Aspies, do you lack empathy?

Post Reply New Topic

I 'think' empathetically moreso than 'feel' empathy. When I do feel empathy, it's usually for animals or children. I've never felt guilty, although there are some things I'd do differently if I could.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... ic&t=21783

This is an indication of your ability to read and respond to others emotions..

Machine only provided me with 3 other links so this is all I got name's not important, funny how I found no NT's taking it would of been better if they did...

Missed out Gender that is important...

1/20 empathising ( As Diagnosed) Male
1/20 empathising (AS Diagnosed) Male
4/20 empathising (As Not sure ) Female
Very Low Empathizing (AS Diagnosed) Male
8/20 empathising (Not sure I have it or not) Female
8/20 empathising (AS - Diagnosed) Female
6/20 empathising (AS - Diagnosed) Male
3/20 empathising (AS Diagnosed) Male
4/20 empathising (AS Diagnosed) Female
5/20 empathising (AS Diagnosed) Male
0/20 empathising (AS Diagnosed) Female
6/20 empathising (AS Diagnosed) Male
1/20 empathising (AS Diagnosed) Female
3/20 empathising (Not Sure) Male
1/20 empathising (As Diagnosed) Female
10/20 empathising (Not sure) Male
1/20 empathising (AS Undiagnosed) Male
2/20 empathising (AS Diagnosed) Male
7/20 empathising (Not sure) Male



/*
(The BBC is not responsible for the content of external websites.)

Dr Simon Baron-Cohen
Autism Research Centre, Cambridge, UK

Dr Richard Lippa
California State University, Fullerton, USA

Dr John Manning
University of Central Lancashire, Preston, UK

Prof David Perrett
University of St Andrews, St Andrews, UK

Dr Stian Reimers
University of Warwick, Coventry, UK

Other experts were consulted about licensing agreements for the psychological tests in Sex ID and as part of the research process.
*/

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/ ... sing.shtml

For me, showing any sympathy is a sign of weakness. I guess that is why I am attracted to movie characters such as Tony Montana and Snake Plisskin and I choose professions that low sympathy levels. I only have sympathy toward animals,women, children,disabled and older people because they are the most vulnerable members of our society and not able to defend themelves.

I'm not sure if everyone is using the same definition of empathy here.

It seems about 85% of the population identifies empathy as being able to feel bad because somebody else feels bad.

However, it is much broader than that. Empathy is the ability to rcognize feelings and motivations of others through non-verbal communication. In that framework, nearly all autistics will lack empathy, as that's a big part of the disorder right there.

I think most on the spectrum would agree that they aren't good at recognizing the feelings of others, but that doesn't mean that when you DO recognize those feelings (or the person tells you verbally), that you don't care.

Here is Wikipedia definition of empathy:


Empathy (from the Greek εμπάθεια, "to suffer with") is commonly defined as one's ability to recognize, perceive and directly experientially feel the emotion of another. As the states of mind, beliefs, and desires of others are intertwined with their emotions, one with empathy for another may often be able to more effectively divine another's modes of thought and mood. Empathy is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes", or experiencing the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself, a sort of emotional resonanceSome experts (psychologists, psychiatrists, and other scientists) believe that not all humans have an ability to feel empathy or perceive the emotions of others. For instance, Autism and related conditions such as Asperger's syndrome are often (but not always) characterized by an apparent reduced ability to empathize with others. The interaction between empathy and autism spectrum disorders is a complex and ongoing field of research, and is discussed in detail below.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy

Alicorn, I can relate a lot. I was the same way when my Grandpa passed away. It's not that I don't miss him; I do, a great deal. He was the only person of my whole family to whom I was really close, and he had been the one bringing me up for the most part. I have dreams about him often, where he's healthy and fine and I wonder why I have thought he had died, or I just know he has come back to me again for some time. Or I do something and think, "oh, Grandpa would love that" or, "I wonder what Grandpa would think?", and get sad.

But it's sadness, not true bereavment. I don't feel I "lost" him. I believe in God and in that there's life beyond death, so I'm sure we'll meet once more. I know he's still alive, only in a very different way; it's like knowing he's simply gone to some other place where I can't reach him, much as I would want to. It makes me sad that I can't see him and speak to him anymore. But, on the other hand, I'm sure he's with God now and happier than he ever was over here, so in a sense I'm glad for him, and I'm okay with having to let him go - I mean, if God decided it's time to take him, and he's going to be happier there, why should I want him to stay? I wouldn't want to keep him here forever just for myself.

Another part of it could be that the death of a person, especially of somebody whom I loved that much, is too great a shock and I can't grasp what it means. When animals die, I'm devastated and may cry a lot. The other day, a little pigeon we had adopted died because my mother fed him with something he couldn't swallow that stuck in his throat; I didn't cry but felt ugly and was almost swaying on my feet when I walked, like a drunk. Grandpa's passing probably just failed to register. I don't know when it will.

My mother, on the other hand, must have felt the full shock of it. She cries a lot and I can tell she feels the loss profoundly. I try to comfort her, and sometimes I feel guilty that I can't cry and grieve like she does. It seems appropriate and I ask myself whether I am a moral cripple or something. I have a feeling that she, too, may think I'm insensitive. But who knows, perhaps this is just a normal reaction for me.

