Do higher functioning aspies have it worse in some ways?

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BTDT
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06 Dec 2012, 11:56 am

I'm high functioning enough that I can do stuff that greatly improves interaction with NTs, without having to "fake it." I see this as a lot better than a lower functioning autistics that have few options, no matter what they attempt.



Tyri0n
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06 Dec 2012, 12:13 pm

BTDT wrote:
I'm high functioning enough that I can do stuff that greatly improves interaction with NTs, without having to "fake it." I see this as a lot better than a lower functioning autistics that have few options, no matter what they attempt.


I can also do stuff to improve interactions with NT's. But if you have anything on the autism spectrum, or NVLD, etc., I fail to see how you're not faking it in some sense. Keep in mind that I was diagnosed recently and had no idea Asperger's/high-functioning autism even existed before this year, so most of my "coping" involves trying to act like NT's.

"Be yourself" just isn't an option for us, like it is for socially awkward NT's trying to improve.



Last edited by Tyri0n on 06 Dec 2012, 12:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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06 Dec 2012, 12:14 pm

I think some things can definitely be harder for higher-functioning people. If someone were to look at me, they would just assume that I was a normal 19 year old female. If they tried to carry on a short, superficial conversation with me, they would assume I was a) shy, b) arrogant, or c) a jerk. If they tried to talk to me further, they would assume that I was either very awkward, very rude, or very stupid. Because I'm very intelligent and seem relatively "normal", people aren't going to realize that I have legitimate reasons for being the way I am, unless I've specifically told them of my diagnosis, or they already know about Asperger's Syndrome. Sometimes even those people don't believe me, because I'm not Rain Man.

But I can't say that higher-functioning people have a harder time. We have our own specific sets of challenges, for sure. But they aren't "worse".



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06 Dec 2012, 12:19 pm

urbanpixie wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Having too much self-awareness can cause problems for a HFA Aspie too. I'm high-functioning and can appear ''normal'' to others, and that's good in some ways. But sometimes I can feel a little odd, what can confuse other people, and sometimes people look at me like they're trying to figure something out. They see an ordinary-looking person coming towards them and see no differences to be ''afraid'' of, but suddenly something about the vibe I give off kind of makes them think ''wait....something's not right about that girl. I can't quite put my finger on it.'' That causes social phobia, social anxiety, and Agoraphobia for me, because I am sensitive to ridicule, I can read body language fine so it's not like I'm oblivious to other people's thoughts and feelings, so therefore I become more affected by being a little odd, just like how an NT person would feel if they were put in that situation.

I love the way I explained that!


I love the way you explained that too! I can read body language, feel empathy, and am actually a great observer of social interaction.

Where I get into trouble is when I have to participate instead of observe- then my awkwardness comes out. I once saw a video of myself and actually became frustrated when watching it (thinking "what is wrong with me- why am I moving so SLOWLY?"). It wasn't until finding this forum that I realized that what frustrated me about that video was that something was off about my body language. I think others see it as well.


Agree with this 100%. Why do we move/respond so slowly? A lot of people just think I'm high a lot.



antifeministfrills
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06 Dec 2012, 12:57 pm

This is an interesting thread. 'Tard barrier'.



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06 Dec 2012, 1:04 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Having too much self-awareness can cause problems for a HFA Aspie too. I'm high-functioning and can appear ''normal'' to others, and that's good in some ways. But sometimes I can feel a little odd, what can confuse other people, and sometimes people look at me like they're trying to figure something out. They see an ordinary-looking person coming towards them and see no differences to be ''afraid'' of, but suddenly something about the vibe I give off kind of makes them think ''wait....something's not right about that girl. I can't quite put my finger on it.'' That causes social phobia, social anxiety, and Agoraphobia for me, because I am sensitive to ridicule, I can read body language fine so it's not like I'm oblivious to other people's thoughts and feelings, so therefore I become more affected by being a little odd, just like how an NT person would feel if they were put in that situation.

I love the way I explained that!

