How do I correct an Aspie teen boy with out making feel like

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I have some pretty severe problems with that. Thank God for online school because it can take me three days to type a simple assignment just because of the daydreaming. In the middle of reading on Arminianism vs Calvinism I started thinking about Star Trek the other day haha.

The trick is discipline. One that he is interested in. I was initially in band which helped a lot; it was orderly. Once I got in a martial arts class things got much better. I was also in J.R.O.T.C.. In the even that you look for a martial arts instructor remember that you are not looking for the fighting part as much as you are the discipline. Small classes and somebody that is set in their ways, but respectful. Most anything could be used like this, but I can't stress enough how important discipline is.

Short bursts of things to do. Don't give him an hour to do dishes unless it's really a lot. Enough time to take his time and not rush (or he will get flustered with it), but not so much that there is time to goof off. Schedules are good. The problem with schedules is once they are put in, it's a pain to organize around them. If I know I'm supposed to do the dishes at 4pm, and you want me to do them at 3pm, I pitch a royal fit about it. Then, after an hour of fussing, I magically do the dishes. It's like it is programmed.

Perhaps an outlet for the daydreaming? I like to draw and write, and when I have adequate time to express what I want to, I don't daydream near as much.

As bad as this may sound, you may also have to cut your losses. To this day I will look at a full trashcan and wait to take it out instead of just doing it. Or, I forget to take clothes out of the washer/dryer. I've been known to have a favorite shirt and forget that I wore it yesterday (or not care and just not realize, unless it smells of course). But if you try and solve all of the difficulties at once you will only create another. You will be changing the whole environment and that is a recipe for disaster. Try the dishes stuff first, handle that for a couple of weeks and see how it goes.

I think if you can just get him doing one thing really good and reliably, it will be such a stress reliever that the other stuff is easier to handle.

You sound like him lol. He is big into drawing and writing stories. I actually texted him a little while ago and said "Hey, write me a letter telling me how we can point things out to you that are incorrect with out you thinking we are po'ed even though we are frustrated" He replied "Oh.. OK!! " I have used writting in the past when he got agressive for a while but couldn't tell me why... hormones mostly but once he wrote it things got better. I don't know why I can't remember exactly what to do to get the results I need from him. I could use a little AS thrown my way lol. (focus, attention to detail, never forgetting ANYTHING) Thing is I don't think about the AS. He is just my kid. And he is so darn smart and funny and creative. I just want to make sure he has the life skills to make it on his own when the time comes.

I really get where you are coming from, and now that I'm older it is easier to see things from my mom's point of view. Just protect him and don't treat him any different--aside from the obvious with instructions and such. From what I have read and experienced, kids with A.S. are easy to take advantage of and usually they don't even realize it until it's too late. Like anyone else, this can cause huge problems for them in life. That whole "not forgetting" thing makes it worse. It's resulted in me having to file for disability because I can become an emotional wreck numerous times a day. Discipline, combined with good morals and values, will allow him to respect you.

Agreed! After watching my older brother as he was a teen and then going through my teenage years and looking back... and also what I know and remember of other people in their teens (past and present) - there was a lot of common ground on the things that our moms got pissed off on.

I think it's just normal teenage hormones.

The 501st is not going to be the time it finally sinks in.

If something doesn't work. It doesn't work. You have to change methods.

He doesn't want to be daydreaming all the time. He can't help it.

You have to think of times he was effective, and try to figure out what made those instances different.

My guess is he sees no importance in getting the dishes clean. Keep in mind, this means literal importance, not "because I said so" importance. There is no LITERAL reason why the dishes can't just stay dirty in the sink.

Make him understand that dirty dishes can mold, etc.

Make it stimulating for him. Take that time and have a conversation. Let him rant about whatever he is into. He probably won't even want to stop washing dishes if enjoyable conversation is in direct ratio to time scrubbing dishes.

No matter what though, whatever works or doesn't work, no matter how many dishes get washed, you have to be on his side. The moment you become any sort of authority or just stop being on his side, you've lost him. I promise.

He has to think you two are a team, and the team is faced with the challenge of getting these chores done.

At his age, and still today at 26, I would follow my family into hell if they could just make me feel like they needed me. As opposed to being against me, and just reminding me of how much I need them.

