Leaving if someone is 10 minutes late...anyone else do this?

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I'm afraid I'm the flaky person who always shows up late, returns calls/texts 3 days later, and in general tries to avoid people wherever possible, even though I do want friendships. It seems like we both have issues with people driven anxiety, we've just dealt with them differently.

I'm always on time (except for one misunderstanding about where we were meeting) and I'm really used to everyone else turning up 10mins and more late, in fact, I can't recall many friends being there when they said they would. I don't stress about others being late, unless we're going to something that's starting at a certain time, e.g. a movie. I would give them a half hour, maybe more. When they eventually turned up, I wouldn't let them know that I was annoyed, even if I was a bit. Each time, except one, the person has eventually turned up and has seldom ever appeared sorry or attempted to provide a reason for being late. Once, when I was about 11, they were more than an hour late and never even apologised. I felt like they were treating me like a fool, when I was just a good friend. My executive function isn't great and I've real problems shifting attention, but I watch the clock all the time and, if I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I'll make sure of it, dropping everything else in the process. I'll never forgot to meet the person, as that will have been forefront in my mind all day and any necessary preparations , e.g. packing my bag, will already have been made, long before it was time to leave the house. I've such a disorganised brain, with too many thoughts going on, that I need organisation in my life, to keep the stress down.

When I was a child I used to always be late.
Since age 12 I suddenly started to be punctual.
I like going to places earlier than other people, because this way I have all the time I want to be alone and do what I want.
When someone arrives late I don't leave, but I love yelling at them when they do.

I used to be extremely punctual. If I was supposed to be somewhere at a certain time, I was there unless there were extraordinary circumstances that kept me from being there.

Then one day I had a meeting when I lived in Houston and I was running late. I drove like a maniac and got there one minute late and felt bad about that minute. But then it turned out that nobody else was ready for another half hour while I sat there waiting.

After that, I quit worrying about time entirely. I'll be there when I get there and not one second earlier. I might be an hour early. I might be an hour late. It makes no difference to me.

I carry a book of puzzles in my car all of the time now. If I get somewhere early, I just sit back and do puzzles until the others arrive.

Yell at me for my being late and I'll not only leave, I'll avoid you from then on. If you can't act civilized, then I don't want to be around you at all.

i will wait for about 5 minutes after they are expected to arrive, and then i would call them to ask where they are. if they do not answer, i will wait for another 5 minutes and then ring them again, and if they do not answer i obviously will go home.
i am the one who agrees on appointments, and it would be likely that i would not allocate a further appointment to someone who failed to turn up to a previously allocated appointment efficiently.

whatever, there is a poverty of topics that i can reply to on this site tonight so sorry i am not very animated.

I do this sometimes, but only in the more extreme cases. It's a decision for me, not some kind of social anxiety-induced response, as the original post seems to describe. (Sorry if I'm misinterpreting it.)

Yes, I really hate how flaky people are in general and most of all how that seems to be so socially acceptable. I would often leave too late myself and arrive late as a result. (Could be an executive dysfunction issue, not sure.) That's something I've worked on over the years and I've gotten much better at it. It sometimes still happens, but I will at least call the other person (if possible) and let them know. It frustrates me when others not only don't arrive on time, but don't seem to see anything wrong with that. Hey, it takes effort for me to be there on time, too. If I can make that effort, so can you!

Nevertheless, I'll usually give people the benefit of the doubt to start with. If they've been flaky on a number of occasions without a good reason then, yes, I may just leave and may also be less accommodating if they do try to reschedule.

No, I'm the opposite. I wait and wait, and I do get really agitated. If I have a contact number of theirs, I usually give them a text or a ring. If I can't get hold of them, I still wait a little longer and then try again. If all else fails, then I leave, but this is normally, like, an hour of waiting. I just know that I can't wait forever. But this doesn't usually happen, unless I am meeting someone who isn't very reliable.

Ok.

My Dad said he'd take me to the bus stop for school in ten minutes. When he wasn't there after elven, I left. So, yes, I can definitely relate to this.

I sort of get what you're saying, but my reaction to it tends to be inverted.

I hate people being flaky like that, but 10 minutes is never enough leeway.... and while I don't want to stick around doing nothing and wasting my time, I'm always worried that they'll show up 2 minutes after I've gone....
... so I generally just wait.
How long I wait depends on how important it is to me.


Longest I had was sitting around in the street for 8 hours, waiting for someone to show up.... and when they finally called me to say sorry that they couldn't make it, they seemed genuinely surprised that I was STILL there, waiting for them to show up. I mean... we'd agreed to meet there, and no new information had suggested that it wouldn't still happen... at some point.... v_v;;


O'course, if they betray my expectations like that, I tend to be VERY careful not to repeat the experience... and far less forgiving on subsequent occasions. At least one friend I've basically got on permanent sullen-treatment because she always fails to come visit when she says she will...

Plus I have a tendency to get places 2 hours early because I will not EVER tolerate being late myself... and my ability to gauge how much time I'll need to get somewhere is.... well.... on the silly side. Quite a few times friends of mine have come to the pub to find I'm already drunk because I got there stupidly early and have just been downing pints to pass the time.

Now that is PATIENCE!

It reminds me of the Martians in Heinlein's book Stranger in a Strange Land.

Very well done, Sir.

I've been prepared to wait that long for people, but I've never had to wait that long. About three hours is the longest before they either showed up or managed to get word to me not to wait.

I don't like these sorta things going wrong, but if they do go wrong, I do NOT want to be responsible for hammering the last nail in the coffin.
If they showed up eventually and I wasn't there, I'd feel like I carried at least an equal portion of the fault.

I have the opposite problem. The last time I had to meet with someone, I was buying a computer game off them. I waited for three hours, but they never showed up.

It's the same with appointments, I'm always at least an hour early. I don't think I've ever been late for appointments unless it's someone else slowing me down, or I have to take a taxi.

@ OP

I think you are right. Life is too short to stand around waiting for people who cannot keep commitments. At least they should call to say they will be late.

As I get older, I become far less tolerant of people's disrespect of my time. I respect theirs, so they can respect mine.

You will benefit in the long run. At least people know where you stand.

What bothers me is the notion that being late is fashionable ( sorry girls, I do not mean to pick at you & its not alway females EITHER..) in some way. I *HATE* this.
Frankly, I get much more annoyed if a meeting or event runs late. When I was a child I had meltdowns if something made one o my TV shows late. Even if it was something cool like an APOLLO moon shot! I loved the space program, but hey schedules should be set in stone. I certainly believed it then. I also grew up greatly disliking the sport of American Football for the same reason.
When it came to datting, well I was not the one with a working automobile so I had to sit & endure it.
The girl was also worth the wait, indeed out of my league entirely, so some flaky behavior was tolerated.
I am not so sure another woman would get as much slack as I gave back when..
If I am the one running late, that freaks me out more, I want to be seen as perfect in being punctual. The whole work day feels OFF
, , anyone else feel this way?

Sincerely,
Matthew