it looks funny, because all the world's a stage, you know. You got to avoid having them latch onto you. Think of it like this: they're heroin addicts who happen to have never touched the stuff. They get their fix by causing you stress".

Yeah he got stalked by a borderline chick in college, and I was utterly unprepared when it happened to me in an intro to anthro class, because I was sure nobody could actually find me or the things I have to say interesting, so I was totally safe from stalkers. A few days later my email was flooded, and I just left my phone off. She knew my class schedule somehow too, and of course followed me. I wasn't frightened of her hurting me, I was more concerned that I would murder her with my bare hands for the distress she caused me, which I could never forgive myself for. Luckily (ok tragically, she probably wasn't all bad), she committed suicide after being expelled for acting completely and utterly insane for months. I probably would have done the same if I had been her, she was clearly not going to get better, she was going to stay exactly the same, and then get worse during drug binges. (But if you feel this way about yourself reading this, you're wrong and should seek treatment)

I'm not saying people with bpd are all beyond help or not worthy of compassion, but having asperger's syndrome, I was utterly unprepared to deal with her in any way. I would say something, and she would interpret it as a declaration of love instead of me telling her I disliked her as a person, I felt in danger around her, and that I found her to be unattractive.

When she tried to follow me to visit my grandmother during her cancer treatments, I decided to get theatrical, screw it if the cops got called, and just started screaming the c-word as loud and fast and as close to her face as possible. She ran away in terror, her first behavior that I understood. A few hours later though I was getting texts about how my new piece of "transgressive street theater" was total genius and how she could hear me telling her I loved her "sub-memetically", which I assume was a fancy way of saying she heard voices . I felt sick that she could so misinterpret the reality of things. Sick and scared that I might go nuts in some way some day. Just got to keep telling myself there's no family history, and it's unlikely to happen from psychedelics alone.

Sorry for such a long post, especially since it might seem hateful to some people, but I don't hate BPD people, I just feel that for people with AS, a relationship with one can be genuinely dangerous, on multiple levels. I mean, we generally try to look at things logically, and in our dealings with others, we assume they see the world similarly to us. This is usually the case. It's completely different with a psychotic (which she obviously was by the end), they're just not like normal people, they can't be predicted. (though I'm sure some are able to construct meaningful lives for themselves with treatment). When she killed herself, I felt it was my fault, for cruelly ignoring another's loneliness despite my knowledge of the pain it carries with it, maybe she just needed love, like I did, and that maybe I should've just made myself love her, maybe if I did that she would have calmed down some day. If my depression had been in full effect, I can't imagine how bad that would have felt. As it happened, my grades improved significantly and I was much less stressed. It took a lot of alcohol and my father agreeing to never, ever discuss it with me and to pretend it didn't happen, before I stopped feeling guilty. I had to tell myself I'm just a guy, and not a hero who saves people from themselves, and that I shouldn't feel like I owe the world valiant acts of heroism by default.

Again, not trying to insult anyone with BPD or their friends or family members, just relaying what happened to me. By mom got stalked by a woman with bpd too, but she actually ended up helping her with her life and gained a close friend. My mom doesn't have AS though, and thinks about feelings and communication more than I think about two chicks at the same time.

At least they talk less than aspie guys

I've always enjoyed the company of motormouths, personally. That should be obvious, though.

She had a degree in politics
and such
Had a taste for drugs
and large books
Aspergian nephew
Private schooled
and very classy
very smart
always stank of tobacco and booze
too clever to ever fit in
too unique to throw away

Got a high paying job in the government helping the poor

Ok, I guess you don't like me very much. Oh well, you're still ok with me.

thank you

Speak for yourself. I can talk the hind leg off a herd of mules. (Figuratively. I like animals.) When I talk, I have to remember not to batter my audience with innumerable densely-worded paragraphs of jargon, and to occasionally let them talk, too.

I can be very quiet; but usually that's when I'm tired. I just detach and turn off my language functions, if I'm tired enough.

Of most of the people I know, I talk the most.

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 23 Sep 2012, 10:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Interesting - I'm the opposite. I'm normally a textbook passive case, but if I get tired enough, that's when I start picking up active but odd traits. It takes me being exhausted to get me to start talking and talking. When I'm tired enough if someone has gotten me started talking I just keep going and going. That's one of the signs that I'm sleep deprived after being unable to feel warm no matter what I do.

Depends on the day because we're widely variable from day to day (at least I am). If my functioning is good, I can continue to fool someone until 5 meetings in that I'm not normal. If I'm having a lousy day where I didn't sleep well and I'm riddled with all sorts of issues (especially sensory issues), then someone will know something's weird 5 minutes in. It really depends, and in what environment I meet them in too.

With that said, you can't wear the mask forever, or it'll suffocate you (aka it'll drain you terribly).

Dude, how many Aspie Women threads do you need to make???

First of all:

1) Women are conditioned differently from men in general. Facing scrutiny, it's easier for a woman to slip under the radar and go undiagnosed because males are more likely to show their frustrations externally in giving a teacher a migraine than females who internalize their struggles in general. Also, it's also the old standard that men ask a girl out instead of the inverse, which would partially explain why aspie women are less likely to be single than aspie men. That and men are expected in general to be more self-sufficient providers. That and it seems that aspie males are affected more severely sometimes (we still don't know why though).

2) no, I haven't successfully identified with a lot of females in my life to call a lot of them friends (see the womens board here on WP, we actually have a thread on that very topic of being unable to identify with NT females). most friends or at least allies I've met in life are male.

3) See #1

4) I've never been mistaken for bipolar. I'm dating someone with bipolar. The bigger mistakening/misdiagnosing I see mentioned on this forum, is with borderline personality disorder actually. But I was never suspected for that either. If you want to talk misdiagnosis though, write me down for ADHD.

5) I'm not drawn/attracted to boobs and "tacos" so I'm not a lesbian (totally hetero here), but I'm just not a very effeminate female. Androgynous, if you will I suppose. In high school, I dressed mostly straight out of the grunge era style even long after it was over by several years, I probably had a hormone issue because my voice cracked like a boy and I grew facial hair, I chopped my hair short and detested the color pink (didn't bother coming around to wearing it until my birthdaughter was born, and still, not all shades of it are tolerable to me). And too, it could be too, the difficult ability to make female friends, is because other females are either intimidated by us or do not understand is because we're more masculine in our nature of how we communicate. With that said, I don't believe in extreme male brain, because my two aspie male friends, are both more effeminate (and both will fully admit it too).

6) I would not call myself "successful"-- except in a relationship sense. Everything else? HA!

7) Society is still trying to construct a box for me to attempt fitting into. Again, relationship success doesn't carry over to other forms of life success at all. Actually, my whole life, people have been hounding me because they find so much wrong with me that when they were finally give a label to when I was diagnosed at 17 it was somewhat a relief for me. And even still sometimes people still bother to judge me for my abnormalcy. So you are absolutely dead wrong on that one.

I do not understand this final statement. Please clarify?

Hmm I am female and I cannot hide my disorder and fit in society, I tend to get along best with other people who don't fit in wether female or male though I guess I'd say its a little easier to make friends with males.

As for relationships I have yet for anything to go beyond a couple months at best...I think it really kind of depends on the individual how easy it is for them to get into relationships not what gender they are. I've heard the bi-polar thing, but I don't really get it since bi -polar disorder is a form of depression that comes with mania......that is not at all what AS is.