And you don't want to spend the time you have with your son just fighting. Neither does he. He would wash every dish in the world if it was something he just could see in a slightly different way. As something that doesn't just remind him of how things that are easy for other people are difficult for him. Seemingly for no reason. We would all half ass our obligations under such circumstances.

Clean dishes or not, just be on his side. I was my mothers daydreaming 13 year old boy, now I'm a 26 year old shut in who uses paper plates because he still can't figure out the f*****g point of washing dishes because no one comes over or shows me any level of respect no matter how clean or not clean the dishes are. Mostly, though I just miss my mom. Her frustration over the years just made her a stranger and neither her nor I can even remember if the chores got done.

Your responses have been very insightful and helpful. Please know first and foremost I have always been his biggest supporter. It is not his quirkyness or differences that frustrate me. I have never put him down for it. I tell him I love him a ton, I thank him for every task and praise him when he goes above and beyond or does a really good job. Like he is great with his sister and sometimes I need to shut down and regroup and he is great about listening to me say that and offering to take her to his room. I also don't get mad when I get the "why" question. I know that it is he really wants to know not that he doesn't want to do it. I explain the reason why.

What you said about talking to him during the dishes. Last night the kids ate earl and I was making dinner for my bf and I. My son was washing the dishes while I cut veggies and he was chatty, did a great job, and no attitude. I did ask him "how to I get this kid to always be here?" he didn't know. But what you have said makes sense to me now. We have also agreed to a word. He chose pee like going to the bathroom because he thinks it is funny. When he is talking back or giving me attitude I say the word and he has to stop talking. In 10 minutes he can discuss it with me. He threw attitude at me this morning because he didn't want my bf to take him to school because he says he is always late. I asked if had mentioned it to him and he said no and this was the first I had heard of it. (he starts school at 8:20 not 8:30) I told him he needed to verbalize with my bf these things. They don't "not get along" they just neither one seem to notice the other is there. It is not negative or uncomfortable just different. SO any way he doesn't want to tell him things because he is worried about the reaction but when I make him the reaction is always kind and understanding so I am trying to get him in that routine. The attitude was getting bad and I said Pee. Not angry just matter of factly. He was silent. In 10 minutes (when we both were calmer) I demonstrated his actions and asked if he knew that was what he looked like. He said no. I know we will get through this. Especially with all of the advice I have been getting here. I know many of his actions ARE typical teen but you have to teach those habits out of them.. like the back talk etc. It is just more difficult to do with AS. I am not equiped to understand on my own what he is hearing. When you all share how things feel to you it helps me to better understand him.

Brock, I am sure your mom misses you too. Have you ever tried emailing her? Maybe if you communicated electronically you would get a better understanding of each other as you can't really express emotion or inflection in writting. She may not know how to get to you and I am sure it makes her sad. Frustration and even anger are not the opposite of love. When we go through a very stressful situation I always tell my son "I love you very much.. I am annoyed/angry at your behavior and I don't know how to make you understand what I want for you. I am not trying to be mean it is just my job to help you learn the skills you need to be a man. But I do love you and nothing you do will ever change that"

Lori, two things stand out here, please I mean no offense but you have to consider them:
1. Maybe he does not like your "boyfriend". I mean, if you 2 are not married, it's not like he is his father and I think kids can sense that. So is BF overbearing or something like that?

2. Why don't you and your son take a trip to Sears and pick out a dishwasher, both of you will be happier for it.

Bob.

No offense was taken at all. And number 2 made me laugh. We have a dishwasher. There are just some things he has to do by hand.

