Romantic Relationship Statuses in Adults Diagnosed with ASDs

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As of right now, it appears that only 3 (or 13.6%) of the 22 full adult males who participated in the poll have had good luck with romantic relationships (i.e. married/engaged/in a relationship) whereas 11 (or 64.7%) of the 17 full adult females who participated in the poll have had good luck with romantic relationships. These percentages are different at the alpha = 0.1 level. Honestly, I'm not surprised that a higher proportion of full adult females with ASD diagnoses have had good luck with relationships than full adult males with ASD diagnoses. I guess this is because the males are usually expected to make the first move in creating a romantic relationship (where males with ASDs can have difficulty doing so without looking awkward/creepy) whereas females are not expected to make the first move in creating a romantic relationship.

That is a reasonable assumption

Currently in a relationship is not the same as "good luck".

It's data. It's meaningful. But its not "good luck".

I am asexual and not interested in sex. Further, sex is actually a sensory hell for me on the occasions when I've tried it. Sharing a bed with another human being tends to actually cause meltdowns for me. The last time I shared a bed with someone, during a trip and nothing sexual and no relationship beyond friendship, I came very close to completely melting down. The whole week was a bit of a hell for being away from home, getting four hours of sleep a night, etc. I still ended up in pretty bad shape just from having to be in the same bed with another person.

Still, I don't think how I view sex needs to be the way to view sex. For a lot of people I know, sex is a positive thing as recreation and (less frequently) as procreation. I don't see any reason that sex should go away or become less popular just to meet my needs. My needs are already met by not having sex with other people.

Last edited by Verdandi on 10 Jan 2013, 11:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I voted that I had been in a romantic relationship, but I also pointed out that it was abusive and exploitative and she took advantage of my inexperience with relationships in general. I should have also mention that my ex came close to trying to force me to have sex with her - that is, close to raping me - before she finally accepted that I was not interested in sex. However, that lack of interest simply became another avenue for abuse.

That is not "good luck."

You got a rather unhealthy view of sex.

Most woman learn to enjoy sex through time, where dudes tend to loose interest in it over time. In either situation seeking out experiences while young is important.

I'm pretty sure the asexual lifestyle while highly convenient is very bad for ones health. It's also I think a likely source of true depression.

Granted I understand the sensitivity issues.

My only enjoyable sexual experience was with an aspie girl, who had sensitivities.
It for me was far more enjoyable than being with an nt girl, because everything was just so much more careful and intense.

My guess is you've never had a chance to get into it with a proper sense of comfort.

As is quite common with most aspies.

I donno, personally I'm frustrated, for so long while in denile I was avoiding aspie chicks out of fear we couldn't have kids. Basically mozart and the whale was nearly the exact course of my first relationship, except our careers were slightly different, and we didn't get back together.

I ran from that type of thing in fear wanting to be normal.

Now I want an aspie girl, problem is you can't just walk up to one and say wanna go out, and all the aspie girls I know have boyfriends(tends to be a very common trait amongst aspies chicks).


Anyhow I think this site is unique and is atypical of average.

Last edited by Stoek on 10 Jan 2013, 11:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Being asexual isn't a lifestyle, its an orientation.

Some people, just do not feel attracted. Some people just don't have desire.

Some people just don't have that sort of reaction to sex. This doesn't mean they are avoiding it, it doesn't even mean they are sex-negative.

But it is not the same as being celibate.

My view is healthy for me. I have no desire to engage in extended skin to skin contact with other people. I suspect engaging in physical intimacy to the point of meltdown is fairly unhealthy.



It's not just a "lifestyle" and I am fairly certain there is no justification for such an assertion. I think "convenient" is an incorrect description as I find that people who seem to believe they need to convert me into considering the possibility of liking sex to be rather annoying and not helpful at all, let alone not understanding me well enough to make any sort of comment on my behavior or orientation.

I saw the edit, so reply part two:

I don't think it has anything to do with my depression. I think that a lot of people who are sexual to some extent have difficulties relating to the idea of not wanting or needing sex, and tend to generalize their sexual desires as the best for others. I do not think my asexuality is ideal for everyone, but it is ideal for me, and I do not think I could bring myself to enjoy the act.



I have attempted it with a couple of men and a couple of women. I never enjoyed it. I do not think or fantasize about having sex with other people and attempting to do so does nothing for me. I am not strongly aromantic but I do not particularly have a strong need or desire for a relationship, either. Whenever I did think about possible relationships, sex was an unpleasant obstacle I mostly didn't think about.



I do not know how many autistic women are in relationships. Many I have encountered online are, but many others are not. I do not know that two autistic people are always ideal for relationships, as I recently read about one in which one was fairly introverted and quiet and the other fairly extraverted and loud, and they had clashes and sensitivity issues because of this mismatch.

I have never been in a romantic relationship. I have dated people without knowing that I was dating them.

Sorry, Stoek, gotta disagree with you about most women learning to enjoy sex through time, and having worked with the elderly - there are some randy old men . Apparently sensory issues can be a problem for us Aspie ladies, and also just plain disinterest. Also, a number of us carry the baggage of abuse which adds a further complication. I hope you meet someone because it sounds like you would be patient and caring about finding a mutually satisfying relationship. In such a nice relationship, sure people can overcome some difficulties and dislikes. We're all different and unfortunately there can be so much pressure both to have a relationship and then to define the sexual aspects - normal covers a broad scope, AS or not. There can be intimacy without sex - it is up to those involved. Good discussion thread.

23, I view romance and dating a big waste of time, money, energy and an emtional drain. Above all i'm not really interested anyway, I doubt I could get emotionally into it enough to make it work even if I wanted to so whats the point? I view others relationship drama and enjoy the fact that I don't have to deal with all the pointless and stupid drama about nothing. I have got better things to do with my life and real goals to met.

I am just old fashioned romantic who would love to meet my soul mate..i hate being lonley..although i am loyal trustworthy and have a kind heart i find it very difficult to meet anyone because i am rather shy plus don't do the club pub thing...my interests are more nature animals and getting to see how others live in this world....but it is a hard task to meet anyone when you have AS and major interaction problems ....i am working on it...hoping someone might give me a chance and accept me as i am.....so any nice ladies out there would like a friend?

No no, by good luck with relationships, I meant that they were fortunate enough to be in a romantic relationship (whether they are currently married, engaged, or just in a relationship) despite their ASD which can impair verbal/nonverbal communication between one with an ASD and his/her NT/ASD partner to the point that the romantic relationship is not romantic at all.

I voted "male, full adult, had relationship, not looking". I was suprised by how many "full adult" males voted the same as me but then the sample size at time of writing is so small as to make attempting to draw any kind of serious conclusion pointless. (edit: plus this is a straw poll anyway).

It's "Is in a relationship" still, nothing about good luck.

We know nothing about if those are healthy relationships. We know nothing about if those people had healthy relationships in the past. We know nothing about whether those relationships are having issues because of the person's ASD.

It's statistically significant if you are using alpha=0.1 (I prefer alpha=0.05) data, but that's all it is. We know nothing more than the data.