Inappropriate comments anyone?

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This is actually one of my biggest problems.

I have no verbal filter, and I usually don't realize that what I just said offended someone.

I've been in trouble for it on more than one occasion in the military.

When my husband tells me or when people laugh. Or when people get pissed at me but how do I know it's not them with the problem? I see to be offending this one girl at work always just by her tone of voice but I don't see what I am saying is wrong. I am not putting her down or anyone else nor am I insulting anybody. She just gets offended when I am ignorant about something like not knowing who a person was or the time I said about the Titanic "lot of survivors didn't talk about it so it must have been very tragic for them, they didn't tell their kids about it, their partners, their friends, no one" and she went like "Seeing 1500 people die, wouldn't you be traumatized by it, seeing all those people die and freeze to death and being in pain?"

I also know you can say something but it can be inappropriate because of the situation you said it in. But in other situations it be okay to say it. My husband often has to tell me don't say this or that. Don't tell anyone this or that. Mom was talking to me about my husband and she had to tell me it was between the both of us and I am not to repeat it to him or else he may think she doesn't like him and he may have a hard time being around her and trusting her. But even NTs repeat what people told them about someone. They will go to that person and blab to them what you said about them behind their backs. Apparently it's okay to talk about someone and then it's not okay to talk about someone and I just can't tell the difference. That is just an example of how something can be appropriate but then in other situations it's not appropriate. In my mom's situation it was appropriate for her but it would have been inappropriate for me to say it. She says it's not something you can teach someone. I also read it on here too by an NT except it was about something else and it was over social cues about when it's okay to take over a conversation.

I once got into trouble when I made a comment about a woman who was covered with tattoos as if she were a freak or something. According to neurotypicals someone cannot be a freak as long as everyone is doing it. Even if everyone in the whole world had tattoos they would still look like freaks to me. Since then I have learned that I would not refuse to date someone if they had a tattoo because that would be a superficial reason but they would probably refuse to date me if they knew how i felt about it.

I also say "Knock someone up" and I find it hilarious. Why is it so wrong to say it?

I also don't understand why "gruesome" is such a terrible word. Why is it so horrible to say?

I get into trouble when I criticize my relatives television. My sister in law paid a lot for her new high definition television but all her television programs were in low definition which looked awful so I offered to fix her television and she got offended.

From what I've observed in myself and other aspies is that we've somehow missed getting the BS gene. I got into trouble for telling the truth more times than I can count. It went something like this: "You must always tell the truth and never lie! Or you will be punished because God hates a liar!" (this was my mother talking) Then I hear her on the phone one day telling her boss she's sick and can't come into work. She then tells me "If my boss calls today, tell him I'm in bed sleeping." Then she went on about her non-sick day. Boss did call and I couldn't tell him she was in bed sleeping because I was too angry at her hypocrisy, so I said instead "She doesn't want to come to the phone." Mommy dearest got very angry at me for NOT lying. Nothing I could say would make her less angry because it pointed out her hypocrisy. I think most NT's are like this and I don't frankly see much value in conforming to that kind of irrational behavior.

Most of the situations other memebers are telling us about, the NT's are being irrational and I won't play that game.

I don't know if this counts but I don't know when something shouldn't be repeated and I think that counts as making inappropriate comments? I'm trying my best but every now and again I let something slip which is supposed to be a secret or something you are not supposed to say and get in trouble for that. Luckily my friends are understanding and have given me guidelines which is awesome because I'm an awful liar s it stops me from realising a mistake too late.

I have trouble with this, too. Mostly with my sister, but it's happened with others. Something is said to me, which I might repeat, not knowing that "It was said in confidence". I've been in several arguments with my sister about this. It's really frustrating. I finally just said what was on my mind, which is if you tell me something in confidence, you should let me know I shouldn't share it. In my sisters case I really feel that I repeated something she regreted saying, and rather than take responsibility for saying something that was unkind of whatever, it's easier to get mad at me for sharing something that was "said in confidence". The lack of honesty and frankly the blatant duplicity of some NT's gets harder to deal with every year. I just have no tolerance for it any more.

