Why Were You Bullied? (and my attempt to answer it)

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I used to think i was because i was skinny(i was 5'8 110 pounds at 15 lol) but I recently ran into one of the 8th grade kids who bullied me. I ran into him this week actually and he still gave me a bad dirty cold look and although he didnt taunt me he gave me attitude when iasked if he had a spare ''store discount card''(he was next in line, i didnt have one, item i wanted was half off with card, and i instinctively asked person behind me for their card without realizing who it was). i'm 6'2 205-210 now. This guy is prob 5'7 160 himself.

I think it came down to the fact that nobody had ever put me straight on what exact behaviours constituted bullying. Consequently, I didn't know that what other people were doing was wrong until they had gone way too far. My parents and teachers had an extremely narrow definition of bullying, i.e. physical fighting with the clear intention to inflict injury (which mainly happened in Infant school), or perhaps demanding money with menaces (which I never experienced).

I needed to understand that other behaviours were also bullying: teasing, namecalling, mimicking, deliberate social exclusion or sending to Coventry, persistent staring, falling silent and staring when I came near, laughing and snickering for reason(s) unknown to me, deliberately getting picked last for team sports AND the teachers' behaviour in allowing this to continue was also a type of bullying, kids avoiding working with me in class and teachers allowing this to continue and especially making a fuss because I had to ask them to assign a (usually reluctant) partner or work team, teachers writing in my school reports that I wasn't popular as if that was my bad and then doing nothing about it, inappropriate touching that was intended to harrass and humiliate rather than hurt, unwanted sexual innuendo of an exaggerated or comic nature that was done to tease and show off in front of their friends, blowing cigarette smoke in my face and hair, claiming possession of offensive weapons whether or not any actual threat was made, spreading rumours of any kind whether or not I was witness to what was said, crowding/surrounding me just to get a reaction, blocking access to somewhere I was trying to go, telling tales purely to get me into trouble, pushing, pushing other kids at me, confiscating my stuff, damaging property, making prank phone calls, "inviting" me to things purely to stand me up or lure me into yet another bullying situation, asking endless embarrassing questions about things that were none of their business, casting aspersions on my personal hygiene...I could go on and on.

I also had the "why don't you fight back" accusation levelled at me, but as I've hopefully illustrated above, most of the bullying wasn't to do with fighting, so how could I "hit them back"? I suppose I could have picked a fight just to attract the teacher's attention (as was suggested to me once), but as a previous poster points out, why would I want to pick a fight with a whole gang of bullies who didn't care how much damage they inflicted?

I've been bullied too like the other users and it still happens a lot when I meet new people.

I don't know for sure what caused it and what's still causing it.

There are only a few things that I know for sure:

1) Bullies hardly know anything about me.

So, I guess it has a lot to do with that rather than what I like or something. I dont know why though, I do think that I look pretty average though my hair's often a little short for a girl and I do like clothes in shades of blue and red.

A body-language thing or non-verbal reaction thingy that is impossible to change?

I seem to be doing a little better with strangers since I wear earrings and when I can stand it (sensory-wise) also a bracelet. First impressions-thing? I think it's weird.

2) Failing to talk really, really irks some people.

When back in school the teach asked a question and I couldn't answer, nobody in class would know why. I also didn't compensate by pointing.

It's such a silly matter to get upset about but it seems to freak a surprising lot of people out for some ridiculous reason.

3) Adults encouraged the children to bully me.

Teachers and the parents of other students would talk about me in front of the other students, saying stuff like, you know, Sora is disturbed, she bounces or hits (rhythmically) the table isn't that awful?, Sora hits whoever wont stop touching her, Sora wont talk to us because she doesn't want to or Sora thinks she doesn't need to answer the teacher when she's in school, there are children not smart enough to be in this school and Sora is one of them - to some extent, the other students started imitating them while also taking it further. The kids also only started physically bullying me when the teacher had progressed to smacking me and shaking me by the shoulders in class.

There was definitely some imitation involved even in grades 11+ when teachers continued to badmouth me and the students were already legal adults.

Teachers bad-mouthed me in front of the ongoing class all the way until grade 12/13.

4?) Getting treated like a teen a lot upon just a glance.

I don't mind, I like not looking "old" but I dont know if looking about 18-20 adds any to the bullying?

5) Not understanding all spoken instructions.

Having normal auditory processing and normal language development makes some people think they're so much smarter than me.

