I shouldn't, but I look down on "social" people

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Cuckooflower
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07 Oct 2012, 6:20 pm

I do understand the gist of what you're saying. To me, a lot of NT socialising just sounds like noise. I can't maintain eye contact with several people at the same time, I don't have the ability to process a lot going on all around me and I have severe sensory issues anyway....so yeah, that whole standing in groups whooping and the hysterical facial expressions and.........It's not my cup of tea.
However, what I have been told and have come to realise and accept, is that that really is meaningful bonding to NT people. It isn't false. It's just not how many of us on the spectrum operate.

I prefer intense one on one, meaningful discussion with kindred souls....but I'm an Aspie.
I understand your feeling of superiority, but as you get older it's easier to just accept that that's their world, and you have your own ways. And to value how you are. Being autistic can make one very attentive and a good listener and sensitive. A lot of people, autistic or not, will value that approach to communicating. And honesty.

The obsession with love? I'd say it's more the obsession with relationships you probably find tiresome. Love can be love of anything, I do think it's soulful and important. Just love of a book or nature. The obsession with romantic love is excessive in our culture. You can't get everything from it, it has to be balanced with love of broader things I reckon.

I'm sure you don't have schizoid personality disorder. Just an Aspie who hasn't found their niche and the right social balance yet maybe :wink:



gretchyn
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08 Oct 2012, 12:08 pm

E.M. Forster wrote an essay on love and tolerance (click), which is an interesting read.



SickInDaHead
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08 Oct 2012, 12:53 pm

Sanctus wrote:
SickInDaHead wrote:
Quote:
I realize that this is totally normal for a lot of NTs and only seems overwhelming to me because I am more sensitive. But I look down on people who treat other people as their only/biggest reason to live. I always rolled my eyes at people who say stuff like "my family is the most important thing in my life" or "the only thing that matters is love". No, dear NT, love is not the most important thing in life. If it was, there wouldn't be war or crime. Our lives evolve around so much more than love: hate, greed, ambition... another reason why I'm not interested in bands that only release love songs..



Actually, you refer to love as being the element that "could" possible cancel out these negative things. You are half right. Yes if love was the answer and sought out as such, you might get peace on earth.

But half right because love is a two edged sword and you have overlooked that wars, hate, greed, and all that other stuff stems from a lack of love.

To be more precise, it's the lack of love and those who respond poorly to the lack of love.

But we also have to rule out the truly sick people for whom love is no answer, and not even on their radar. They love corruption of flesh and earth, and deception too. They might love, or not, but with them, it don't matter.

Those people make much progress in screwing up the world because of all those NTs being "social" all the time and not noting much else.


I see I should have expressed myself better. I agree that love doesn't cancel out hate or greed. The thing is.. well some people act like the only thing you should ever care for, the only thing that should matter in life is love. I think reality shows that this is not only not the case, but not possible, and cannot be combined with the human character.



Such cruel fate then, that with AS there is such a(n in)difference towards love, the lack of need for the kind that is available, and the lack of availability for the kind that's needed.



smudge
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08 Oct 2012, 3:02 pm

The_Walrus wrote:
But if we had more love, hate would definitely disappear, and probably greed too.


You can't have one without the other.



smudge
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08 Oct 2012, 3:10 pm

antifeministfrills wrote:
I think people should actually listen to each other in conversations and share their actual thoughts/feelings (isn't that the point of conversation?). Maybe there would be less hate that way, because people wouldn't have the pent up passive aggression due to the social norm that we agree with others to keep the peace


Now *that* is an annoyance of mine. I was asking someone the other day about the difference between one Samsung phone model and another, then this guy mentioned the iphone. Then this other guy started to tell me the difference between this Samsung and the iphone. I said to him, "I'm not interested in the iphone. I want to know the difference between Samsung Ace and S"
"I know. The iphone does this and that"
**I repeat myself**
"Yes, I know. The iphone..."
"I'm not interested in the iphone"
"I know. The iphone..."
**I let him continue** and then I say, "I want to know the difference between the Samsung Ace and S. I'm not interested in the iphone"
"Oh, why didn't you say so? Well, go into a phone shop and ask."

I guess he meant well, but still...

Anyway, back to topic. Why is needing people seen as a weakness, and therefore something to be looked down upon?



