What do you really think of you?

Post Reply New Topic

I don't worry about what others think of me. I see myself as a very unique and interesting person.

I can only know what other people think of me if they tell me. They don't, so I don't know.

I am kind of meh when it comes to me. Not super-negative as I used to be, just basically neutral.

I was very much the laughingstock and scapegoat as a child and was led to believe it was my own fault so i had no self esteem. I never recovered from that so i still think of myself as a loser.

At a deep down level, I have long thought of myself a some kind of monster doing its best to play at fitting in as an upstanding human being. Yes, that probably sounds over dramatic and no, the thought is not at the top of my mind 24x7. Still, it is always down there.

As a teenager, it felt like there was some fundamental part of being a human being that I simply lacked. Like I was broken inside. Then as an adult after much introspection i thought that I obviously must be a phycopath, sociopath or schizophrenic (which does not = monster but was my interpretation of that sense).

As for how others think of me, I would guess maybe quirky quiet control freak who is often polite but then suddenly rude. I could be way off though - not a good question for spectrum folk I suppose with the whole ToM thing.

I think I am a good person who has a lot of problems.

I see myself as an ok person in myself but in relation to other people, many have treated me with such disrespect over my adult life that it has damaged me and made me angry and intolerant of people in general. I see this as mainly society's fault and as a result if I do end up killing someone it won't be totally my fault.

I think I'm more intelligent than the average person but it's meaningless if people don't want to know you so I use my intelligence to try and live as good a life as I can but I'm afraid if an opportunity to hammer someone who treats me with disrespect into the ground (metaphorically speaking) comes along I often take it, as such anger has built up in me at the unfairness of how people have treated me when I've done nothing bad to them.

I know this isn't healthy but I don't seem able to be any other way - at least I recognise my own faults and I try to mitigate for them by generally avoiding people.

I'm generally a kind, sensitive, helpful and very loyal person in my opinion but when you've been kicked in the teeth too many times you either go under or develop a defence strategy and I'd say mine is workable as I'm still here!

I try and put something back into society by giving to charity and getting involved in community and politically-related things online and sometimes via consultation meetings ie I try to engage with people in structured situations as unstructured groups don't work for me.

I don't think I get anywhere near the recognition I should for my intellect and originality of thought but can see this is how life is and that I'm probably more average than I think. I still think I have skills many others don't though but that I don't get the chance to use them due to my neurological deficiencies which mean I'm no good at maths, physics etc. and I can't think quickly enough so people seem to see me as a bit slow. Perhaps I am but I defy them to go through all I have and make the same achievements such having your own house and being in employment for most of my adult life. Most would be dead or in prison by now - I can guarantee it!

I mainly pride myself on being me though and not changing for anyone.