How are you supposed to react to "banter", insults

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I verbally punish people who bully or annoy me. Insulting people is truly a skill that can be developed. Google, "comebacks list" and how to argue and insult. If they are not skilled at insulting, one rude insult will freeze people in their tracks. It's also very easy to make redirecting insults. So I say, "When you were born the doctor turned around and slapped your mother", you say, "So you're saying that you were spying on my mother during her labor? That's creepy." Or if someone says, "I sometimes feel sorry for you (Insulting context)." You should reply, "Interesting, I don't think or care about you at all." This makes me sound mean, but when I do insult people they truly do deserve it.

fair enough, maybe it's not the best thing to do in terms of morals, but then you're right, if they deserve it.. Haha, thanks dude

With friends like who needs enemies! Stay away, and tell somebody.

... I just don't care about banters and teasing.
I was teased a lot in middle school but I don't consider myself as seomeone who has been bullied because I consider bullying only physical aggression, and no one has ever beaten me up. BTW, bullying is supposed to be something you suffer for, but I didn't suffer for being teased. I just don't care.

These people are not your friends.

Hi Dan. It sounds like these are immature kids who are hurting. They are looking for a reaction from you, so the best thing to do is turn the other cheek. That is a hard thing to do. I understand it is difficult not to hate these people, but if you hate them they win. If they say something stupid about you and you absolutely have to respond, then one technique is to find a subtle way to agree with them. This is technique called fogging and defuses the situation;

Here are two links on verbal assertiveness and self defense:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbal_sel ... e#Overview

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assertiveness

Though these techniques may be valuable to read about and study, such as the book The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense which you can easily find a used copy of, probably in paperback, I personally might tend not to use them, but to just stay away from these people as you are not fitting in. I am not condoning their bullying behavior, but you are obviously doing something that is provoking this kind of response and you apparently have no clue about what it is. There must be some other group of kids in that school who will accept you. Try to find them, sit with them, eat with them, etc. There must be some kind of religious group or special interest group or clubs you can join at or near that school.Or try a different culture. I am an amateur musician and if your school is in the USA there must be African Americans there. I find that culture to be in general very warm, loving and accepting.

The girl sounds like she has serious emotional problems. You never know what kind of suffering another person is going through and what kind of home environment another person has to endure as a child..

I would not report the bullying in general, but if people are hitting you with drumsticks and it is disturbing your focus, then I might complain to the instructor and/or move to a different row.

It sounds like your retaliation did backfire. That can happen with retaliation. It just promotes further conflict which is what the provocateur is looking for. I think some other person here made a kind of suggestion which I am putting in my words: If it is on a psychological level such as proving who is better, then let them 'win.' In that way you win.

The suggestions to document and report bullying I do not agree with. At a certain age, perhaps, but as a person gets older he cannot always report this kind of bullying. It is necessary to learn how to adapt. Also, sounds like there might be some kind of jealousy there, and another take is that these people are trying in their own ignorant way to kind of say hello. Use the whole thing as a learning experience, a somewhat difficult but interesting problem to solve, and first and foremost observe your own behavior and responses..

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Make sure it's relevant to the topic though. Otherwise, they will just laugh it off. but regardless, something with "your mom" is often suitable as a last resort.

For example, when you got called stupid, say "that's what your mom told me last night when it popped out"

1. You take too many things seriously and can't joke enough. This irritates people. Especially when you didn't accept the girl's apology.

2. 100% guaranteed you talk too slow and have prosody issues too. I saw evidence of this in your story about the rehearsal and also about the girl who flipped you off. People tend to react meanly and impatiently when someone's speech is clumsy and slow, doesn't get to the point quickly, and is monotone.

Sorry bro, I have experienced many of these things too. Except for the first incident, I don't think many of these things really called for a comeback so much as avoiding being in that situation to begin with.

"Banter" is an excuse that people make for being abusive.

Do not attempt to participate-- you will be told you are doing it wrong. To be doing it right, you first must be accepted.

Do not attempt to participate. Do not attempt to retaliate. Take it in absolute silence, and expect no better. Pretend it isn't happening. This will cause the "banter" to escalate as they attempt to get a reaction. Continue to pretend it isn't happening. It won't stop the "banter," but if the authorities are understanding, it might keep you from being the one who gets punished.

Do not attempt to join in with whatever activity your peers are engaged in. It will only start more abuse. Keep quiet, keep to yourself. I would really have to recommend dropping out of the choir entirely, but it's up to you whether you want to endure the abuse or attempt to flee.

It's no way to live, but it will keep you safer.

OP, you asked what we think, well, this is what I think:

Get yourself some new friends cause these people don't seem very nice to you. I think at most, these people torment you because they think you'll put up with it, and that's a recipe for a bad friendship at best. What you should do, is let them know that their behavior toward you, such as throwing forks at your face, is unacceptable, and they should learn to act more mature than that. The way I deal with people who insult me, is I generally let them show their true colors, I tend to react like most people might and let them make a fool of themselves. This shows other people what kind of person the insulter is, and people don't generally interact with people like that.

I dealt with someone like that recently on youtube, their comments were unnecessary and extremely hateful. They belittled me by assuming I was stupid and some "kid" (I'm 27), while tacking on that whatever meds I'm on (I take no meds) will make me the next Adam Lanza.
Needless to say, I blocked him and reported his comments to youtube twice, and they've had to, so far, remove them just as many times, both being roughly 3 comments per removal that were their maximum length allowed on youtube, and that was only after I told them they needed to do something after denying the removal once already.
But their credibility has become nill due to their actions and honestly I laugh about it, because karma sucks for those who mistreat others.

Don't let people bother you too much either, most people like that only do it because you react in a bad way, the most that you should do is state the aforementioned (that their behavior is unnacceptable) and then go about your day acting as though nothing happened (but don't put up with it from them either, if they continue to do it, don't associate or speak with them anymore).