How do people with AS cope with isolation?

Post Reply New Topic

The Internet makes me feel connected to the rest of the world and then I don't get lonely no matter how isolated I am.

I'm alright in isolation, even without the Internet, as long as I have a back-log of media to entertain me...

HOWEVER... once I run out of books, anime, films, games, etc.... THEN the sh!t really starts to hit the fan and I need SOMETHING new or I start dismantling my own body for entertainment, and I've been told I really shouldn't do that by pretty much all the few friends I have.



(Random trivia: When I was a teenager, my mother used to PAY me to go out and socialise... or at least she'd try. Most of the time I'd just decline the cash and go back to the Internet. Once or twice I consented when an inviting opportunity arose... and I tolerated the people around.)

I'm actually okay with isolation a lot of the time, but it does get lonely sometimes. My stuffed animals and die cast Cars are great company, tho, and I still see my parents a lot and chat on the phone with my aunt.

How do NTs cope with being around so many people?

I have some difficulties surrounding this topic.

I am most comfortable alone. Being in the presence of other people makes me uncomfortable and nervous. I feel like my personal space is being invaded when I am in a room with others. I do not want to develop friendships or romantic relations. However, I have many fears and obsessive thoughts related to losing my independence and having to rely on others for help. My OCD consists of a series of fears about the reliability of household utilities and transportation. If any one of those things fails to work, I must rely on others to assist me in fixing the broken utility or allowing me to borrow their's (whether that be water, hot water, electricity, gas, refrigeration/food storage, transport, phone, internet access). I think that modern society is too fragile. So many things can break. It terrifies me. Because I need those things. If they break, i must then interact with people.

I think that it might be beneficial for me to get a pet animal of some kind. But I am concerned that the animal will only add another set of concerns of its safety and health in addition to my own.

Yes, my mother did that to me as well. Not money, though. Entertainment related bribes. "I will rent you a videogame if you bring a friend to the house to play it with." Things like that. It hurt, truth be told. She was tacitly implying that the way I interacted with people was wrong. It confused me. Made me feel bad. My mother made me feel bad about a lot of things I did when I was a child. She obviously knew something was wrong and decided the best way to "fix" it was to bully me into NT behaviour. I suppose it figures I didn't find out I was autistic until I went to see a doctor about suicidal depression last year.

...sorry. I didn't intend that to turn into a rant.

Thankyou everyone for the feed back..i see that some people like to be on there own ...that's OK if it makes you happy..but for me i would love to have some kind of company..just would make life that little bit better.

My AS causes me a lot of problems..interaction being the biggest problem...hate groups of people so can't go into these kind of situations without feeling masive stress...so what to do? i am taking a course at home to fill in the time..but it's not about that!
For me it's about feeling you have a life..and right now i don't
If i could overcome some of the issues that my AS causes then maybe things would be better,i am not one of the aspies with the high IQ ..in fact struggle a lot just to try and overcome a lot of my problems.

Isolation for me is awful..i do have family..but not the same as having that someone around to watch a good movie with that's not a family member would be nice.
Its the lonely feeling of closing your door and being on your own that i hate!....while everyone else around seems to be living i feel that i am dying inside with being on my own....... I would love to overcome my isolation and escape into living!

isolation isnt really something i need to tolerate, i enjoy it, well at least 90% of the time,
now what i really need to tolerate is being forced out of that isolation at the schedule of others, so far i have avoided it to some extent but we all have responsibilities.

I end up compromising my standards on the type of people I let into my life, in order to have more people to talk to, and invariably end up regretting it.

I either tolerate disrespect then eventually lose my temper when I reach my limits with it or feel bored and fed up and vacillate endlessly between the two stances.

I do not know what loneliness feels like. I much prefer being alone.

I can relate to the OP.

I am not completely alone physically all the time. I have a job and work with people. But that doesn't mean I am not alone in a true sense. I sense everyone is uncomfortable around me and vice versa. I don't have a friend. I don't connect with anyone. I know people are making fun of me behind my back. It's very stressful and I feel resentment towards most of them.

I do sometimes enjoy my solitary time, reading, relaxing etc. But I really do want a friend whom I can mutually understand, be comfortable with and trust. I'm sure if I had a friend, I would truly appreciate and enjoy being alone sometimes. But because I don't have a friend and am pretty much always alone, I feel utterly lonely and it's an awful feeling. I worry a lot about my lonely future. And me, too, I have a caring family - my parents and siblings (I don't live with them), but it's not the same as having friends. Not having friends makes me feel worthless. It might be a self-esteem issue. If I could feel I am somehow worthwhile, I would probably not care much about being alone or not. I envy those who say they are happy to live a completely solitary life.

I don't mind isolation and prefer it to too much interaction with people. I like to immerse myself in writing, reading or other special interests, which seem to pass the time quite quickly. I have some limited communication with people online but even that can get to be too much at times.

I can relate to the way you feel about isolation, lonelyguy. For me this is a transient feeling that wavers between too much and too little connectivity with others. Fortunately for me, there are people in my life: my wife and other family members as well as a couple friends, acquaintences and coworkers I see the odd time. The fact of the matter is that, overall, I prefer to keep social occasions to a minimum. As many here would attest, too much socializing can be overwhelming and exhausting. On the other hand, too little contact can be depressing. Each of us has a sort of personal 'Goldilocks zone' for socialization.

Some would suggest you use the isolation as an opportunity to delve deep into hobbies like recreational learning, music, reading, writing or art. No doubt, isolation affords us the chance to become highly skilled in areas of interest. While popular folks are out there fraternizing with their buddies, loners can be using the time to be productive and accomplished. Of course that's not much consolation since we are still human. Even if we do get satisfaction from personal endeavors, I expect most of us want to share them with others.

Thank goodness for the Internet. Could you imagine experiencing this kind of isolation in the pre-Internet days? At least we get some kind interaction on forums like this. It's reassuring to be able to exchange thoughts and feelings with others even if the others reside in distant locales. That said, even enduring Internet correspondences can be elusive.

Sorry you're going through a hard time with this!

I think I'm neurotypical but with severe social anxiety disorder and social problems, and I haven't had any friends in about 16 years. It's weird when I go to exercise classes at the YMCA and during short breaks during the exercise class everyone around me in the class will talk to at least one other person, and I'm the only person standing alone, not talking to anyone else. It makes me feel very weird and abnormal. That's the biggest reason I don't like attending exercise classes, is because of the social aspect of it, which reminds me how "different'" I am from "normal" people. Ugh. Anyway, usually I'm ok with isolation because I've been this way for many years and I'm used to it.

I can not live alone.
I like to live with someone who is clean and organized, My wife is my caretaker, keeps me together.
But sometimes she doesn't want to talk about the topic I'm interested in at the time.
Or I get frustrating trying to explain it in a way she can understand.
My kids have AS so that makes life easier too.

I often wonder why she sticks around?
Is that what empathy is? or is she just nuts too

How much of a difference between your IQ and your wife's?
Our difference is several SD.
I face the EXACT situation as you...lol...crazy-making for sure.

After what I have been through I love the isolation there is no trouble, personal situations, no drama its great. I love living alone with no contact with anyone for days.