I was going to say something similar to this, but you beat me to it!
I'll just emphasize it from the other side of things.
If you're severe (low functioning) you are oblivious to other people's opinions of you. As long as you are in your "bubble" you are perfectly fine. I don't say that to make light of what they go through, but if we are talking about ways that it is harder to be high functioning then that is one of them.


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06 Dec 2012, 1:38 pm

Aharon wrote:
The more you already fit in, the more you're expected to fit in more. If you don't fit in, your behavior is seen as wierd and creepy and people will avoid you unless it's severe enough that you break the "tard barrier" and then they're nice to you.


This seems to fit what I've experienced. On the surface I seem normal at first, but talk with me long enough and you notice some peculiarities that I cannot hide. Eventually people realize that I'm smart, but kind-hearted and basically harmless. Then they like me.


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06 Dec 2012, 1:49 pm

Higher functioners do have it bad in the sense that people (family, friends) doubt they're affected because they don't look, sound and act like the stereotypes on TV (Sheldon Cooper, Spencer Reid, etc). I can't spew math and science like these guys do. I don't have tics like Rain Man or focus on spinning lights like Snow Cake. If I had money, and enough interest, I'd probably build a planetarium in my living room like Adam. My differences are subtle but they do exist enough to prevent me from having a "normal" life.



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06 Dec 2012, 2:07 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
BTDT wrote:
I'm high functioning enough that I can do stuff that greatly improves interaction with NTs, without having to "fake it." I see this as a lot better than a lower functioning autistics that have few options, no matter what they attempt.


I can also do stuff to improve interactions with NT's. But if you have anything on the autism spectrum, or NVLD, etc., I fail to see how you're not faking it in some sense. Keep in mind that I was diagnosed recently and had no idea Asperger's/high-functioning autism even existed before this year, so most of my "coping" involves trying to act like NT's.

"Be yourself" just isn't an option for us, like it is for socially awkward NT's trying to improve.


I've found that dressing better makes a big difference, so I now make an effort to dress well and appropriately for my age, which is nearly 50. This isn't as easy as it sounds, I'm on the short side, so I can't just walk into men's store and find stuff off the rack. But, Ebay sure helps out! This seems to make a big impression on women--who hardly ever see shorter middle aged guys with clothes that fit really well.

I find the whole eye contact business isn't as important as having something to say and saying it well. Lucky for me, I'm quite gifted, been to lots of places, and done lots of stuff, so the content issue wasn't too hard--I just had to learn what hot button topics are best avoided. Saying it well comes with practice. I've also figured out that most NTs have very short memories--so if you mess up and don't make a big deal out of it--after a day or two they won't remember.



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06 Dec 2012, 2:13 pm

BTDT wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
BTDT wrote:
I'm high functioning enough that I can do stuff that greatly improves interaction with NTs, without having to "fake it." I see this as a lot better than a lower functioning autistics that have few options, no matter what they attempt.


I can also do stuff to improve interactions with NT's. But if you have anything on the autism spectrum, or NVLD, etc., I fail to see how you're not faking it in some sense. Keep in mind that I was diagnosed recently and had no idea Asperger's/high-functioning autism even existed before this year, so most of my "coping" involves trying to act like NT's.

"Be yourself" just isn't an option for us, like it is for socially awkward NT's trying to improve.


I've found that dressing better makes a big difference, so I now make an effort to dress well and appropriately for my age, which is nearly 50. This isn't as easy as it sounds, I'm on the short side, so I can't just walk into men's store and find stuff off the rack. But, Ebay sure helps out! This seems to make a big impression on women--who hardly ever see shorter middle aged guys with clothes that fit really well.

I find the whole eye contact business isn't as important as having something to say and saying it well. Lucky for me, I'm quite gifted, been to lots of places, and done lots of stuff, so the content issue wasn't too hard--I just had to learn what hot button topics are best avoided. Saying it well comes with practice. I've also figured out that most NTs have very short memories--so if you mess up and don't make a big deal out of it--after a day or two they won't remember.


