Is there a way of living happily alone?

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I love living alone. I do have a cat though if that counts. But I work in a corporate environment with 6,000 or so people, so my home is a refuge.

I don't know what to suggest really. All I can offer is the same boring cliche advice what you're probably sick of hearing, because I know I am.

But I can relate. I worry that I drive people away, or not so much that, I just worry that I bore people. Like once I had 2 friends (a wife and a husband) that ran a market stall, and sometimes I would stop and chat to them. But once I was there talking to them at their market stall for 2 hours straight, and now I start worrying and thinking, ''should I have been there with them for that long?'' Then another time I saw them, I had a little chat with them, then one of them sort of looked a bit (can't think of the word but I know the body language when I see it) and said, ''uh, so are you going to get your lunch now then?'' And I could tell they were getting agitated at the thought of me intending to stand there for 2 hours again, although that was not what I was intending to do. But I think I came across as clingy.

I am afraid to move out in case I get lonely. My mum does say a lot that she and the rest of the family will come and see me, but I'm still afraid that won't be enough. At first maybe my cousins will, but I doubt it. Obviously my mum and dad and my aunties will definately, but my cousins don't even come and see me now in my own home really, so they're not going to want to come and see me if I moved out somewhere. They're too wrapped up in their own social lives and too obsessed with drinking and socialising to even bother about what I'm doing, even if I did join them.

I do know people who live on their own, and they're quite content, but that still doesn't encourage me.

Yes, it is possible, but I think it depends on the person. I'm perfectly happy on my own and feel no need for company. Over the years I've come to realize that I am my own best friend. Noboby knows me better than I do. I know my thoughts and feelings the moment they arise.

People who are happy as hermits, generally have some spiritual or meditation practice. Some feel connected to a higher power and communicate with that higher power all day long. Others, like me, practice mindfulness. Even if it turns out that you are not 'hermit material', mindfulness can still help to be more compassionate towards yourself and that will lessen the pain of loneliness.

I'll give you a poem to think about.

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

Yeah I call it mmorpging I play a class that solos so I don't need anyone.And irl I am kind of a Hikkamori.

How old are you ?. In my experience it becomes easier with age, as you adapt and change.

It was definitely worst for me around the school years, because your forced to be stuck with so many other people.

Its kinda ironic, im not lonely when im alone, but im lonely when im stuck in a place with other people. Very odd.

It is very natural to feel the need for company though some people may not need it. So I don't think you should try and suppress it. I am actually in the same situation as you. Although my parents and siblings are there for me, I feel I need to be able to be more independent socially. I feel like a pathetic loser, but I know I shouldn't judge myself in that way. I think it is this very thing (at least partly) - putting myself down (very low self-esteem) - that is making me rather unattractive to other people. I need to work on that.

As I read your post I felt you wrote very clearly, concisely and honestly how you felt. You definitely weren't rambling. I can really relate to you. I think one of the things you (and I) need/can do is to find something that you are interested in and are good at. As you pursue it, you will forget about loneliness temporarily, you may find people (maybe online initially) to chat about it with, and then you may also gain some self-confidence, which may make you at least a bit comfortable with people. I know it sounds simplistic, but I think you can do something along this line as part of effort to make friends. As someone might have suggested, you could also get help from some support group. You are not alone in this.

I like what Callista wrote. Is it possible for an aspie to be happy alone? In general, yes, I'm pretty sure some aspies are. For you specifically - it's impossible to say. Have you tried not being concerned with making friends for a while and just focusing on other things you enjoy (special interests or whatever)? Are you happier when you do that? I'm not saying you definitely will be, but you may be. Just don't prohibit yourself from being happy alone because people are "not supposed to be".

Well I did it, then I got a dog... a turtle... rats.. squirrels... bunnies... birds... a cat... But eventually I got a wife!

So, it did work for me, for a while.

But nothing is permanent, I try to remember it everyday. I was hospitalized for a month when the mother squirrel died so much I missed her. Someday all my others little friends are going to die too, my wife may leave (I know how hard it should be to live with an aspie like me, that she, as a NT, will never understand). Life is an adventure for me, that hurts so much that sometimes I can't barely breath, but it has been worth till now.

I'd definitely try it.

I would say it's certainly possible.

The way things are, there's some myth or appearance that we are supposed to find a mate for life and then be joined at the hip to that person and go nowhere and do nothing else in life, as if it's some kind of end game or living happily ever after.

(that part would kill - like being back in school and that boring classroom - forever)


What I find worked for me the best was to have a private life on my own affairs yet couch social interactions within the scope of activities. Very often the first thing people think of around the idea of "going out" is to go hang out at a pub or bar but this is in fact that last rung/lowest common denominator thing and only intended either for groups to hang out with each other (meaning that if you go alone, you will stay alone around everybody who is not - it's like being a ghost) or a total chance encounter usually for the endeavor of "scoring" which of course can be done by anybody, AS or NT, to fulfill a need.

But going after a "cause' or making my social interaction exist within the scope of activities like volunteer work or joining a band (merely two examples) has the two-fold positive effect of getting enough interaction to avoid feeling unbearably alone while still maintaining a relatively solitary personal life such that I can use that personal time to recharge from the no-so-personal time. In that structure, a few good friends will pop up, but you won't be inundated with phone calls and constant draining "social calls", and you may get invited to a party or gathering from time to time. If you are useful or well skilled in the activity (which will come eventually) your quirks will be tolerated too.


So yes, it's possible, but if you crawl into a hole and just stay there, boredom will get you before loneliness. So I say, screw the whole "Me so lonely" thing and just get a life. Go out and get into some activities and they need not be ones that involve large crowds.

In the last town that I lived in for 6 years and practiced what I wrote, I actually became well known and popular and that just happened over a course of those 6 years. (Then I moved and had to start over but it's happening again and I am not even trying).

there are tons of people that live completely alone, you just never hear about them because they keep to themselves

living alone,...yes, happily NO

I don't think it's possible if you're the type of person who desires company. It's possible for some people to be happy living alone because they're content that way in the first place. But I don't think anyone can really change their desires, and if you have a longing for other people that can be really hardwired into us.

Medications, distractions, etc. can never really alter that. Maybe only on a very temporary or superficial basis.

I actually don't think I'd want to get rid of my desire for people. As much pain as it causes me when I'm lonely, it's a fundamental part of me and actually a trait I want to have.