I keep blurting out inappropriate comments lately. I think it's because I have gotten more chatty at work, so I don't give myself enough time to think before I say things.

Today at work I was filling my glass up with water from the kitchen tap, and it was trickling out really slowly and taking a long time to fill the glass up. So I jokingly said, "hurry up - my piss comes out quicker than this!" My supervisor was in the same room and I thought he'd laugh, but instead he said, "that's information overload!" and changed the subject. Before you say that's an embarrassing thing to say with a man present, let me just explain that he has a dirty mind and has often come out with worse things than that in front of me before, and I always just took it as a joke. Plus I didn't literally mean what I said, it was just that I heard that before used as an expression, so I said it in a jokey tone of voice. Anyway, it's not like I revealed anything really private, because everyone pees.

All
the
time!!

The worse thing about it is we don't usually even know we've done it until much later, if at all, or unless somebody points it out - and even then, it can be argued that we were just being open and saying our minds.

Short comments are actually not too bad. When you start veering into inappropriate topics altogether, that's much worse.

All I can say is try to consciously think before you open your mouth. Say the sentence in your head first. If it's REALLY bad, think the sentence, consciously count to 3, and if you still think it's fine then say it. The result might be somewhat slower conversation but if you smile and act like you are working on something else at the same time it won't be that noticeable.

OR, you just say you have Aspergers.

People with Tourette's are in a much worse position, so be thankful for that. Although sometimes I envied my Tourette's friend...

I tend to make inappropriate jokes too but for me it's joking about things that are quite serious and making people uncomfortable. You just reminded me because reading this reminded me of when a fellow aspie in my new school very suddenly dropped a dark joke about depression and therapy which threw me off. Funnily enough I realised that I do the same thing by accident because for me such dark things are an everyday part of life. Also remembered I accidentally overshare a lot. It sounds obvious now but a few years ago it seemed perfectly acceptable to talk to people you kinda know about how your family member recently went to jail.

Yes. I will spare you the details. My co-worker shook his head at me furiously and silently. I didn't apologize. I was sick of the painful loss I had been hiding. That said, I could have explained it better.

Before my diagnosis I used to be unintentionally rude or say inappropriate things quite often, and then when I was lectured about it afterwards I'd wonder why I was always doing that and feel really bad. After my diagnoses I don't do it much anymore.
Now I'm *deliberately* rude and inappropriate.

I went to a new Vietnamese restaurant tonight with one of my kids. When I got home I recounted the experience to my wife including when I was paying at the register when I asked the Vietnamese woman for a receipt because she didn't give me one and I collect my receipts. I was telling my wife what the woman told me as to why she couldn't give me one and that I should take a picture of the lone receipt with my phone.

I was imitating the woman's accent when I retold the story to my wife and my wife said I shouldn't do that. I was not making fun of the woman. I was talking like she sounded just as I would if I was imitating someone's gruff, soft, southern drawl or any other type of accent or sound of a voice. I guess the way I said what I said could be misconstrued as inappropriate even though that was not my intent.

@lostonearth35, I thought about writing a separate post on exactly that. All these books say the Aspie doesn't know that the NT is bored, or the Aspie doesn't know the NT is uncomfortable, or the Aspie doesn't know this or that. But I know. Like you, I do it anyways. So am I not Aspie?

Example from book my NT husband is reading: Aspie partner is talking "forever" on a topic and NT partner leaves the room to indicate that topic should change, when the NT returns, the Aspie continues the topic oblivious to the NT's non-verbal communication.

I read this and was horrified. I clarified for the husband - oh, heck, no: I know exactly what you are doing when you leave the room and it's disrespectful. So I will either continue the conversation or you can be considerate and explicitly ask me to stop. Just b/c I don't abide by non-verbal communication doesn't mean I don't understand it. Of course I wouldn't be surprised if my husband came back and said "I was just adding a stray sock to the washing machine, geez." LOL

Definitely! I once made a risqué comment to a member of the mental health team I used to be under . I thought I was being funny . She reported me to my care coordinator . It got to be known I wasn't good with boundaries .