Have you ever got tired of living?

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?Unfortunately yes, and feeling closer to it every day now

Yes, just too many problems to overcome....

I often get tired of the constant fight to function. I dream of retiring to a small quiet bit of land where I can spend the rest of my days gardening, reading and gaming. Hubby and I have been reevaluating our priorities, and have decided we would prefer food security over traditional "success". The only thing we can't go off-grid with is Internet, but I am convinced that we can get by with DSL. We may need to get two connections into the house for our gaming, but that would still only be what we are currently paying for our cable Internet now.

Many times, but never in the sense of committing suicide, more that I want to sleep a lot and when I have to be awake I escape into my fantasy world. The older I get, the longer these phases.

As I get older, I think it's interesting that there are no milestones left. When I was younger, I was always distracted by having to meet some milestone (graduate from school, finish college, get a job, etc) that segmented my life into blocks of time with a beginning, middle, and end. Each one was a struggle, but with a definite end when I could say I accomplished it and it was over. Now that I'm older, I don't have any more milestones in life. The cohort of people my age continued to have milestones, but ones I won't ever participate in. Almost like at a certain age, my life just stopped. Now, I still struggle along, but... it's more like a war of attrition with no real goals or defined milestones to reach.

Hey I know ive asked this before and didnt get a response so i guess you're probably not interested, but i live in Essex and am looking to make more friends, Im also about as shy a they come too and know what you mean when you say its hard to do for people like us. Chuck me a PM sometime and maybe we can meet up.

Anyway, back on topic, yeah I get like this often. I kind of believe in reincarnation after death, so sometimes I get in the mindset where I really want this life to end so I can move on to the next one and enjoy being a kid again, with the hope of a better adult life too, with more friends, more fun, etc. I doubt I would ever go through with ending my own life though.

Im also one of those people who deals with depression by shutting myself away for long periods until i feel up to dealing with society again. I know it makes my family worried when I sink into myself, but its a much favorable option to ending it all.

The winter months are always the worst, Im pretty sure I get seasonal affective disorder. From October to March im usually in a constant state of deep dark depression. Why is it that winter seems to last forever and summer blinks by in an instant

Last edited by roccoslife on 17 Nov 2012, 3:40 pm, edited 4 times in total.

I would be happy with a terminal illness

If you're working, you do still have one milestone left: retirement *evil grin*

I pretty much think about killing myself almost every day.

However curiosity keeps me going. I just think there is too much that might happen.

Yes. Holding motivation to keep going for one more day is a constant struggle. Therapy helps. Meds help more. One day at a time.

Briefly, during the time right after the divorce, the layoff, and the eviction.

Other than that, no.

I feel like this pretty much all the time. My life just seems a constant, pathetic struggle, without any enjoyment. Sometimes it gets worse, like now, but I'm constantly wishing that I could fall asleep and not wake up. I don't have the motivation or decisiveness to make it happen though.

I am so so tired.

Life is too long.

I used to, rather often. Medication has helped.

I have got tired of living more times than I care to remember. I still go through periods like that.

I see life as battle I just have to go through before it finally ends. The only thing that worries me is the way in which my life might but I see the fact that I don't have to be on this earth for all eternity as a major relief and as a consolement. Being a human being is not the exactly most prolific thing in the world in my opinion and I don't feel the need to be part of that global human community I detest to the core of my being. This may seem horrible and nasty but that's the way it is for me.

Me too with the 'milestones' thing. First I had my musical career. That went south when I got married and had kids. But the wife left, then the kids grew up and moved on. So my father got sick and I had him to take care of for a few years. But he's been dead now for almost two years, and I have to say that now I have no purpose at all.

I think I was the happiest when I was raising my kids. I had a purpose. Even taking care of my father gave me a reason to get up every morning. Now I have no real reason to do anything beyond bringing in enough money to keep the wolf from the door. Also, it's really frightening to have my parents dead and be completely alone in the world. If I screw up and fail to keep it together, no one will care, no one will help me. I'm sure many other people here feel the same, or they are dreading the day that their parents pass on. Many of us would never have made it this far without their support. I doubt if I would have made it without my father's help.

Then again. taking care of someone who was very old and dying gave me a depressing perspective on life, old age, and dying. I know I'm not good at making friends and I spend most of my time alone. What I have discovered is that age makes things worse. A lot of the things that auties deal with all of their lives happen to NTs too when they get old. They lose track of their friends and relatives or they die off. In the end they find themselves sitting in a room somewhere alone, with nothing to do, nowhere to go, and not a thing to look forward to but dying.

I had a lot more casual friends and party buddies when I was young. Most are gone now. After my father's last friend died and he lost the ability to get around his life went completely to hell. I watched my him spend year after year just sitting in a chair, watching TV. It's all he could do for so long. After the Alzimhers got bad, I don't think he even understood what he was watching, nor could he read anymore the last few years.

I see this for me. Probably life's kindest gift is the fact that people are somehow blind to what the future inevitably holds for them. But taking care of my father really shoved it in my face. I'm only 57, I could live another 30-40 years, but I sure don't want to. My life now is already almost as bad as his was at the end. I have two Mustangs and an old Harley, but I rarely drive them anymore. You see, I have nowhere to go, no one to go with, and nothing to do when I get there. I have nothing to look forward to but more of the same, except it will get gradually worse as my health deteriorates and my last few friends die off or move on. Just thinking about it makes me very, very, tired.