I get complemented on the way I dress all the time. I occasionally wear a weird combination, but it isn't a big deal or something that happens often. One of my barriers to social interaction--the biggest according to my diagnoser-- is my voice. I have lack of prosody to an extreme, and speak so slow, it sounds creepy. I almost sound like Darth Vader. I don't know if you have gotten speech coaching or not, but now that I have a diagnosis (meaning insurance will pay for it), it is something I will look into.



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06 Dec 2012, 2:26 pm

Yes, I was able to get speech therapy, though it wasn't for Aspergers. Same result--my speech is much less monotonic.



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06 Dec 2012, 2:38 pm

I've been faking NT behavior for so long I'm trying to figure out where I begin and the BS ends. If I put in 120% I can fake a lot of normal stuff but I feel trmendous anxiety afterwards and a lot of times during. I'm not good at reading body language, ok at reading facial expressions, but awful at recognizing people by face. But since I'm good at faking a lot of NT stuff and can look totally normal in brief social exchanges, I'm chronically misunderstood and typically mistreated as a result. People usually see me as normal at first and then they think I'm intentionally rude and selfish or worse based on whatever it is that I'm doing wrong. All of the effort put into faking, and all of the guesswork when things go wrong, and all of the stress all around has drained so much from my life. I would love to have more plain old understanding, but at the same time, I'm def grateful for the abilities that I have.



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06 Dec 2012, 2:47 pm

People who first meet me think that I'm "cute and shy" or else "cold and scary". I suppose it depends on the person. I can appear to NT for a while (depending on the conversation/person) but I inevitably screw up. There seems to be this point where my "personality quirks" become too much for them and it hurts me.

There's this moment in a social situation where I say/do something that is just a little too odd. The NT persons just stare at me with this confused/unsettled look and I realize that I'm not passing any more. It's a very disconcerting feeling, like putting your foot down where you think there's a step but there's nothing there. I hate it. Then there's the fact that I can read facial expressions really well, so I always know when I've screwed up....



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06 Dec 2012, 3:01 pm

AlmaBrown wrote:
People who first meet me think that I'm "cute and shy" or else "cold and scary". I suppose it depends on the person. I can appear to NT for a while (depending on the conversation/person) but I inevitably screw up. There seems to be this point where my "personality quirks" become too much for them and it hurts me.

There's this moment in a social situation where I say/do something that is just a little too odd. The NT persons just stare at me with this confused/unsettled look and I realize that I'm not passing any more. It's a very disconcerting feeling, like putting your foot down where you think there's a step but there's nothing there. I hate it. Then there's the fact that I can read facial expressions really well, so I always know when I've screwed up....


Yeah, seems to be a recurring pattern with some of us. We can read negative social expressions but not necessarily routine ones, so timing/concentration are off, making us more likely to f**k up, thus seeing the negative ones, thus leading to avoidant tendencies and less practice, thus leading to more fuckups.

For me, I don't often make major fuckups of which I'm aware. However, I make small ones kind of regularly that sort of add up. since my diagnosis, I am becoming more aware of minor mistakes, though, so maybe there's hope.



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06 Dec 2012, 3:16 pm

Probably, because of eggspectations of others and also that the higher-functioning person is more socially aware, knows more of their social mistakes, their social problems having more negative effects on them. They also might be in more complex situations, like having romantic relationships or more friends, all with potential social and communication issues.



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06 Dec 2012, 4:05 pm

Of course I don't know what its like to be LFA but I do know the NT irritation factor of HFA tends to be higher. I know for me I'm extremely self-aware, self-conscious and worry way too much. And I keep worrying about things that I cant help. Ok so I can't fit in and I'm very quiet and aloof like 80% of the time. Well sorry can't naturally socialize. I will try at first but then I eventually fall into default mode which means, socializing when necessary or if I'm highly interested in what there talking about. If you need a reason, hmm you can watch me break out into freakout mode. :D