He does not like his step mother and is very vocal about it. He did not like my previous bf and had no issue telling me so and it was a big reason I ended it with him. I have asked him how he felt about my bf and he says he likes him. They use to talk a lot about zombies and music etc.. when we had the baby my bf was overwhelmed. I assumed as any new dad would be. At that time I was not aware of his own AS. I know now that my bf shut down but I as a NT interperate things as such and I didn't realize that was what was going on. He just got quiet, and new babies take a lot of time and he was not capeable of shutting that off and paying attention to my son for a while and I didn't know at the time what was going on. My son felt my bf quit likeing him. That has only recently been brought to my attention. I am working with both sides to try to work things out and it has gotten better. One thing that does bother my son is that when I am getting on to him and he starts mouthing off my bf will step in and tell him to treat me with respect etc. He has never been mean or out of line with my son. I would not tolearat that. It is just with all of the processing and misreading cues he takes it as being hated. When I can get them together and start either one of them on a conversation they just chatter away at each other my son asks odd questions and my bf rattles off detailed explanations. Often I have no clue what they are talking about. I think it is more my son is intimidated because of the way he reads things. And with my BF being AS too his reactions often appear different than he means them. For example. If I were carrying our two year old and stumble over a toy he will in a firm voice in a higher volume than ususal but not yelling but sounding annoyed say "Be Careful!!" as if I were being careless intentionally. He panics easily and I have since learned that it is his panic tone but sounds like anger or annoyance. So if my son does the same thing he responds the same way but it is received as anger. Then my son, who is embarassed takes on the appearence of being a moody broody teenager which my bf sees as being just that and doesn't pick up on it being embarasment. With NT's collectivly a particular expression means something specific. With AS it is appearing to me that a particular expression means what ever that person associates it with. There are days when I as the NT can't hardly function by the end of the day trying to keep it all straight because I so often forget moody brood teen is embarassed or frustrated and angry adult is just freaked out because neither of them use my expressions for anything other than very very happy is smiles for us all. I am learing a lot of useful information on this site and applying it as fast as I can which has been great for us all. It is easier with my bf because he has life experiences that have taught him how to react in many situations. I am still having to teach my son which is difficult with any teen but trying to weed through the AS and the teen hormones is really difficult. And I take offense to nothing here. Everything suggested is at least worth looking at and considering. I will take all of the suggestions I can. I just want a secure and loving family for us all.

he keeps shutting down mentally because rather than be on the level with him you're being an authoritarian figure and pressing on him in a way that is bullying

I can tell because I have seen this occur many times with the same reasoning and same arguments and reactions

dispense any notions of authority you have when dealing with him, and any notions of deserving anything you are asking for, then ask

don't worry, it'll come across the way you want it to, but with your personality you automatically interject entitlement of compliance, so by focusing on not doing this, it'll come off minimally and you will probably see results

less demanding and more understanding is what I'd suggest, because you will see problems in the future for certain, even with the typical increased reliance on caregivers people on the autistic spectrum have leading to compliance out of fear of abandonment

I should also add that "master forcing ones' self" has very little bearing or relevance to how someone with ASD operates generally, and will only occur in the most obvious of situations from my experience

people on the ASD can be very indecisive, and the reason for this is the same reason forcing ones self has little bearing on the matter usually, and that is because the deluge of information makes a good pattern effectively impossible to find until all the data is analyzed, and since the autistic brain for all intents and purposes "can't" filter out information, it will be a very very long time coming before the skillset emerges that you're looking for

I suggest buying the book "games people play" your son, which is a book on game theory, which was used during the cold war as a way to figure out what the russians were doing when the US military couldn't spy on them directly - meaning it's a psychological insight into how people think and why, and a list of common interactions that occur and why

what a dictator says about parliament is generally that it takes forever for it to make up it's mind, this is the same relationship that neurotypicals have with autistics often, or at least some of them, and it would appear that your son has this relationship too

don't mind the political language too much, it's kind of my primary field of interest so I use it for everything unless I'm using common sociological memes from fiction


oh, and through the understanding of the inner workings of psychology, the logic and context of information will infer requests and demands, game theory provides an intellectual simulation of theory of mind, in the way game theory was used to overcome the mind blindness of the US military involving soviet behaviour, someone on the ASD can use this to understand inferences from others

hostile or overbearing requests will result in dropping interest in translation and result in more focus on personal concrete survival behaviours, on what seems like a side note but is central to the issue, you're probably feeling talked down to by now and would prefer to be talked to "like an adult"

many people on the ASD are very akin to "adults" in intellectual capacity, emotional capacity can be limited, but ASD stuff can also be equivalent to "nerd syndrome" and you must remember that emotional responses provide stimuli that can be overwhelming to the autistic mind

cold formulaic logic is key, "you need" is straight out of the question, if it's a command over something that you want, you need to not dress it up as if it's their wish, I am certain most aspies can recognize that sort of language, and it is not friendly and we know that, "I wouldn't if I were you" is most often used as a veiled threat, those who cannot rely on conventional negotiations through emotional methods will be militant and defensive as they should be


just be honest about the situation, if they said something that's offensive to other people, just say that it's offensive to those people, I suspect you've done a bunch of damage to his focus on empathy by using things like "the royal we" "you need" and so on


you won't be perfect when it comes to working on this, but I'm sure that since you've mastered being able to force yourself to do what's best that you will make progress

