How do I Accept Myself?

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The key for me is not caring what others think.

I was a driven, highly self-critical, self-berating/perfectionist, with low self-esteem, however, I have managed to improve in some of these areas by gaining Self-Acceptance.

Self-acceptance is a journey, which I began over 20 years ago and I'm not yet quite finished, but I've come a long way!

I have invested a huge amount of time and energy, reflecting, writing and analysing myself and my life (plus, getting professional input from Counsellor and Psychologist).

The most significant growth in my Self-Acceptance came when I started to really understand myself and my life. This Self-Understanding came with my diagnosis of Asperger's. My Asperger's traits/impairments explained - my past (why/how I was involved in damaging situations/environments/relationships, plus, my behaviours in these), and also my other secondary conditions/disorders (that are interwined with, or, by-products of my Asperger's). So with my Self-Understanding came Self-Forgiveness, and thus, Self-Acceptance flowed from that. That's my journey.



Firstly, stop BLAMING yourself for EVERYTHING that goes WRONG in your life. "Blame" is very negative/critical so refrain from using it, instead, consider what you are "RESPONSIBLE" for.

Plus, you are probably not the only component in EVERYTHING that goes wrong in your life. (i.e. other external factors -people/environment/situation also play a part)

Furthermore, search out and focus on what is GOOD in your life and how you contributed to that, your input/qualities etc.



Maybe re-evaluate, what it is truly want?, what does make you happy? and then pursue these.

Lastly, try to view your life through a postive and non-judgemental lens.

Earlier in my 20ies i had no self esteem because of all the problems i always had. (Hard to find friends... - "Am I such monster, that noones wants to share time with me?" - "Why do I always act so freaky?" - "Why have all other people fun around here and I can only pretend to do so, so that I dont ruin the others day?" - and so on...) I pushed myself into work, because there i could be perfect. No eye contact, so social chitchat, but 100% correct work...and welcomed my burnout some years later. With a doctor we found out, that i´ve been so obsessed with my work, because that was a part of my life i felt to be the only one I was not always failing and wrong. The only part to give me self esteem and wehre other people did not critism me but tell me: "He, well done. This is perfect!"

My father was very harsh and had some problems on his own. The problem is, when you are a kid, you believe the world is as your parents tell you. Thats normal, even if your parents are crazy. Then you believe their crazy world sight.

My dad had big issues with his self esteem on his own. He is forced to act in front of others perfectly, so others refer to him as perfectly, and by telling him how perfect he seems to be, he is able to "allow himself" to feel self esteem, because the others tell him to be good, pushing away his own doubts about himself for some moments, allowing himself to feel happy.

Unfortunately, as my parent, he also felt himself responsible for my behaviour, making my mistakes his own, so making me responsible when he felt himself unhappy because of me being not perfect, but him being the unperfect fahter of the unperfect child. So every mistake was a HUGE catasrophy for him,, even things when other people just thought that it was a bit obscure but just funny, for him it was doomsday, because it was responsible that people did not tell him how perfect he was, so because of his illness, that meant for him he had to feel like sh** and i was responsible for him for himself feeling like useless sh**.

And when your parents tell you, that every mistake you make is the first step to world ending, is proof oy your uselessness and so on,you also believe that.

So we worked out, when i was older, in therapy, if all "the terrible mistakes" i do, responsible for myself having no self esteem beside my wiork, are really that terrible.

And i learned to see through my old, educated habbits, seeing every failure automatically as huge mistake gnagnagna... but to see it from a "Math side" if you want it.

Yeah, maybe i am doing many mistakes in social ways from now and then? And? Is someone hurted because of that? Is anyone affected in a negative way because of me hanging around at home, doing my hobbies? Is someone dying on cancer because of me reading Mickey Mouse comics with 33? ^^ Will someone suffer in hell because of myself often not sensing other people, while centered in my own thoughts, not greeting them, not making eye contact and so on? Too most people its just funny, so why bother of me if i am satans breed, because of such complete nonsense? ^^

Yes. I am absolutely NOT perfect. But there is nothing more about it. And not being perfect is nothing i have to be ashamed of. Being an as*hole, i would have to be ashamed about myself. But just being a normal person, making more or less normal mistakes... its absolutely ok. (And not the end of the world. ^^)

And mybe there are real bad mistakes you did. (Stealing, Cheating, beating other people....) Even in this case the worst thing you can do is hang around and suffer "Uiuiuiui ... i am such a bad person..." because hanging around crying changes nothing and means you dont really regret it, because then you would focus to change that, not on self suffering. So as long as you are a normal person, making pretty normal mistakes from time to time and really working on your really bad habbits, you are trying to live your life the most responsible way you can do.

Yes, i am not a party hero and all that. ^^ But i´m a good person, trying to live peacefully with others. Sure there are things, that i did wrong. But blaming me does not help a thing, thinking about how to make things better next time, does.

The most significant growth in my Self-Acceptance came when I started to really understand myself and my life. This Self-Understanding came with my diagnosis of Asperger's. My Asperger's traits/impairments explained - my past (why/how I was involved in damaging situations/environments/relationships, plus, my behaviours in these), and also my other secondary conditions/disorders (that are interwined with, or, by-products of my Asperger's). So with my Self-Understanding came Self-Forgiveness, and thus, Self-Acceptance flowed from that. That's my journey...

...Maybe re-evaluate, what it is truly want?, what does make you happy? and then pursue these.

Lastly, try to view your life through a postive and non-judgemental lens.

Once we quit caring what others think, it's like being liberated from some form of slavery.