People who ask you to be normal

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The only time in my life that I didn't have people trying to change me was when I was a child. I think my mom realized that I was happy with my solitary games and my special interests. She didn't insist that I had lots of friends, wear the latest clothes, or have the latest hairstyles. My only clothes I wore were jeans, flannel shirts, and tennis shoes. In summer it was t-shirts and shorts and sometimes shoes. My family was very good about buying me my favorite clothes. I never saw the point in fashions and hairstyles. I still don't. My family knew that I was happiest in their company because they generally accepted me as I was. There wasn't any diagnosis yet for AS, but I was clearly different than most children. The people I didn't enjoy were the others at school. I wasn't very interested in them or their activities. I didn't attend our prom because I simply wasn't interested. Instead, I joined an orchestra. We had a performance on prom night. My parents never insisted that I go to the prom nor found it unusual that I paid no attention to it. I was never more happy when I finally graduated high school. At Purdue University I could be as eccentric as I wanted, and nobody cared.
All that changed in adult life. I became surrounded by people who were determined to change me. Because I do function fairly well in society, people began assuming that I was normal. I clearly wasn't. Church attendance was the worst experience. I thought church was the most restrictive, conformist place I had ever experienced. My bluntness and propensity for speaking my mind was not appreciated in church. People tried to force me to change everything about me. I became severely depressed and began believing that I no longer knew who I was. I did try so hard to be like the others. I harder I tried, the more I was criticized. I now despise religion and am sorry I wasted time on it.
I was formally diagnosed with AS several months ago. I finally rejected the bullying christians in my life. I began doing things that I used to do. I wore my favorite clothes. I was even forced to change mundane things such as how I held a pen, how I held a fork, and having a dominant hand. I'm ambidextrous and use both hands all the time. The others hated that. I would start writing with my right hand then switch to my left. People hated more that I would never make eye contact with them. I simply can't do it.
It's amusing to me that christians claim to be "not of this world" but are the biggest conformists in existence. I'm the one who resists and rejects conformity. Even in the Army, the most conformist organization on the planet, I still maintained my separate personality, indulged in my special interests, and maintained my quirky ways. The men in my platoon were mystified by me and said so. I do miss my BDUs. They were the best clothes I ever wore.
I finally know who and what I am after all these years. I give myself permission to be me. By the way, when I say "others", I am referring to neurotypicals.

I am myself and people have a problem with it. Everytime i tried to understand their thinking and fit in the crowd, it turned out to be a totally disaster.[/quote]

Why do you care if other people have a problem with it? Life is short. Just relax and do what you want.

I can't relax because of them. That's the problem. I'm not a monk (a recluse I am), even if i stay all day at home because I have no desire to socialize and in order to keep my mind serene i should always try to avoid them. And that's a stress.

Obviously you don't know what i'm talking about otherwise you wouldn't tell me to relax. Is not so easy as it seems to be.
Relaaaaaaax... bleeeah! Is not the first time i hear that.

I'm just nuts and agitate a lot. Is not my fault.


Thanks for the advice. I'll try that.

Why don't you look me in the eye, you must greet people when you start a conversation, Don't be so hard on yourself. Relax, it's nothing to worry about...

Yeah been there done that

Take steps such that you don't have to be around these people?

This. I am so tired of hearing this.