6) Language mistakes in spoken language.

Same with that it makes some people think that they're superior and just totally shiny and awesome and ridiculous.

I'm positive that the are more reasons but these 6 were the ones that immediately came to my mind.

I was bullied excessively in grade school from ages 10 to 13, since I was smarter than almost all of the other pupils in my school. One of my teachers gave me the language curriculum for 7th grade when I was in 4th grade, for instance, so I wouldn't get bored. When other pupils found out that I was reading *ahead* of curriculum, I was of course bullied even more.

Other pupils kept bullying me until I reached age 13. Then puberty kicked in and I grew to be a head taller than my classmates (despite being a November child... nice!). Some were stupid enough to continue bullying me, however.

So I brought down the hammer and beat the crap out of them.

Haven't been bullied ever since...

I've solved this. They aren't bullying you at all. They're inviting you to a swear-off. They are giving you a shot to prove your strength. I used to cry so hard, run away or freak out when other guys would come up to me with these teasing insults, singling me out and acting aggressive. That's just a way of welcoming you into the gang. They call you a name, you come up with a creative and more offensive name to earn their respect, and you're in. You can even stand up tall. make a mean face, and insult their mom, or a nearby friend. Extra points form completely novel curses, like penguin vagina or deep-fried starfish nutsack. Took me awhile to figure this out, but they're actually attacking you because they like you.

Usually.

1. I was looking to impress and please the adults rather than the other kids
2. My overwhelming first priority at school was the book work and everything else I viewed as far less important
3. I had a low threshold for being teased because I was pretty insecure anyway
4. Selective mutism - well sort of - I rarely spoke at school in class to the other kids, particularly if they asked what I viewed as a stupid question such as "Do you know what her name is?"
5. I walked funny - that and the selective mutism led to the nick name ret*d and a lot of imitations
6. At my first school you were bullied if you weren't good at sports because that's what everyone was interested in - I carried being used to being bullied into my subsequent schools which made me mistrusting when kids tried to genuinely befriend me - which made me isolated and vulnerable

Ugh! Reading this was agony. I want to scream that you've over analyzed this, but what's a bullied kid to do but try to figure out how to stop the unpleasantries. However, it's much simpler than you all realize.

You were a target. Other kids were meanies, looking for targets. This means anyone who is weak or in any way different. It's not your fault you were bullied. Being different isn't a fault, it's normal in the world of humans, but I repeat, some kids are just mean and enjoy tormenting others. It's how they feel worthy, in a warped, kinda way.

I was bullied, and even though I beat the crap out of the girl who bullied me for YEARS and stopped her, there were a few others who exist in my life to this day. Since I refuse to LET anyone bully me and get away with it, no one pushes me around (It helps to be over 6' tall) but there is this woman... I've known her since 1st grade and she has ostracized me in any way she could by starting rumors or somehow sabotaging something I was working on. She even attended my church and attempted to set me up several times there, but what took the cake was when I was in charge of our 30th high school reunion (we were 47-48 yrs. old...) and she went around telling people that it wouldn't be a success and that no one was going. The reunion was fine, could have been better attended, but for the most part a success. Afterwards, I had at least FIFTEEN people approach me, telling me they would have come but for what this woman told them.

It's not much more than a joke anymore, mostly because this last thing backfired on her and her husband found out, yada, yada, I don't care.

And that's the secret to dealing with bullies. Don't care. How sad, really. But bullying is a decision made by the bully. You are not responsible. The error is theirs.

My Bullying, much like Namaste states, started in the home as a child. My mother was APD/NPD and extremely abusive. To foment her own aims she even encouraged other family members to bully me, and even to an extent those in my educational surrounding (even telling a child on the playground to thrash me just to teach me a lesson).

This went on for a long number of years.

I was totally quiet.
I didnt talk.
When I did talk, it was usually to communicate, which I only ever did in a logical type manner.
I dressed funny (wore the same clothes many days in a row)
I bathed every other day
I was absolutely asocial
There was one person there in the school that would bother to associate with me, and even she didnt understand me.
I got beat up quite often for associating with her, just because she would sit and talk to me.


When did all this stop for me?

Well it didnt really, but by the time I was in my young teens, I was 6'5 and 250lbs. I could just take it. I think by that time I had developed such an inane pain tolerance what I considered bullying in my youth, was just a minor annoyance by the time I had gotten older.