I have a background of dealing with numerous authority figures who communicated to me the same way and I reacted the same way

now, I have told you how to get the best response from someone in the same position as myself who does similar things to what I have done, from my own perspective, as such, it is highly likely that if you do what I've said you will get fairly good results, and have a core idea of what's up, and this is my objective analysis

if you've noticed it can be quite unflattering, "diplomatic" language hasn't been my strong point, and I figure it's best to put this in language that is natural, so that you can get a clear picture of what one person's opinion of it is, based on your first post

also, something to realize is that many people with ASD can find others overly emotional in ways that make no logical sense over a variety of topics, it has been found by psychologists however that they are in fact rational, as they are "mind games" subconscious powerplays, people with ASD can play them too, but their repertoire can be fairly blunted often so they won't rely on it so much, they are not natural players, and this makes them like a hammer to other people's self esteem, as said mindgames' primary payoff is just that, self esteem resulting from them - subconscious means you won't see it, but someone who is adept at certain kinds of pattern recognition can often, even if they can't describe it


I guess this is the unflattering in depth explanation of likely things, I didn't learn I was on the ASD for a very long time, but knew since I was about 10 what my differences were, I have no theory of mind but I have a very good mind for theoretical psychology I suppose, and again, I've seen a lot of these things, there will always be variance since you cannot convey the full thing in text, but this is the general list of things to look out for, a bit of a full on guide even, covering the majority of it


oh, and if it's something your son is frustrated about or embarrassed about, don't lie about it, just tell them it's not the end of the world and you'll help them figure it out

then allow their questions to direct your answers, don't give advice they didn't specifically ask for generally, and only use "I wouldn't do that if I were you" as a precursor to an explanation such as "I wouldn't put your hand on that stove because it's really gonna hurt" or "I wouldn't stick that fork in the electrical socket because it's really gonna hurt"

notice how the examples I gave are based around physical laws? and not psychological threats of future punitive action? you can give a warning about a group/entity/individual/organization that you' couldn't care less about's actions, because there's no way you could represent their interest

but don't do it "on behalf" of anyone or anything, it should be a literal warning about probable future events that you can't control, pure literalism, use a dictionary and encyclopedia for communication even if you have to (I'm being fully serious) you're talking to the new star trek movie's spock essentially and making radical demands of them, in a reasonably regular environment they'll get "the practice they need" to learn stuff, if you do it too though it'll exhaust them day in day out and nothing gets learned

Last edited by noobler on 19 Oct 2012, 1:29 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Oh god. Sorry sorry sorry. I wasn't trying to talk about my problems. Just that I can speak from experience. I hope something on this forum proves useful to you. Let us know what works, what doesn't. It's best we know if we are giving crap advice.

Good luck.

Brock pleas do not say you are sorry. There are difficulties between two groups of people who process differently. Everyone deserves to feel secure and loved. If we all work together with open minds we can erase some of this miscommunication. We are all just sharing in hopes of making things better.

Noobler I am trying to wrap my head around your post. I am not saying your suggestion is wrong just that it is totally opposite of my "programing" and I am having difficulty getting past my way of thinking on this one. If I read you correctly you were saying treat him as an equal not as my child. Your reasoning makes sense to me. I am having difficulty putting into words what is blocking me on this one. Please help me further if you can.. I would like to try it and if it works then great no problem. But what am I supposed to do with the mouth and attitude? For dishes no problem.. "hey, will you help me out and wash the dishes?" I can see that working but if I take on the role of equal how would I deal with a situation such as bedtime? I have to set a bedtime because he will not go to bed left on his own. He will gladly stay up until 4 in the morning but he has to get up for school at 7 and lack of sleep causes problems for him. The rule is electronics on the table at 9 and lights out at 9:30. However that rule is not good enough. At 9 I have to ask for the electronics and I get an attitude if I let him keep them he stays up all night texting. And he doesn't want to go to bed at 9:30 so I have to remind him of that too. I have accepted he must be told these things so it doesn't frustrate me so I don't raise my voice or act grumpy. Ok... I think I have found the words to explain my thought block. If I am his equal how am I supposed to get him to do the things he flat doesn't want to do. There are some things that in my opinion he just must do weather he likes it or not. There are things I understand he doesn't want to do because he is not yet capeable like folding his clothes. So I altered the chore. He takes the clothes out and sorts them. I go out and start the first load and make sure he has sorted properly (I don't mention when he doesn't I just fix it) then I ask him to rotate loads and bring me the dry stuff which I fold. Every few months I ask him if he will fold those shirts, or the stack of towels what ever. He always gets better but he is not at the point of doing it yet and I don't want to frustrate him. But things like bedtime are non negotiable to me. Advice please!

chores, what's a chore?

chore/CHôr/
Noun:

A routine task, esp. a household one.
An unpleasant but necessary task.


