19 Oct 2012, 2:28 pm
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20 Oct 2012, 7:36 am
20 Oct 2012, 10:49 am
Joe90 wrote:
I love this thread! 
I wouldn't say I'm either poor or brilliant, there are grey shades too, even with NTs. But the forms of social interaction/cues that I feel I am generally OK at are:-
-Laughing at a joke/knowing when somebody's joking
-Making eye contact (I can't make eye contact with strangers I pass in the street, but when I'm talking to someone or am around people who I will get to talk to like at a new job, then I can easily make fair eye contact)
-Showing/expressing emotions
-Recognising people's body language and other non-verbal cues - by instinct
-Having one-to-one conversations with somebody (with more than one I can find quite difficult, like speaking up in groups)
-Using tone of voice, unless I'm a bit nervous of the person I'm talking to, but I think a lot of people are like that anyways
-Listening well to what the other person is saying/having ''open ears'' where I can always sense when somebody is talking to me (most Aspies say they have ''selective hearing'', in which I don't, I hear everything every time somebody says something to me, which is why people find me so easy to talk to, even if I am engaged in a TV programme and someone suddenly speaks to me, I immediately hear them and respond)
-I can cotton on to what other people are saying easily, sometimes even get what they're on about before they stop
-I don't interrupt people mid-sentence, unless it's an emergancy
-I can recognise people's faces
-I have empathy. Well, ''selective empathy'' if you will, but doesn't everybody have that, unless you're like Ned Flanders?
-I can lie easily to save somebody's feelings (tell little white lies, not big stupid unnecessary lies)
This may sound like it's everything and that I needn't say I have any social difficulties, but that is not true. I am very shy, and have social anxiety as well as AS. This makes it hard for me to join in group conversations. I also find it hard to engage in conversations with people I have just met. Also I sometimes slip out stupid things what makes others think I'm a bit odd, which I hate myself for. Also, although I can recognise body language with other people, I don't think I give off the right body language myself in certain situations; I think I stand very awkwardly and look very nervous a lot of the time.
I wouldn't say I'm either poor or brilliant, there are grey shades too, even with NTs. But the forms of social interaction/cues that I feel I am generally OK at are:-
-Laughing at a joke/knowing when somebody's joking
-Making eye contact (I can't make eye contact with strangers I pass in the street, but when I'm talking to someone or am around people who I will get to talk to like at a new job, then I can easily make fair eye contact)
-Showing/expressing emotions
-Recognising people's body language and other non-verbal cues - by instinct
-Having one-to-one conversations with somebody (with more than one I can find quite difficult, like speaking up in groups)
-Using tone of voice, unless I'm a bit nervous of the person I'm talking to, but I think a lot of people are like that anyways
-Listening well to what the other person is saying/having ''open ears'' where I can always sense when somebody is talking to me (most Aspies say they have ''selective hearing'', in which I don't, I hear everything every time somebody says something to me, which is why people find me so easy to talk to, even if I am engaged in a TV programme and someone suddenly speaks to me, I immediately hear them and respond)
-I can cotton on to what other people are saying easily, sometimes even get what they're on about before they stop
-I don't interrupt people mid-sentence, unless it's an emergancy
-I can recognise people's faces
-I have empathy. Well, ''selective empathy'' if you will, but doesn't everybody have that, unless you're like Ned Flanders?
-I can lie easily to save somebody's feelings (tell little white lies, not big stupid unnecessary lies)
This may sound like it's everything and that I needn't say I have any social difficulties, but that is not true. I am very shy, and have social anxiety as well as AS. This makes it hard for me to join in group conversations. I also find it hard to engage in conversations with people I have just met. Also I sometimes slip out stupid things what makes others think I'm a bit odd, which I hate myself for. Also, although I can recognise body language with other people, I don't think I give off the right body language myself in certain situations; I think I stand very awkwardly and look very nervous a lot of the time.
Consider yourself a lucky Aspie. You don't know it yet, but you have a lot of social skills, even if you don't know you have. I assume you get blue about it because you have all these social skills but your shyness and social phobia holds you back from actually realising them.
This is why it will always help to write things down. You might not know what you've got until you round all the good points together and write them down, even if it doesn't sound realistic when you think of yourself in general everyday life.
As you get older, perhaps past 30, you'll probably start to think differently about yourself and learn not to feel so miserable about what you haven't got.
20 Oct 2012, 11:33 am
conundrum
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Age: 45
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20 Oct 2012, 12:10 pm
20 Oct 2012, 2:57 pm
btbnnyr
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Gender: Female
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20 Oct 2012, 3:18 pm
emimeni
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Joined: 28 Sep 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,065
Location: In my bed, on my laptop
20 Oct 2012, 9:36 pm
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