Last edited by ixochiyo_yohuallan on 03 Jan 2007, 6:10 am, edited 2 times in total.

Definitely. A large part of what is called empathy comes from sensing others' feelings from their voice, expression, body language etc. Many people on the spectrum have difficulties with this, but it doesn't mean they don't care *or* that they don't know what these feelings are like and are incapable of feeling them.

This is one major myth about autistics or people with schizoid personalities that sets me off. Not being able to express one's emotions well enough and/or difficulties deciphering how others express them seem to be equated with being cold, uncaring, insensitive etc., which is simply not true. One'd think that those who perpetrate these myths would know at least a little better.



I agree, there have to be limits to empathy, as there are to any sort of understanding. One cannot empathise with what one cannot comprehend, that is, what what one has never felt before, because one wouldn't know what it is like. And, since everybody's emotional experience is limited, be they NT or not - one simply can't feel all the range of emotions that exist, which is nearly infinite - then everybody's empathy has to be somewhat limited too. Most probably, confined mostly to people who are more like oneself and whom one can understand better. It's very natural.



I do sometimes. It depends on the kind of movie/book, but some make me feel as if I was there too and saw the action through the characters' eyes, and it can be very difficult.

I used to think I was empathic. Now I'm not sure. I care passionately about the suffering of animals and will be a pain in the arse at work if I think an animal isn't getting the care it needs. I'm usually strangely unmoved by the plight of suffering humans, but not always.

I have a bit of empathy I suppose. Mainly towards children and animals. That's just me.

Do you think I lack empathy for other people?

I've been told I lack empathy. I'm not sure if this is true or not being as I don't really know exactly what empathy is. I always thought it was the ability to put yourself in another person's position, in which case, I do lack empathy.

I guess I do. I feel sympathy, but probably not empathy. Like, when somebody tells me something sad, I say, "I'm sorry," and feel bad for them (if it's an actual crisis, not: "Like, my boyfriend, like, didn't, like call me back last night!"), but I don't know how to comfort them. I want to move on and help make them forget about their troubles. I can't offer advice or "empathizing words." I just don't know how. I don't see the point in cards and mushy stuff.
-OddDuckNash99-

it's not damned empathy that we lack, it's understanding the motivations of nts.


Empathy is where you look at what someone else is experiencing and then you imagine what it would feel if you were in their situation. How can I empathise with people that baffle me?

This is just another case of "obey my illogical rules or theres something wrong with you". I certainly empathise with the lot of you, I just don't empathise with nts and the way they dont feel the need to think for themselves if theres a easy ready made answer for them.

it depends if i like the pained person, and if their pain is funny. humour washes the empathy away. if i don't like them, their pain is funny by default.

I do. I mention the wrong things in the wrong threads, sometimes.

As for empathy, perhaps visible, “appropriate” expression of empathy is what is really meant.

I am amazed at the stoicism displayed by my family. They hardly ever cry at all. Maybe it is partly a generational and cultural thing. Certainly different cultures around the world express their empathy for others in different ways. Such cultural norms are shifting all the time.

If something bad happens to someone else or ourselves, we just use dark humour to deflect it/make them feel better. We use distractions. Just a different way of dealing with it I guess. We try and laugh it off. We have a good sense of humour.

My family think that other people crying overtly at funerals or buying each other soppy valentines cards is “silly”. We do not understand all of this hugging, weeping and flailing of the arms. These living “soap operas” make us feel a little ill and overwhelmed. If someone dies, we just try to accept it calmly or try to hide the feelings as if showing the feelings would be an inappropriate reaction and an embarrassment in itself. This doesn’t mean we don’t find these events painful very painful though: we just try and suppress our emotions. We just press on with whatever we have to get on with life “sensibly”.

Just because we don’t do all this touchy-feely stuff doesn’t mean that we don’t care about others though. We really do care a lot and want to help. Heart to heart talks are an alien concept to us, but offering practical advice isn’t. Practical advice tends to take precedence over emotional support because the concept of emotional support to us seems very “wishy-washy” with no basis in the real world. In other words, it doesn’t seem helpful to us. For example, I was warned at a very young age not to get overly involved in someone else’s emotional problems.

I am usually the one that cries and overreacts to someone else’s pain/ feels the need to help. If anything, I probably feel too much empathy/sympathy for people. Perhaps it’s because I have been conditioned as a female by school and films to act this way. I’ve been told to get emotional support from my family by others.

Recently, I’ve been told that not dealing with feelings is and “bottling them up” is emotionally unhealthy, but we’ve been doing it that way for years with no problems. We seem to operate on a different system to most other people for some reason, it doesn’t mean that our way of coping is wrong, just different. That’s why I get very upset when I’m told to emotionally relate and discuss things with my family. They’re useless at it and admit they’re useless at it. It's not how we do things at all.

Discussing emotions just seems to aggravate the problem for all us, not heal it. We all feel much better and happier offering practical solid, helpful and concrete advice. I feel much better taking tenable actions to solve problems, rather than mulling over amorphous emotional concepts. I wonder if this is true for anyone else.

We don’t lack empathy, we’re very caring people, we just love in a useful, practical way. Is that wrong?