Neurotypicals are too sensitive?

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30 Dec 2012, 1:56 am

answeraspergers wrote:

They are offended at the tiniest things which don't even have a logical basis to be upset by. - offence is the emotional ego protesting. its more emotional than logical really

Do you have an example?

League_Girl
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30 Dec 2012, 1:56 am

Ive noticed that whenever a topic about people being too sensitive comes up, some people seem to assume we are talking about insulting people and harassing them. No, we are more talking about us just saying things that isn't even an insult or even harassment and a person still gets upset by it. Things like telling someone to smoke away from you and they get all offended because you didn't want them smoking near you or a person asks you something and you give them your opinion and they get upset by it because it was not the answer they wanted to hear. Or the time someone posted a thread here asking what is it they do that pisses people off so we honestly tell them and that person comes back calling me and few others a "bully" because they didn't get the answers they liked. I must say I lost respect for that person and I felt manipulated and played by them. Or how about saying a movie sucked and how we didn't like it and someone who likes that movie gets offended by it and takes it as a personal attack. yeah these things we are talking about when we mention people being too sensitive. How are these examples I mentioned are insults or harassment?

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Last edited by League_Girl on 30 Dec 2012, 1:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

btbnnyr
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30 Dec 2012, 1:56 am

I am too socially insensitive to perceive insults, I think. I may guess that there is one in what someone says, but I am not sure enough to have emotional reaction, or maybe it's because I lack reaction that I am not sure.

I am talking about social insensitivity due to lack of nt social cognition.

League_Girl
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30 Dec 2012, 2:00 am

Verdandi wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Verdandi wrote:

And both can be offended for rather reasonable cause, but are interpreted as "oversensitive" because some people think that others should just be willing to accept insults and verbal harassment.

I don't think that is what we are talking about.

When I see discussions about people being overly sensitive, that is frequently what is under discussion. For example, the thread about the use of the word "ret*d" has a handful of people making that particular argument. Of course, the people doing the insulting tend to love making it sound like those they insult are the problem by being too sensitive, rather than acknowledge the fact that insulting people is a bit rubbish.

That is, that talk about how people are overly sensitive for objecting to certain things can itself be a form of verbal bullying by trying to invalidate their reactions. I am not saying this is always the case, but it is something I have seen, and unfortunately even seen on Wrong Planet.

Saw this after my second post.

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30 Dec 2012, 2:05 am

League_Girl wrote:

Ive noticed that whenever a topic about people being too sensitive comes up, some people seem to assume we are talking about insulting people and harassing them.

When I see people try to justify their bullying and harassment by calling their targets overly sensitive, and then see threads by people asking why some people are "overly sensitive" why should that bullying and harassment not be mentioned at all? How am I or anyone else supposed to know which examples are strictly covered by the OP's question when the OP uses the same language everyone I've ever seen play the "You're oversensitive" card against someone else uses, whether the situation is legitimately a matter of oversensitivity or it's a matter of trying to bully people into letting others bully them more? I am not assuming that you are talking about insulting people and harassing them, but I am trying to point out that this happens too.

I am not calling anyone in this thread a bully, or saying anyone in this thread has bullied anyone, but when I pointed out that sometimes the oversensitivity is not oversensitivity and people have legitimate reasons to be offended at some things, why say that none of that should be brought up in this thread in the first place?

For example, in the ret*d thread, one poster stated that anyone who is offended by the use of the word "ret*d" is just posturing and not really offended. He also tried to compare objecting being called ret*d to wanting to censor Shakespeare's plays, as if the ability to insult anyone and everyone is an inalienable right that he deserves to exercise without consequence.

Last edited by Verdandi on 30 Dec 2012, 2:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

Verdandi
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30 Dec 2012, 2:06 am

League_Girl wrote:

Saw this after my second post.

I am sorry if I seemed to be accusing anyone here of anything, that was not my point. I wanted to add in addition to that, that sometimes people really do accidentally genuinely offend others and that can also be perceived as overreaction.

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30 Dec 2012, 2:09 am

btbnnyr wrote:

Maybe strangely, given how I've been posting about it over the past couple of days, but I really don't react to most insults directed at me because I actually miss a lot of them. I'm a moderator on another forum, and so I can see other people react to other posters insulting me, and my own reaction to those insults is actually fairly mild. I don't see them as insulting. Perhaps this is an example of other people being oversensitive on my behalf.

I've got a lot of rules about what is offensive, though. Plenty of words that are used as slurs, for example. I know using those words is generally wrong, and I do not like to see them used, but I do not myself get offended under most circumstances. I can perceive insults directed at me, and I can be offended, too.

