Why did I not earlier ask why I am different?

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Yes, I think this is really insightful. Not only are we unable to understand the way NT people think and perceive things, they are also unable to understand the way we think and perceive things, and so over and over again we are told by everyone around us that we are the ones who are just "not doing it right". So we just keep trying over and over.

I am also grappling with the OP's question at the moment. I am 31 and am just coming to terms with the way I match up perfectly with the description of AS, and there is a lot of retrospective examining of my life going on. Now that I know, I can see all the symptoms there from the beginning, but not knowing AS existed meant that it never occurred to me to link those symptoms together. For example, what could sensory issues, obsessive interests and social difficulties possibly have to do with one another, unless you know that a condition exists in which these things always coincide? There's no way anyone who hadn't come across autism spectrum disorders would make the connection, they'd just see them as separate things.

In my case it's also the fact that I had a very isolated life - I was never able to establish relationships with others so no one came into my life who hadn't started there (eg my parents) and the people in the latter category were used to the way I was so I suppose they didn't question it. I was 29 before anyone explained to me that I was supposed to make eye contact when I spoke to people. I had never done it and no one had ever mentioned it so I had no idea. People thought I was strange, but no one had ever enlightened me as to why, so how could I know? I couldn't compare my experiences to others because I had only experienced mine.

Lack of self awareness, as others said, is another big one. It's only in the last few years that I began to become more conscious of my differences and difficulties because of an employment situation which forced me to examine them and find solutions or find myself in financial jeopardy (if I hadn't found myself in that situation, I'd probably still be bumbling along cluelessly right now). Before that, I was always very confused by life, and it feels like I spent my life being buffeted around by other people and situations and just trying my best to cope, without having much control over what was going on because I didn't understand it.

Still, be glad that you have figured it out when you have instead of even later, and just do what you can with the knowledge right now - that's all any of us can do.

yes..... its 'our fault' for not recognising it in ourselves earlier...

hahahahahhahaha personal responsibility gone mad

My mother explained that one to me when I was rather young:

I'm different because I'm smart and they're stupid.
It is all quite simple.

(I think she now regrets teaching me that.)

After years of failing in social situations, being shunned by people and blaming them one day one is left with no one and one starts thinking.."oh they all cant be asses..maybe something is wrong with me?"
Then you start looking for answers

wanna bet??

That right there... is bollocks.
The ad populum fallacy, to be precise.

The reality of the situation is that "blame" and "fault" in this case are non-existent. There exists only an incompatibility between one mode and the other. And at no stage does that ever imply that one need submit and comply with THEIR ways just because they're the majority.
Keep fighting back. Not because of right or wrong, but simply because existence is competitive and you're the only one who will fight for your way.
You either win, or you die, but you owe it to yourself to try because if you don't then you're denying yourself.

Well this is fine. But when the battlefield makes no sense and whatever one does seems wrong, it just leads to unnecessary stress. I am not even considering whether other people look at my struggle or not. I have to live with this and since I do not like something about myself it is better to look at the root cause and try to change it for MYSELF.

P.S Ok i got carried away by the battlefield metaphor.but i like it and i am going to leave it there.

Well, hindsight is 20/20...I used to ask how I didn't know my son had Aspergers because now it's as clear as the nose on his face but you don't know what you don't know. It took several professionals pushing me to take my son to developmental paediatrician because his kinder teacher and his speech therapist both thought he had it but by law, weren't allowed to speculate because they aren't qualified to diagnose. When my husband and I sat in the paediatrician's office talking about our son's development for 45 minutes straight, it's very difficult not to realise that what we were talking about was autism.