A curfew is an order specifying a time after which certain regulations apply.[1]


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_cycle


“ Timely prediction of seasonal periods of weather conditions, food availability or predator activity is crucial for survival of many species. Although not the only parameter, the changing length of the photoperiod ('daylength') is the most predictive environmental cue for the seasonal timing of physiology and behavior, most notably for timing of migration, hibernation and reproduction.[16]


A: melatonin

B: I'm seriously suspecting I like being up during the night because all these noises from all these people are driving me insane as I type right now and it's almost noon - people on the ASD are still social, and texting is a playing field equalizer, NT's act a lot more like people on the ASD when they type, in fact maybe you could try communicating in texts and see what happens, also light.

C:yeah maybe you have it, I have a parent who probably has aspects of it and they're the one that I was referring to having experiences under, although they're quite sociable so maybe not

oh, here's a thread about sleeping at night on these very forums - it'll probably be helpful, generally it says "light hurts, lots of people and noise sucks"

which would make sense, if you're going to be subjected to massive stimuli at a point in the day you may end up wanting to simply cut off sensations from the outside world as best as you can when it threatens to overwhelm your mind, I've been a night owl since about 14ish in fact, so I'd suggest showing that thread to him, oh and those definitions of things like "curfew" and so on, especially "chore" and be honest, "I know it's a chore, it's unpleasant but it has to be done so that.... XYZ" the way too much noise and weird bodies with odd patterns of behaviour walking around exhaust him, seeing clothes on the floor all over the place exhausts you, and the smell too

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt70125.html


your primary concern should be explaining optimization of the household routines as a function of "good enough" efficiency for functionality, and of course that NT's have certain limitations when it comes to repetition without thinking, and then say "these routines make it easier to do better consistent and constant preparation for the things that enable one to go into the outside world to interact with other individuals for personal gain through cooperative measures, using mutual effort, or the different skills various individuals have based on neurotypical society's traits" "while you may find it difficult to operate in such a society the fact is that there is no other society out there, and there are only pockets of individuals on the autism spectrum (oops I've been using AS-Disorder like I would AS) - as such you will have to make do with the tools that you have available to you, not the ones that you would hypothetically do best with"

one ought to take a look at subtle help can be provided by getting feedback and asking questions to learn more about the situation without making demands, the act of being there asking questions and stuff pushes things to the front of their minds by default

one coping mechanism I've found to occur is that I think of every possible event/thing I can think of and then do side by side comparisons of the various things to the... uhh, situation, event, or whatever it is that has me puzzled, I call it the "godstrat(egy)" because it involves attempting to figure out every little thing something *could be* this allows me to use two things I am good with, my theoretical skills, imagining things, and my pattern recognition and distinction skills, to figure things out - this might be useful, keep this in mind, seriously, cognition about the distinct aspects of how one thinks best is the most important thing around, when I forgot about this because I was making headway with normal social functions, I dropped in grades quickly and other cognitive capacities diminished too, the basis of my functioning had been undermined and I was running on repeat/stasis

it's in quotes because it's what you ought to say word for word maybe

pattern analysis with full data is easy, partial data is hard, learning how to fold clothes the way cats first press a button in conditioning trial experiments with cats (flip out do random things until something happens to work, flip out, do fewer random things, get out a little sooner) and so on, are vital to learning

also, on a whim, something to say

MESSSSYYYYYY, BAAAAAAAAD, CONFUUUUUUUSSSSIIIIIIIIIING

nice clean tidy/neat comforting order

for clothing, and for dishes too, neat freak patterns are great, and the cleanliness means less distractions on bad patterns and so on so on, just reveal the difference by doing what I'm sure came to mind when you read those two ways of saying the words and stuff