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30 Dec 2012, 2:17 am

I've always found that most of the time their offense-taking has a logical basis. If you say things that imply that people are unhealthy, old and with poor taste, you shouldn't expect them to smile and thank you for correcting their ways.

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30 Dec 2012, 2:24 am

I really didn't think this thread was about things like racism and sexism (I agree with Verdandi on that) but about NTs who are offended because you're too stressed to go to their party, or don't ask how they're doing at the right moment, or complement someone they dislike, or any of a number of ridiculous things that would never have occurred to me at all except that I saw an NT get mad about them.

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30 Dec 2012, 2:28 am

Nonperson wrote:

Thank you for that clarification. I do understand what this means, and I appreciate the examples (which is why I asked for some from answeraspergers).

My sister gets offended when I do not agree with her opinion. The last time, she lost her temper and screamed at me that I always had to be right and she could never be right, which is rather amazing to me because I don't actually disagree with her all that often (except on, well, racism but this particular discussion was about Hostess, and not race).

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30 Dec 2012, 3:29 am

Fnord wrote:

When you've seen one neurotypical person, you've seen one neurotypical person.

It seems that some people believe that the "Neurotypical" label covers only a very narrowly-defined set of behavioral traits.

I guess we often stereotype "Neurotypicals" the same way the "neurotypicals" stereotype us

as for OP's statement its like the exact opposite for me I'm often getting upset over tiny things (may of which are intended to be jokes,) that are responsible for many of my meltdowns

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30 Dec 2012, 4:15 am

Calling someone oversensitive is a very very very often used derailment and silencing technique, and me and Verdandi have valid reasons to question exactly what the OP meant by it.

From the now defunct Derailing for Dummies site:

Quote:

You’re Just Oversensitive
Once again, though very similar to You’re Being Overemotional, this one has a slightly different nuance.

What you’re implying is that the Marginalised Person™ is looking for offence where none exists.

Once again, you’re disowning your own responsibility, and this is absolutely the crux of any derailment – you just can’t repeat or reinforce it often enough. No matter what, none of this is your fault – nothing you said that was hurtful, offensive, bigoted or discriminatory is really to blame here, because you said it in all innocence! After all, what reason have you ever had to examine your ingrained prejudices? Why should you start now?

So you want the Marginalised Person™ to know this is how you feel and that you really believe the responsibility is all theirs – if they weren’t looking so hard for offence, everything would be a lot more pleasant!

(For you)

Quote:

You’re Being Overemotional
It is very likely that the whole reason the Marginalised Person™ in question is debating with you is because they’ve made a conscious decision to speak out about these issues, despite the pain and heartache it can often cause them.

Therefore, the “you’re being hostile” bomb can often lead to an increase of anger and/or hurt. Sometimes it just leads to greater emphasis and exasperation in the argument.

It really doesn’t matter, because you can still use it against them by accusing them of being overemotional. You may wish to use the word “hysterical” instead. “Hysterical” is also a word laden with negative connotations, so it’s particularly effective. Using this one in discussions with women is highly advisable, as the opinions and feelings of women have historically been denied as mere “hysteria”, but it works against almost anyone. A great one to use with women as well is to ask them if they’re “PMSing”. Yes, it’s an oldie but a classic.

If you need more variety, some more handy argument winners involving speculating as to people’s neurotypical status: ask them if they’re “neurotic” or “schizo” for example. Implying people have mental health issues is a great way to dismiss their concerns; it’s also insensitive to people with actual mental health issues!

After all, proper “intellectual” discussions always involve detachment and rationality. What is “rationality”? It’s a way of approaching emotional matters devoid of sentiment, particularly prized by Privileged People® as it enables a continuing inequity of power that favours them: after all, if they aren’t emotionally attached to the topic by way of Lived Experience©, it is easier for them to be “rational”.

I recommend reading all of it.
http://birdofparadox.wordpress.com/dera ... nstruction

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30 Dec 2012, 6:10 am

I am glad that Bird of Paradox hosted a mirror when it went down previously. I think it's back up these days, although I get a "bandwidth exceeded" message when I look there right now. Might be back up after the first.

Anomiel
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30 Dec 2012, 6:40 am

I worried it was gone, should probably said "currently down". Anyway it's all there in the meantime

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30 Dec 2012, 6:57 am

It's a valid worry. It disappeared for a time once before.

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30 Dec 2012, 10:01 am

Some threads say that Aspies are more sensitive, other threads say NTs are the ones that are more sensitive. Or some threads say that NTs are born with thicker skin than Aspies, then other threads say the opposite, so I don't know.

I know that I'm extremely sensitive, and have very thin skin and low self-esteem.

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