freaking out over things you know are unreasonable

Post Reply New Topic

Years ago I wrote a letter to my boyfriend. I didn't mail it because I didn't have a stamp. The next day I went out somewhere, got some stamps, and came back home. I looked high and low for that letter in my room but couldn't find it. Hmm. Very odd. Maybe, I thought, I stuck it in a book. At that time I was having severe problems with my stepfather and mother so I moved out. A few days later, it was Christmas. I went back to the house with presents. My mother took me to the side, handed my "forgotten" unmailed love letter to me and said, "If I find out you're gay I'm gonna cut your throat from ear to ear." I looked at her, took the letter and asked my oldest brother to drive me to the train. Yep. She crossed a line with me. That guy she was referring to was the love of my life. Two weeks ago she died. I was the only one who didn't go to the funeral.

Maybe our definition of "reasonable" needs to be different from the societys'/

for the sensitivity to smell it may be worth trying an activated carbon face mask, they work well for me with blocking perfumes etc.

the changing of room features without prior consultation does send me spinning as well.

If it helps, the incidents I described above? Happened when I was 38 and 43, respectively. The dishes thing happened sometime between 40-42. There are several more that happened during that time. One I remember is whenever relatives I hadn't seen in awhile or people I didn't know or barely knew would show up with little or no warning, and I'd just be unable to deal with it. I still do this and I am 43 right now.

I am not sure if this is a reassuring "don't feel too bad about it, I still do it and I'm 15 years older" or a worrying "You're going to be stuck with this your whole life" statement, though.