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08 Oct 2012, 3:13 pm

Sanctus wrote:
Another kind of people who secretly make me roll my eyes are the ones who CONSTANTLY need sensory input, and can't do anything without making noise. They have the TV running all day, if you ask them "what are you watching?" the answer is usually "oh, nothing, I just use it as background noise". :? They make phone calls which last for hours. I always both admired and condemned people who are loud and "social" in school all day, then go home, immediately use teamspeak to talk to people some more, and finally they go out to socialize even more.



NTs like that are often quick to tell people "you talk to much" if its face-to-face talking in person. Then they proceed to talk on the phone for hours on end like it doesn't count as actual talking as long as it's on the phone. They seem think talking on the phone is exempt or something. :roll:



outofplace
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08 Oct 2012, 3:20 pm

I am always suspicious of overly friendly, happy, outgoing people. They have no "depth" to them (at least not to me) and i can never get a good read on them so I find them to be suspicious. I would much prefer someone who is depressed to someone who is bubbly and happy because they tend to have more interesting things to talk about.


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balletnerd
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08 Oct 2012, 3:33 pm

I consider myself to be quite social for an Aspie but i don't and indeed can't socialise in the same way as NT people usually can. When I go to parties or big gatherings it takes me a while to calm down and acclimatise to the noise and input going on all around me but then i find it fun to pick off individual people to have conversations with (group conversations difficult i cant deal with multiple conversations). I prefer deep conversations on one or two subjects rather than smalltalk which I hate.



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08 Oct 2012, 3:40 pm

I look down upon people in my peers who only accept people who like to get stupidly drunk.


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08 Oct 2012, 4:04 pm

I once knew someone who had lots and lots of good friends, I could tell from his lifestyle, he was always so busy socially. One day I asked him how many good friends he had. He said several tens, maybe a hundred. I then asked him how many friends he had with whom they discussed each other's dreams, hopes, fears, vulnerabilities, failures. He said one, sort of.

The only way to be friends with everyone is to not be real friends with anyone. So I too distrust those amazingly social people who are friends with everyone.


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08 Oct 2012, 4:11 pm

Must be something with the "social ladder", I have more friends than you thus I'm better or vice versa. Or/and that they have been programmed that way and will do it independently of any real value.



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08 Oct 2012, 4:51 pm

Does anyone see the irony?



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08 Oct 2012, 5:25 pm

Tell us.. :wink:



XFilesGeek
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08 Oct 2012, 5:52 pm

Sanctus wrote:
I always had trouble to respect a majority of NTs. That doesn't mean I treat them badly, it's just a prejudice that I have, making me avoid these people.

I mean people who are best friends with everyone and apparently have no problem at all with finding thousands of "friends". I find that most of these friendships are very shallow and meaningless. If I was one of the dozens of friends somebody has, I'd really doubt my value in that person's eyes. If somebody apparently gets along with everyone, to me that means he has no real principles.

Another kind of people who secretly make me roll my eyes are the ones who CONSTANTLY need sensory input, and can't do anything without making noise. They have the TV running all day, if you ask them "what are you watching?" the answer is usually "oh, nothing, I just use it as background noise". :? They make phone calls which last for hours. I always both admired and condemned people who are loud and "social" in school all day, then go home, immediately use teamspeak to talk to people some more, and finally they go out to socialize even more.

I realise that this is totally normal for a lot of NTs and only seems overwhelming to me because I am more sensitive. But I look down on people who treat other people as their only/biggest reason to live. I always rolled my eyes at people who say stuff like "my family is the most important thing in my life" or "the only thing that matters is love". No, dear NT, love is not the most important thing in life. If it was, there wouldn't be war or crime. Our lives evolve around so much more than love: hate, greed, ambition... another reason why I'm not interested in bands that only release love songs..

I know that this is just how I see the world and that for other people, life might really just evolve around shallow social connections and "love". I don't even claim that my viewpoint is superior. All I can say is that these people annoy me to no end, and I'd like to know if you feel the same.


No.


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Kindertotenlieder79
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08 Oct 2012, 9:42 pm

outofplace wrote:
I am always suspicious of overly friendly, happy, outgoing people. They have no "depth" to them (at least not to me) and i can never get a good read on them so I find them to be suspicious.


Ah yes, the folks that claim 3 or 4 different people as their "best friend". Seriously, shouldn't one only have one "best" friend?



Keyman
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08 Oct 2012, 10:02 pm

Not necessarily, but perhaps really good friend is a better term? it all depend on quality, and that is related to time spent. But strictly speaking "best friend" is a missnomer for more than one person.