do it with the laundry next time, before and after

I mean, to some extent this seems childish, and it probably is, but the trick here is that intellectually people with autism can be very adultlike, but when it comes to the drive aspect of the brain... the central nervous system, it can be very underdeveloped in regards to how others communicate with them, although it's possible that they can intellectually understand the very likely condescending tone of voice, so ... uhh... just tell them flat out that you're adding the tone of voice for emphasis in this case as... well I can't remember the word for it, it's not onomatopoeia it's more like, if you uttered the word "BLEGH/BLECH/UGH" the tone dictates the feeling at a visceral/basic level, and the word does too at an intellectual level, so it's dual association, done simplistically to overcome the mind blindness issues and that you recognize that at an intellectual level they understand fully, but you're trying to emphasize the "gut feeling" aspect of it - and you know, it's kinda hard to do when you're unable to use the skillset you pretty much have always been able to use intuitively and just beginning to use a different one

You are very helpful!

A. Never thought of it

B. Light... makes sense. He prefers to leave the lights off in his room even while drawing and writing stories. I only require it on for homework and then only because it is illegable if done with no light. He has started doing it before it gets dark out so he solved that issue on his own.

Since texting and getting facebook he has blossomed socially and I do my best to only remove those things from him for extream reasons and then for short periods of time. An hour, the rest of the day etc. And texting chores is a great idea. It works when I am at work and I send him one and tell him to text me back when done. I also tell him to not text anyone while doing the chore and based on how long it takes him I would say that he doesn't. Oddly if I am at home and verbally tell him I have to take the phone or he will do it any way.. hummmm.. I think you are brilliant!!

When school is out I let him determine his own sleep patterns.

C. Do you feel that way based on how I write? Somenone on a post said that I write like an Aspie and on another post someone thought I should consider the possibility that I am. My way of writing it two part. First, I am wanting responses from people who are AS. I try to ask my questions and make statements as literal as possible for ease in our communication. The other reason is I am dislexic. Also a misunderstood "condition" if you will. Although it is a processing issue there are ways to work around it. My best example is a multiplication table. Most people know the answer by rote memory. But say 6X7.. for me it is 6X5+5+2. I learned these "tricks" because I am very brite but was treated as stupid. My job is very complicated but I do it by feel. I don't like being asked how to do a part of it by my coworkers because if I am not at that part I sound like an idiot. I know how to do it when I get there but I don't need that information right now so I can't always transfer my knowledge inot words and get it correct. At the same time I am very good at my job. On the plus side I often appear to "know" things I should have no way of knowing. Intuitive... which really only means I pick up on small details that normall go unnoticed. With out knowing it conciously I gather information and piece it together then have AH HA moments. So for example, I have always over explained things to my son because I knew he needed it but it was not until he was 10 did I AH HA I was laying in the hospital with my 1 day old baby. I looked at her and thought.. hummm... you look like a baby but not like an infant and BAM!! ! OHHHHH my son is AS. It happens with a lot of things. However when someone tells me something it has to be complete I don't fill in the pieces well and I tend to write a bit longwinded to give all the details to others... over explain.. Other than that type of processing I pick up on body language, implication, facial expressions. I am very social and am chatty. I don't like "pending change" but once it is upon me I adapt easily with out stress. I do like alone time to think but I can do well in noise. I just shut it out. I was a great waitress because I could take an order at one table, shut out the regular racket and still her another of my tables say "hey, when she walks by ask her for some bread" I do well in "organized chaos" I don't obsess and I don't retain fine details for immediate recall if I am not activly dealing with that situation. So if you ask me about something I did last week I need to think on it and pull up clues to complete the picture then I remember... so I am awful in verbal debate as I can't back up my opinions with proof quickly. However if I make an appointment for 6 months from now I wont forget it and if you ask me to do something next week on Thursday I will. Best explanation for it is those are still responsibilities so I have not put them away yet lol

and AHH HAAA!! ! Seriously... I can be a little slow at times. While commenting on someone elses post it occured to me. I am so programed in my thinking. I am trying to bend my son to the rules I am familar with when it is not possible for him. What is illogical for a NT child can be completely logical for AS and the reverse as well.

Re: dishwashing

That's a good idea. You can even go as far as drawing a dirty dish on the board, and having him erase the dirty part when his dish is clean.

Also, have you gotten him dish gloves? He may have an aversion to touching dirty dishes (like I do).

hummm... never thought of that!