How Social "Rules" Can Be Hypocritical

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Well I have arguments sort of like this with my sister a lot too (I started a whole thread about it) and I feel like my mom favours her in these situations. She will say the same thing that she "does everything for me" and "it can't always revolve around me". By this she's talking about things like "accommodations" she has to make for me around the house..... because I'm rigid about some things (needing to do things at the same time ect) and my sister had to work around them (when she lived at home) and how I made noise to cover up "little" noises my sister made -like chewing or eating noises by talking out-loud to myself -reading out-loud or singing or humming. I'd do this when my sister was studying or doing something quiet....the only way I could study too is to read aloud bcs I couldn't concentrate bcs of her noises - and yes were in our own rooms and I can wear earplugs or not - they don't work that well and our walls are paper thin. Anyway it's true that my sister had to put up with a lot - also my meltdowns/tantrums at unpredictable times- so I think my mum sees it as a kind of reciprocity to favour her with things like taking her to places she wants to go before my places, letting her pick where we eat or even taking her side in arguments over small things. Maybe it makes sense in a way. One time we went to Florida for 2 weeks and my sister was given the only bed to share with my mom and I had to sleep on the couch. My mom had a cot in the room and often slept on it but my sister got the bed. My sister and I had a huge fight I was horribly mean and bullied my sister during the first couple of days of vacation because I was angry/jealous about this to the point that she went home early on her own- then my mom angrily explained to me that my sister needs her space from me and a room to call her own and close the door. She said everyone had childhood issues and my sister had to put up with a lot living with me,even though it wasn't my fault - so she needed the space and needed her own room. My mum also said that my sister didn't get enough energy and attention devoted to her growing up bcs my mom was trying so hard to help me (and figure out what was wrong with me-my words) and so my sister who was gifted wasn't encouraged enough ect. What do you guys think.....if Jacqueline got neglected in these ways on a daily basis bcs of accommodations or trying to get help for James does that make the way James was treated seem more fair?

I can see asking James to humor some boring clothes and Barbie doll shopping at the mall, but I still think that saying they'll be back by 4 for the TV show and then later on flat-out refusing to leave when it's time is INEXCUSABLE. What if it was a football game that Dad wanted to catch the kickoff for (a common NT desire) and James then ran off somewhere in the mall by himself when it was time to leave, necessitating a heroic search for him that caused Dad to miss the kickoff? And the entire first quarter, probably?

Something I find interesting is when I relate my own childhood recollections to my mother, she doesn't disagree. She doesn't remember as much as I do, but the stuff she remembers tends to be in agreement with my interpretation - which in this case includes my father favoring my sister to a fairly extreme degree over me. Even my sister agrees with some of these situations, although she remembers many things I do not and has a different perspective on some of them.

I think my sister and I would also agree that my maternal grandmother favored me over her.

Here's what I think should have happened. I think that after James printed out the map, that his dad should have just took the map and pretended like it really helped him to spare James' feelings. Imagine the one gift you get on Christmas or your Birthday that you don't really care for or don't need like the rest which you love but you just look at the person who gave it too you, smile and thank them anyway. Same idea. Then at the movies, dad should have bought James some wheat free food. But at four O'clock, dad should have calmly explained to James that sometimes we have to be flexible with our routines and that he would need to be compliant and miss his show. Then James should have been flexible or at least have tried to be and then put up with the barbie store without complaints. Dad should then have let James go into the Map store since he was cooperative about missing his show and going to the barbie store. Lastly at the playground, James should have agreed to willingly be the monster and his sisters should have let him say what he wanted to say as the monster. That's how all of this should have really played out. This way, everyone would have compromised a little so they all could be happy.

Well said. I agree.

Regarding this, I actually had a discussion with my sister about how many foods we each disliked (meaning she wouldn't eat some things and I would and vice versa) and later that day my mother brought it up and essentially repeated our conversation back to us. Not verbatim, but very close.