Do You Ever Not Like Yourself?

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yes, very often. I find myself very very annoying!

I love my obsessions and what I got out of it as an artist, my face, I never liked, my whtie skin, my flabby guts, my losing of my hair at age 17, acne for 10 years in my face, broken nose, etc, I hate. But I love the way I dance and sing and pint and I ma proud of that.

My reply was my way of empathising. By sharing that I had experienced something similar I hoped to show the OP that I understood how she felt. That's the best I can do as a fellow Aspie. Also, I have noticed that some NTs do this as well. They would respond with statements like, I do that too, or you are not alone in that. It took me nearly my whole life to realize that they are responding that way in an effort to make me feel better, by assuring me that I am not alone, and that there were not just switching the topic to themselves.

I just noticed all replies went about 'me'...and NTs do compare or share experieneces...but they would also physically comfort the person and listen,,,and talk about it, more about giving the person who is suffering, than about their own dreadful experiences.

I think it runs in my family too. Once my sis had a problem, and I forced myself to feel her pain, but I didn't, so the gesture imade by holding her hand was an effort, but it didn't pay off,because, my sis withdrew her hand coldly as if she didn't like it. Now there I was and felt rebuffed, and hurt in my feelings toward my youngest sister. It has always remained a reminder of how I wasn't capable of comforting someone...I felt poor at it, and my sister confirmed it by withdrawing, or she has Aspie traits, and didn't want to be touched.

Last edited by Loborojo on 19 Dec 2012, 9:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am be an irritating person to live with at times. I never get peace from myself.

NO! I love myself. I think I'm the best thing since sliced bread (do you have that on the Starship Voyager? ). Yes, I cause havoc in the world, but my god, they deserve it! In comparison to Stalin I'm one of the good guys...

There are two ways of seeing your situation. Either you have not picked up on the social nudging from your friend, or, he is not very good at social nudging. In my experience, most NTs are not very good at it. Why? Because they are so totally obsessed about being likeable, friendly, kind, polite, liberal, left of centre, nice, middle-class people who would rather have hot coals dropped on their goolies than commit a social faux-pas. May I suggest a T-shirt? With a logo on the front reading "If you don't want me here please DO say so!"

Yes, there are times in which I don't like myself. But this happens to everyone at last once in their lives.

I'd rather stick my tits in a bee's nest than to have a social faux pas.....that is one NT trait I have got (and suffer with too, because my AS makes me do social faux pas and my social phobia makes me afraid of them).

My gosh, it is true, what a good observance...I never registered that this is what I have been doing for so long...but openly I always refute and tell people that I am not trying to be liked...

But that is exactly what I do, because I am so aware since the bullying at age 17 and younger, that since, I have seriously have never been a part of a group.

It startss nicely, me joining a club or an association...but it doesn't take long before my paranoid thinking starts popping up like: Why don't they listen to me, why don't they accept my advice on this and such, why are they so aloof?
They obviously don't like me , and I have since started to sort of provoke and create a situation that makes them not like me, as if I want to fence off before they would do it by themselves...

Gee, it is complicated in my head...

Last edited by Loborojo on 19 Dec 2012, 9:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's precisely why I dislike myself. Not only do I hate myself for it but I feel like I'm not myself because of it. In an irrational and emotional way, inside my head, I am a comforting person. That's my identity but it's false. My identity says I'm a comforting person when in reality I couldn't make a person feel better if my life depended on it.

Not only do I dislike who I am, I feel a disconnect from who I am. I'm not myself because I'm not a comforting person. I hate being forced to be someone that I don't even identify with. It's feels like I'm a soul in the wrong body with the wrong brain and the wrong everything so of course I'm going to dislike myself. Everything feels wrong including but not limited to this one thing that you've reminded me of.

I can relate to what you are saying - I used to feel that way myself. But ask yourself this - if 80% of the general population were like you (and me) surely you would feel 'normal'. And this forum would still exist but it would be called NTWorld.com Take refuge in that at least

I'm not sure I would feel normal. I can't say for sure but I think I would still be upset. Subjective experienc is so important to me as a personal value that not being able to truly empathize with people on an emotional level would still be a problem. I still would feel bummed out because the things that are most important to me as a person are missing. It's not about being normal it's about being good at what I like and having what I value instead of being forced to have strengths that I don't value instead. I'm a people person with no people skills. I'm a comforter who can't console. I'm a mystic incapable of entering altered states. I'm not a math person or a systematic person but I can do those things even though they aren't who I am.

Even if I were normal in the sense that the majority of people were like me I'm not sure if I would feel any different. Maybe I'm wrong but I think I would still feel abnormal because I "just don't feel right". I still feel foreign to myself.

I can really relate with that. I mean, not with the specifics. But the whole extremely subjective values thing.
I don't want to be 'normal', I want to be closer to my own idea of (limited) perfection ('limited' as in I obviously can't change my form).
I am not good at and I am not truly into things I value as per my ideals, instead they would only be pursuable by pure chance or if I was more disciplined (and I know this because I was for a time) since then I would be able to choose what I am interested in and actually become good at those despite the interest not being 'natural' in a sense. I would be able to better myself.
I was so happy when I was confident, too! I had energy, inspiration. I believed I was on the path to become my ideal self. But alas, I had my mental breakdown and I haven't recovered. I lost what I had.
One's level of confidence matters, A LOT.
(Possibly) good news for you, though, unless gaining confidence feels as much like an impossibility for you as it does for me - if you manage to build up a lot of confidence, you might be able to better yourself, get closer to your ideal self.

Though, I might have misinterpret you, as many people have misinterpret me and as probably many have also misinterpret you before.

No you're spot on. You haven't misinterpreted what I said. You also don't seem to think it's about being perfect. The ideal self is who you want to be based on your values. For me, my ideal self is when my talents match my values. Many talents I do have don't match my values so they don't make me feel good about myself. I would gladly give up many of my abilities for ones that better suit my personality.

Some people have interpreted this to mean that I want to be perfect. I don't want to be perfect I just want to be arranged in a way that suits me. I'm glad you didn't reach the conclusion that I just want to be good at everything.

If you don't mind me asking, what happened with your mental breakdown? If you're not comfortable answering on the forum you can send me a PM.